Pregnancy - Second Trimester

mummy2b · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:18 PM

OMG!! Can someone please give me some advice before I loose it!!!

I am 23+3weeks pregnant with my first baby & me and my boyfriend are looking for a house to rent in nuneaton (where my family live and where all my support is close by), but my boyfriends family all live in Bedworth and they have been really funny with me and are making snide remarks and comments about how far it is for them to come see the baby everyday, and how Nuneaton isn't a nice area etc etc (you can guess the rest)!
They also comment on the babies name that me and my boyfriend choose between us (Paige).
Early on in the pregnancy I had a lot of trouble with his sister and she was very abusive, but I decided to be the better person and get on with it, but now all i'm getting is horrible bitchy remarks!! I can't decide what to do, because the last thing I want is arguments, but I would rather sort things out now rather than when there is baby in the middle of it!!
Also my boyfriends mum keeps saying that she is going to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks when i've had the baby I don't want or need her there all the time! I want the 1st few weeks to be for me and my boyfriend to be mummy and daddy with our 1st baby! If I need support I would rather my mum be there with me, and of course I won't mind his mum coming round to visit occasionally!

I hope you understand that I am not being horrible, I am just feeling so clostraphobic with them constantly voicing their opinions and I feel as if I am getting left out of my own babies life and she isn't even born yet!

Please someone give me some advice, cause it is really getting me down!!

Thanks Alex xxx

jenny873 · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:25 PM

dont let anybody patronise you ive had all of that put your foot down now before its too late and let them know that its not on and its not going to happen, especially the staying with you part from his mum i put my foot down with my own mum and she took it better than i thought! x

elles28 · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:29 PM

Oh hun sorry you are having to deal with this....but I say start as you mean to go on...do what suits you not them after all you are the one having the baby not them put yourself 1st & make sure your OH backs you up

mummy2b · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:33 PM

I know my boyfriend will back me up! I just know that if I the wrong thing at the wrong time they will argue!! I don't want to offend anyone, but I guess your right, i've got to put my foot down now! It'll only get worse otherwise!! I just hope they do take it better than I think they will!!

Really upset about it all, and don't know what to do!!

xx

jenny873 · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:35 PM

well dont upset urself and by the way Paige is a lovely name! its ur life so just take control of it before u get too far along and they will just take advantage of you being tired and fed up and patronise you even more. tell them now and give them time to get over it im sure they will lol x

taylor2 · Jan 27th, 2008, 23:37 PM

Whenever my boyfriends mom tries to get in the middle of something, I tell him to regulate! And he usually does. If you do not feel comfortable having her come stay with you, tell your bf to tell her that HE would rather it be just the two of you until you call on her for help. That way you don't end up being the bad guy. How does your BF feel about it? Does HE want her to come stay with you guys? Also, about the comments, I am not sure what you can do or say to make them stop, but definitely make it known that you do not appreciate them.

Jazzy · Jan 28th, 2008, 00:06 AM

I'm sorry your having so much trouble hun, try not to let anybody patronise you

MarchBaby · Jan 28th, 2008, 00:41 AM

I know how you feel. Right now we live wiht my OH's mom. She has basically said that if the baby wasn't raised how she wanted it she would call the law/DHS on us!

I've been around babies all my life, and have had more recent experience than she has had. Her son, my OH, who is 23, is the baby in their family!! Plus, she smokes like a fraight train, and I've even told OH that I dont think she could breath in a room of fresh air, her body would probably go into convulsions.

If I were you, I would probably just tell her that you want the first few weeks with baby to be a bonding experience for you, your OH, and baby. That you are choosing not to have someone else there all the time so that you two can bond as a family. And if you dont feel comfortable, have your OH tell her.

Redhorse xxx · Jan 28th, 2008, 09:08 AM

Sweetie, that is a tough one- sorry they are upsetting you like this. Paige is a lovely name, so sucks to them if they don't like it. As for OH's sister, don't let her bother you- sticks and stones eh?... Echo what has already been said. It is natural that his Mum wants to be involved though.To play devil's advocate- she will feel a little bit put out that you will be living further from her side of the family, but I know Bedworth really isn't that far by train or bus to Nuneaton (I used to live in Wood End, nr Atherstone so I know the area well). And like everyone has already said, you have a right to live where you want to and not be overcrowded by your OH's family.

Tell her that you appreciate her wanting to come and stay to help with the LO, but you will sort it out closer to the time so that you can share the support needed between your mum and her equally as that will make it fairer.

Try to make the best of it hun. With the best will in the world, you might think that you will just want it to be you and your partner for the first few weeks, but take it from an experienced second time Mum- you need all the help you can get in those first two weeks.

You and your OH will be shattered, worried and not getting much time together with a new baby and the demands it places on your time and energy.

I hope I am making sense

Take Care,

Redhorse xxx

Jules · Jan 28th, 2008, 10:00 AM

mumm2b, i now exactly how your feeling as i have had this with my MIL!! She wanted to come help me for a week or so, i had words with my OH and he told her we would ask if we need help but we dont need her to come stay!

I had the same thing with names too, "i dont like this but we all like that"!! i was fuming, so now i am just not going to tell them any names until i have decided and then its tough if they dont like it!

In fact i have had some trouble this weekend as i was told, i wont be able to look after the baby all the time!!! so again me and my OH sort of fell out about this and he has yet again had words. Its my baby!!!! i am not having a child to palm it off with other people all the time!

sorry to rant! just wanted to let you know your not alone in this subject!

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