My husband works with two guys and he is the last of the three of them to have kids. It's a small family type firm. One of the guys said to my husband before he even knew I was pregnant 'don't suppose you have use for a car seat or high chair do you? I'm sending them to the tip.' I said to my husband to tell him that I am pregnant and say we would buy the car seat from him (I didn't know what the seat would look like or anything). This was about 8 weeks ago.

Tonight my husband has come home with the car seat. It's not a top brand or isofix, but that's fine because this is a seat we will be using for our second car. Then my husband tells me that the guy and his wife don't want anything for the car seat but that they want it back after our baby outgrows it so that they can hand it on to someone else. I can sort of understand this - I would do the same - but in one way I am feeling a bit twatty about it. Firstly, the guy said he was going to take it to the tip so for us to offer money for it meant he was getting something for it rather than chucking it away; he wouldn't get it back if he took it to the tip. He is quite a generous bloke and we expected a fight over getting him to accept money, but not for him to say he'd want it back when our baby outgrows it.

Now my issue isn't with the guy as such, as I can understand why he would want it back to hand to other friends and relatives (even though we offered money for it and his other option was the tip), so I know I am being daft, but am I the only one who doesn't like the idea that she is BORROWING things for her baby? This is our spare car seat so not even a big deal, and I am not precious about things having to be new, but I'd rather I could own all the stuff I have for my baby rather than feel like I have to be really careful with it and then have to hand it back like a library book at the end.

Hormonal and witchy I know, but now I've told my OH to explain that we are going to buy one so that we don't feel we are borrowing from them. The guy's wife does similar - for eg, we gave them a shower unit (that we hadn't used for ages) and she handed it back because she didn't like it.

I think he probably did have the intention to tip it, but just asked a couple of people if they'd be interested before doing do. He's probably had more people say 'yes' than just you, and will pass it on to them after you're done with it. I don't see anything wrong with that.

As for 'borrowing', hmm ... Our crib and changing table have been used by a whole lot of people in the family and I know that once my cousin falls pregnant she'll get it. After we're done with it it will go back to my grandmothers for storage until either I fall pregnant with my second or someone else in the family has it. I guess that's 'borrowing' in a way, and it honestly doesn't bother me. Things have been getting handed down and back again for years in my family, a whole bunch of my girls clothes will have been worn by me or my cousins when younger.

If you don't feel comfortable with it however, there is nothing wrong with that at all. I know that if I could I would have bought everything myself (either new or second hand), but truth is that we're being given/lend things for free, and any money saved will be incredibly handy for us right now. When it comes to a car seat however, I'd never use a second hand one. You don't know what happened to the car it was in, and something considered 'nothing' might be a big thing to you. I'm sure that that will play part in the back of your mind as well when it comes to 'borrowing' on this subject. You'd probably feel very different if it was just a couple of sleepsuits =)

Just go with whatever you feel comfortable with, and don't feel bad about your choice.

Thanks Erised. I do see what you're saying, it's just that once we are finished with it, both our baby and any babies belonging to other people who said yes, would be old enough to need a bigger seat than this. I suppose I just wanted to give him some money for it so I could feel it was our seat and not something we had to be extra careful with or rush to finish with.

I'd like to think I will hand most of my stuff on and then other people will hand that on to people they know who are having children. I guess because this is my first, I'm also thinking in terms of needing another seat soon after finishing with it.

I don't mind being given things and most of the stuff we are buying is either sale items or second hand (or being given by family), but it was just the thought of borrowing something I felt weird about.

The thing with the seat having been in an accident - this was the only time I would consider a second hand seat and that is because the guy owned the seat from new and it's never been in an accident, but otherwise I feel entirely the same as you about second hand ones.

Hmmm, I think I'm being hormonal. I mean, we are being given loads by way of gifts and handmedowns, but it was just the borrowing side of it I've felt a bit weird about.

Hun, I don't think you're being hormonal at all - I think you're totally rational. I hate to use things that I don't actually own. Having that at the back of my mind like "Oh, I better do this carefully cuz someone else wants to use it aswel"...I just prefer to use my own stuff the way I want to without worrying if I damage or break it.

I never borrow anything unless I can afford or even want to replace it just in case something happens to it. that seems strange to want it back though...

I think it's weird that he would be asking for it back afterwards too, because a minute ago he was happy to take it to the tip and never see it again.

I'm not bothered about the idea of borrowing something for our baby in general though; although they need to understand that it will accrue wear and tear while you're using it, and that they won't get it back in the exact same condition they gave it to you. Once you fall pregnant your friends come trying to offload their stuff onto you, and I would happily give it back once we're done with it. We were actually offered something but told "if we need it while you're still using it (if they have another baby really soon), we might ask to have it back", which I thought was weird, but at the end of the day, they've loaned you something really expensive for free out of the goodness of their hearts. There's a chance you won't need to buy your own at all, but at the same time, if you end up having to buy your own, you would have bought it anyway, right?

That's just me though. There's a certain sense that you should be able to provide new things for your baby, because your child deserves the best, but I'd rather provie for it cheaply (through friends) and spend the money on our future as a family.