when a friend can't cope with your pregnancy

gracegrace · Jul 4th, 2009, 15:48 PM

I've got a friend who's been all off with me since I became pregnant.

In the months leading up to the

she was working abroad and wasn't coping... sh was on the phone to me for hours each night... she was going to come back to live with OH, his kids and I when she got back to Britain.

When I got pregnant she found it really hard to cope with the thought of me being about to have a baby to look after, and was ont the phone to me for even more hours each night... and then I got ill with heart problems... had to make life-and-death decisions about surgery... told her I needed a few days space from looking after her...

And now she's back in Britain and not speaking to me. Each time I try and contact her she just shouts at me for how I can't possibly understand what a tragic life she leads.

Can anyone relate? Anyone got any ideas as to how to proceed?

T-Bex · Jul 4th, 2009, 16:00 PM

I think the best thing you can do right now, is to focus on yourself. If she's a good friend, then she'll understand that your life cannot entirely revolve around her problems, and that you need to think about yourself.

Let her calm down a bit, then approach her in a few weeks or so, once she's pulled herself together, and realises how much you do for her. She'll realise sooner or later.

Good luck!

Cattia · Jul 4th, 2009, 16:03 PM

That is really difficult. I have a sister in law who is very demanding. She is ill but she is kind of in the 'sick' role and expects other people to do everything for her. Now that I am pregnant I find I have less patience for it. My only priority has become keeping me and the baby (and OH) OK.

It sounds really harsh but I honestly think you might be best to leave things to lie for a while. She is obviously in a place where she needs to take a lot from other people and doesn't have the resources to give anything back. When you are pregnant that is just too draining and you have to put your own and your baby's needs first.

gracegrace · Jul 4th, 2009, 17:33 PM

Thanks, both of you. She left a message just now and I texted to say that I'd speak to her tomorrow...

RobenR · Jul 4th, 2009, 23:53 PM

A friend and I got pg at the same time in the winter and we both had m/c's, mine much later than hers. Two weeks after my loss in Feb, she told me she was pregnant again and I couldn't look at her, talk to her or deal with it in any way. It strained our friendship a lot and even after I got my

it still took a few weeks before we could get back to some semblance of normal.

I'm sorry you're going through this with your friend.

Jul 4th, 2009, 15:48 PM	#1
gracegrace Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 531	when a friend can't cope with your pregnancy I've got a friend who's been all off with me since I became pregnant. In the months leading up to the she was working abroad and wasn't coping... sh was on the phone to me for hours each night... she was going to come back to live with OH, his kids and I when she got back to Britain. When I got pregnant she found it really hard to cope with the thought of me being about to have a baby to look after, and was ont the phone to me for even more hours each night... and then I got ill with heart problems... had to make life-and-death decisions about surgery... told her I needed a few days space from looking after her... And now she's back in Britain and not speaking to me. Each time I try and contact her she just shouts at me for how I can't possibly understand what a tragic life she leads. Can anyone relate? Anyone got any ideas as to how to proceed?

Status: Offline

Jul 4th, 2009, 16:00 PM	#2
T-Bex Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: North Easterner in Cornwall Posts: 1,993	I think the best thing you can do right now, is to focus on yourself. If she's a good friend, then she'll understand that your life cannot entirely revolve around her problems, and that you need to think about yourself. Let her calm down a bit, then approach her in a few weeks or so, once she's pulled herself together, and realises how much you do for her. She'll realise sooner or later. Good luck!

Status: Offline

Jul 4th, 2009, 16:03 PM	#3
Cattia Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Hampshire, UK Posts: 6,026	That is really difficult. I have a sister in law who is very demanding. She is ill but she is kind of in the 'sick' role and expects other people to do everything for her. Now that I am pregnant I find I have less patience for it. My only priority has become keeping me and the baby (and OH) OK. It sounds really harsh but I honestly think you might be best to leave things to lie for a while. She is obviously in a place where she needs to take a lot from other people and doesn't have the resources to give anything back. When you are pregnant that is just too draining and you have to put your own and your baby's needs first.

Status: Offline

Jul 4th, 2009, 17:33 PM	#4
gracegrace Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 531	Thanks, both of you. She left a message just now and I texted to say that I'd speak to her tomorrow...

Status: Offline

Jul 4th, 2009, 23:53 PM	#5
RobenR Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 587	A friend and I got pg at the same time in the winter and we both had m/c's, mine much later than hers. Two weeks after my loss in Feb, she told me she was pregnant again and I couldn't look at her, talk to her or deal with it in any way. It strained our friendship a lot and even after I got my it still took a few weeks before we could get back to some semblance of normal. I'm sorry you're going through this with your friend.

Status: Offline

Similar Threads
Anyone else feel theyre struggling to cope with the pregnancy?	Pregnancy - First Trimester
I love being pregnant/ I can't cope with being pregnant!	Pregnancy - First Trimester
How do you cope with your BFN?	Trying To Conceive

User Name		Remember Me?
Password