I need to offload some steam with whats been going on with me and OH in the last few months since we've been married, need some advice.

He lives in South Eastern Turkey and we have been together over 3 years, been friends for 4. The problems only really started this year when i moved there to get married and try living with his family, i thought it would be grand as i have been to see his family too many times,
He completely changed, the day we arrived in his home town we got married and things went downhill from there. Bear in mind i still love him after all the shit he put me through.
I wasnt allowed wear my own clothes,He would leave me in the home (no one spoke english) from 8 in the morning, come back at 8 in the evening, eat, and then leave again, not speak to me and not come back till 12 or half 12 then become abusive if i refused sex after a fight. I never got to see him and i always asked could he take me out for a walk in the evening and he would fight and get his mother in the room and his sister to intimidate me, i was told i was a woman and i would never be let outside. Occasionally he would fight with me so much, esp if he wanted sex and i said no, he would go and sleep in his sisters bedroom and close the door in my face!!!!! that really pissed me off.

When he found out i was pregnant.... his mother made me take a test and i was the last one to find out after passing it around to all the women in the house, which really spoiled everything and i didnt believe what was happening. He told me later he didnt care and for me to have an abortion he didnt want the baby after saying for years he would love a family.
I finally cracked as i was so lonely and had no one to talk to becasue he took the internet and got his mother to hide it after first dragging me into a room and locking the door. I was ill with the runs and tired and and dehydrated in 50 degree C heat the first few months and i wasnt brought to a doctor because they wouldnt pay for it.

It continued to be my night mare until my dad called at a certian time and i had cracked at this stage and told him everything, this night i had a blade and had cut myself and threatening to kill myself cause i wanted to go home, i couldnt take any more mental abuse, previous to this he had told me every second night he didnt love me, i was a mistake, the baby was a mistake, he didnt care about me, he didnt want to marry me ( i was supposed to get married civily the day i actually left, but he refused to collect my freedom letter apparently becasue he didnt want to spend money for the bus) etc, and for any woman to hear this after giving up everything she knew for a man she loved is DEVISTATING to hear. they would take my bags off me and tell me to calm down before wollowing abuse. my dad told him to let me go home or he would come and take me,
they finally agreed when i said i would come back after a holiday at home, yasin didnt give a shit and brought me to Istanbul 24 hours in a bus took the last of my money cause he said he didnt have any.

Every week since i have been home has been a nightmare, i am living alone and i dont want to be, he calls me now with promises of marriage and having a proper family, and the promise he has changed now..... and days where he says its my fault his father has a bad heart becasue i left to go home and if he dies its ALL my fault and he will make my life a living hell. and now he is saying he wants money off me to pay for bills when i was there (they had taken all my money off me in the start when i came ''borrowing'' it). i cry every day over him and wonder how he changed. I dont know what to do, i am so willing to try and forgive him

He has now recently been turning off his phone, and i found out 5 weeks ago he has been going to Iraq on a passport he bought using my money he took after admitting it. i feel so used, and yet responsible, he made me feel like it was all my fault just becasue i wanted to go outside.

i love him so much i cant describe how i feel, i am so beaten down by him its not funny, i cant imagine being with anyone else, i am stuck in a hole.

Sorry that was a HUGE long rant, needed it off my chest though.

He has treated you terribly! I know it will be hard but the best thing for you and the baby is to forget about a horrible violent man such as this. It is good that you didnt get legally married as at least he will not be allowed into this country (which might of been his hope in the first place) and you will be safe here with the family which will care for you x good luck

Hon, you're in a tough place emotionally and mentally right now, but physically you're in the right place which is far away from him.

From what you've said, his behavior is a classic display of abuse and his actions, despite his words just reinforce it. It's not easy but you need to stop feeling guilty, and you need to stop feeling like you're the one in the wrong, and you need to stay far, far away from the whole mess.

Being isolated from your family and support network, taking your money away from you and verbally beating you down (even if he never physically touches you) if you return to him will just end up with you being 'stuck' and feeling even more helpless with no way out when things don't get better.

Cut off contact with him, concentrate on your little one and be thankful for the love and support of your family during this time. If it's feasible, you should try and speak with a counselor or therapist to help resolve the way you're feeling now and to deal with the situation you're in.

