Sorry just need to rant...

Ok, I was with OH for 2+years, had a mc at end of last year, were trying again but found out he had been texting a girl from work before I knew he was pregnant. Someome in the pub I worked in was talking about how her friend was "seeing" a guy but his gf "got herself" pregnant and he had to go back to her. (It was me)

So I went mad, we split up and I started seeing a guy. It was total rebound, but at the time I was head over heels. I fell pregnant(silly), just after trying to so long with OH thought I was safe

Then new OH started to get really possessive, jealous, overbearing and the final straw came when he attacked my colleague (who is 60!) because I was out for a drink with him after work. I packed his bags.

Eventually I started seeing 1st OH again (love him, cant help it ) It's been great, yesterday he bought the baby clothes and this morning flowers were delivered for me. Very happy

Then... I saw a text, just a silly chain thing from a girl who works for him asking what 3 words would you say if we woke up naked together. I just dismissed it as an immature text from young girl. Looked on his bebo today and saw a message "Hi baby! just wanted to leave you some love" WTF, I wouldn't even leave this for him!. So now I'm wondering if it's all starting again.

On top of this, FOB has been stalking me for months, phonecalls and texts ALL in middle of the night, coming to my door at 3am, looking through my letterbox at 6am... Had the police out twice but not much they can do so looking into a solicitor but obviously money is tight just now. Consdering leaving his name off BC as he seems to have no regard to stressing me harming the baby !

Sorry for rambling, just wanted to get that off my chest before I end up killing one or both of them!

Jeremy Kyle here I come...

Jikes.. what a situation,
Whatever the reason for your other half to have these texts on his phone and on his Bebo (personally i think bebo and facebook are a bit of trouble anyway!) Sit him down and tell him how it makes yuo feel, let him know you want this to stop if yuo are able to have a stable relationship again and tell him yuor dead serious! The last thing you need is to go trough this mess again with a baby!

Simetimes it is easier to see clear when you have a little one to think of first! Tell him this too! If he doesnt want to clean up his act you know enough! Even though you love him so much, it is just not worth the unhappiness it will cause later on

I agree with lunaty, the stress just isnt worth it, at the end of the day you jus need to confront him about it and if you know him well enough you should be able to tell wether he's been truthful or not, when i read he had sent you flowers i thought how cute, but after the post you found on bebo and the txt msg they might have been sent out of guilt, not wanting to rock the boat or anything but you definetly need to know where you stand with this guy, and that you are together for the right reasons and not the wrong ones, as it will all end in tears otherwise, i have been thru a simular situatiion and inevatably we split in the end, i am currently expecting no2 and have a 3 yr old too, deciding to go it alone was hard but now i can enjoy my pregnancy stress free and concentrate on me and being there for my children, i know now he was not worth it, and remember, no man is worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.... hope the above helps xxx

i completely agree withthe above two posters.
i wa with a guy before hubby who was controllnig and nasty! I used to go through his phone and he had photos of girls sending pics of their boobs to them and one he had under the name of tmobile!!!!! Her name was emma and she was trouble... he used to cvonvince me that i hadnt even seen them with my own eyes! i dunno how he did it!
I left him, after he strangled me and threw me down the stairs, he stalked me too and i got with hubby when i went to him for advice (hubs is a police officer)!!

Good luck hun! Get rid of both. Your stopping yourself finding the man you are truly meant to be with by sticking with that worthless waste of space!
x

Aw mrsQ2b love the fact you're marrying your own modern day knight in shining uniform. Bless!!!

Thanks ladies,

OH says there's nothing going on, left me to calm down on wedndesday which just annoyed me more!

Think I may be overreacting a tiny bit, it's just quite hard when I cant really go out with him, and am sat in the house pregnant with a baby which he ultimately has no responsibility for, while these young girls are flirting away.

As far FOB, I am just keeping my list of his texts/ calls and the times. Then hopefully I can get some sort of interdict/ injunction taken out on him. I do feel bad, but this man has a serious drink problem (he's always drunk when I get these texts which is almost every night), he's also working in a bar so it's just too easy for him. Plus he is also going around telling people how I didn't invite him to the scan or send a picture (I text him to let him know the sex and everything was fine, didn't get a picture, and this was more than I wanted to tell him considering the stress he puts me under) but conveniently leaving out the part of his drunken harrassment, so I look bad.

Thanks for all your advice

itd only get worse when the little one comes! And can u trust him? If u still have ur suspisions then ur in for a long miserable life together.

Better off relying on ur friends and family! xx

My daughter's father was a complete waste of space but I was only 18 at the time, I got pregnant the first time I had sex with him (d'oh!!!) and thought that I was doing the right thing by staying with him. I didnt love him but at the same time I didnt wanna be a single parent at 18 years old. So I stuck it out with him. He was controlling, jealous, possessive, verbally abusive and addicted to gambling. The icing on the cake was when he gave me a black eye cos I was supposed to be going out with a friend of mine (it was the first time I'd been out in a year) and he was convinced I was having an affair. I was called fat, ugly and worthless. I believed all this..if you're told something often enough then you believe it. So I had no self esteem and I was terrified of being alone with a young child. My daughter was 2 and a half by the time we eventually split up and it was the best thing I ever did. It was bloody hard on my own but I did it.
This time round it's completely different. My OH is supportive, loving, kind and caring. I have no doubt that he loves me more than anything and is excited about this new baby. It makes such a difference being with someone who genuinely cares and loves you rather than someone who only cares about themselves.

At the end of the day hun, you have to put yourself and your LO first. Dont end up miserable like I was for 3 years. It was awful and I NEVER wanna feel like that again. It took years to rebuild my self esteem and even now I still struggle with how I feel about myself.

Good luck to you hun

You know the behaviour of my fellow testosterone wielding men never ceases to amaze me. Though I do think the bebo thing is probably nothing but you interpreting what he has written in a way that is convenient to your already suspicious and untrusting mind. That said, it was his behaviour in the first place that caused you to feel this way. Dont go looking through his bebo and stuff like that though. Firstly because mistrust only begets more mistrust and then the two of you are in a downward spiralling circle. And secondly because if you hold anything under a microscope you are bound to find faults and flaws.

He seems to be ok with you being pregnant with another guys child? But how is he REALLY going to feel when that child comes? Everyday looking at that child is going to be a reminder for him, and my concern is that it will be taken out on you.

My personal opinion is that you have a lot of thinking to do. Im not going to preach to you hun because whats done is done, but I personally would have serious doubts about your happiness and the health of the environment you are going to raise your child in.

As to the child's father, I wouldnt waste your money on a solicitor. The most they can do is a non-molestation order. Expensive and not worth the paper they are written on as they are virtually impossible to enforce. Make sure you have crime reference numbers from the incidents you have reported to the police - even if they refuse to do anything about it. Record voice messages on your PC, have a cam corder ready near a window if you can, basically gather as much evidence as possible.

Sorry for the rant but my gut feeling on this is that its bad situation that is just waiting to explosde.

Dont really know what to say except i hope everything works out for you xx