I know that in the end you will do what you will do, but if you want opinions, I think that going back would be a bad, bad thing for you and your baby. I wish you all of the best and the greatest of strength in getting through this.

I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through. I am also sorry because I know it must be hard for you to still love him but I agree that you are probably better off without him!

wow.. I guess I should stop complaining about anything now. I will tell you what you know already unfortunately -- you can't go back to him under no circumstances and this is a classic abuse case which is tough to stand up for but you need to do it for your bubs and for yourself. Many women come back to the men abusing them in hopes that they have changed but they don't and won't. Stay strong hon. It can only get better now. This is not love, love makes you peaceful and happy. Having a razor blade in your hands is not love. How long has it been since you left? It will take some time to get over him especially since you've invested so much in this relationship. But under no circumstances no matter what you're being promised right can you go back to this hole. Please, save yourself and your baby from a very painful life now while you're ahead and young. You will meet somebody else and you will recognize what love really is. It will only be difficult a first few months, but I promise this dreadful feeling will pass soon, you just need to sit it out and you and your baby will be glad you did.
I usually advise girls to think everything through no matter how hard the situation might seem, but this relationship you had doesn't worth saving at all. You did the right thing at the right time and should be proud of yourself for escaping not feeling sorry for him. Please be strong, you will be happy soon enough to forget this nightmare.

I've just read your 'story' and I couldnt believe what i was reading!! I can tell your in love with him but that does'nt mean how he's treated you is right. In fact its totally the opposite. I know from going to Turkey quite a few times that its a very male dominant country and that women tend to be more 'subserviant' to the male, it seems that women tend to be very much in the background However how he has treated you is disgusting. I was in a bad relationship and let me ex treat me so bad I cant believe I ever let me get away with treating me like that!

I know its easy for me to say as im not emotionally involved in it like you are and the fact that your pregnant BUT My opinion is GET OUT OF IT WHILE YOU CAN!

Your doing that right thing by talking (typing) about it get as many people's opinions as you can and trust your instincts!!

Keep us up to date with how you feeling and what your doing about it x

aww hun, i know you must love him or you wouldnt be feeling like you do right now, ask yourself 'does he love you' would you treat someone you love the way he has treated you???? the way he has treated you IS NOT LOVE

im married to a half english half turkish man who couldnt treat me any better but i know from talking to my mother in law what its like for women living in turkey, women have no identity out there and are expected to live for the men in the family, ask no questions and do as they are told, my MIL told me when she right went to turky for a 2 month hoilday with her new husband ( my husbands father) none of the women in the family spoke english and included her in anything they did

i strongly feel you are better of here with your family who love and care about you, your husband is trying to bully you into doing as you are told by useing scare tactics and blaming you for things that are not your fault

stop ringing him darling its not helping you to be stronger with out him

x x x x x

hun i feel for you so much, please read and read again what you have posted until you can see how wrong it truly is

it is obvious that you love him still, but ask yourself why?, do you love him, the man he used to be (which is gone now), or the ideal life you thought he was going to provide

Bloody hell hun you have been through the mill with this turkish fella.Its so sad that he treated you this way.
I dont really know what to say as i dont want to upset you.I just think you will be better off without him they do change men and will never go back to how lovely they were just worse.
You have to be strong for your baby.Thank god your back in your country with your family.
When you think of him and think you miss him just remember how awful he treated you in turkey as if you were nothing!.
Mail me if you want to talk or be friends
Big hugs xxxx

Thanks for the comments,
I know what he did was wrong, i am still hanging on the person i fell in love with, i cant believe people can change like that, He is very religious but if so he should be looking afer me and intending to look after the baby and he has done nothing so far, I never intended to have a baby without a father, my mum is adopted and she still lives with the rejection from her real parents, it even effected us growing up becasue she couldnt connect with us. I dont want one day to have my child blame or hate me becasue i cut ties. Its so horrid, i keep dreaming such horrible things every day. I keep to myself all the time, i am ashamed as people know how i went there and came back pregnant and are all looking at me like ''i told you so''. Thats the thing about small towns, everyone likes to know your business, even if no one says it to your face, its still there in their minds.

I always thought he would love me for who i was, but his mind is so set on blaming me for what he did, i cant take it, i have a history of depression and used to take meds for years and im so afraid ill slip in to that dark hole again. I just cant see a way out.