17 weeks and 6 days

Bleurgh. Off sick today with an upset stomach, though thankfully it's not too bad.

It's amazing how my feelings towards work have changed since getting PG. I've always been a bit of a career woman, although to some extent that did help with any awkward baby related questions when I've been struggling to conceive. If I'd had a tummy bug before I was PG, I would be at work now, but it surprised me how easy it was this morning to put the little ones before the job.

I am really happy with where I am with my career and what I'm doing, but knowing I'm going to be finishing work in May for up to a year is a really odd sensation. I feel like I'm working the world's longest notice period, even though I know I'll be going back. I'm just focussing on sorting stuff out before I go - I had a big clear out of all my filing the other day and I'm doing lots of instructions for people on how to deal with things while I'm off. It would be my worst nightmare if people said, "God, she made a right mess of that, didn't she?" while I was gone and they didn't miss me.

In some ways, May is ages away and in other ways it's really soon, I just can't work out what to do with myself and feel a bit lost and unmotivated at work at the mo. Weird.

H

xx

Awww Helen its been lovely reading your diary!
Its fantastic to read all about your physical and emotional changes....It really is a roller coaster isn't it?

so much for sharing your diary with us.

PS Will you be finding out the sex of your babies?

18 weeks

That's another week gone. Phew! Only two weeks till the 20 week scan.

I always thought that scans would be a really happy thing, but it's such mixed emotions. You get so worried beforehand that something will be wrong (irrationally) and then when everything is ok, it's wonderful.

I still worry if I feel something leak down there and go rushing to the loo fearing the worst. Will I ever get over that? Thankfully, I seem to have got over the whole worrying about sneezing and driving over bumps in the road.

OH felt more kicks last night and some moving around.

Some bloke at work today went to touch my bump. Eugh! Batted his hand away before he had chance and told him "NO" in no uncertain terms. That privelege is reserved for OH, family and special friends only.

H

xx

P.S. Not planning on finding out the sex of the babies. We're really looking forward to the surprise.

P.P.S Congratulations Rachie on your good news.

19 weeks

Another week gone and only one week till week 20 scan. Had a weirdly hormonal last 7 days.... lots of inexplainable tears. Poor OH. It's really hard to explain why you're blubbing your eyes out when you don't actually know. He's very understanding and has been helping out more and more with the cooking on the nights when I'm too knackered.

Kicking is getting stronger by the day (and night!). I'm not sure now if it's them who wake me up in the night to go the loo or my bladder. Last couple of nights loo visits have increased to 2 per night.

This morning I could feel something in 3 different places at once. Someone must have been punching and kicking.... fighting already? It's a fantastic feeling though, I've had a couple of dreams where my stomach streches miles out with an arm or a leg...I mean right out.

I had a lot of comments on my bump at work today. It must've grown over the weekend. For the first time in ages, someone told me I was looking really well. Thank God! I was getting fed up of being told how tired I looked. Since I've felt pretty well all along, it really pees me off when someone tells me I look rough. My skin does feel a bit better, it's been so dry lately. Still spotty, but at least I can ladle on the foundation to hide them without it all cracking and flaking off.

H

xx

19 weeks + 2 days

You may have seen OH's post about changing his working hours. I was so so chuffed when he told me, over the moon. He'd just gone ahead and sorted it all out as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. I was so pleased that he wanted to do that and spend Daddy Time with the babies. Fantastic! Spent the rest of the evening buzzing about it.

If I go back 3 days per week (still haven't worked out if that's affordable or not) and he does one day per fortnight then that's only 2 days per week childcare to pay for.... aside from the other day per fortnight. I'm contemplating asking my Mum if she's prepared to have them once a fortnight. Generally speaking, I'm not really in favour of asking grandparents to help out, particularly as my Mum is due to retire next year and I want her to enjoy her freedom and have her time.....but one day a fortnight doesn't sound a lot... does it?

H

xx

I think they would be delighted to have them Well I don't know them personally but I would have thought any grandmum would snap at a chance to bond with their grand kids every now & then :P

19 weeks + 3 days

Had another kindness at work today. It was snowing quite heavily when it was time to go home so one of my colleagues waited for me to finish work. While he was waiting he cleaned the windscreen of my car. When I was ready to go, he took my arm from the office to my car so that I didn't slip. How thoughtful.

H

xx

aww helen!!! can i come work with u!!! they all sound fab!!!!

ps request 4 a recent bump pic

19 weeks + 5 days

Really scared myself today. I keep forgetting that I can't do as much as I could normally and it's really frustrating. Yesterday, we went across to look at buggies about half an hour from home and then when I got back I spent about 3 hours cleaning the bathroom. Yeah, I know that sounds a lot, it's quite big and it did really need doing. Plus I have this whole nesting thing going on where I want to clean things with a toothbrush and a cotton bud. Well, ok maybe not quite that bad, but nearly.

Was knackered last night and could feel this pain like a stitch in my left side, so spent most of the night on my right side or my back although that was also a little uncomfortable. Just figured it was one of the babies sat funny inside making things uncomfortable and most of the time it's ok.

Had quite a lazy morning and then cleaned up kitchen, made a stew for dinner and did a bit of washing up. Didn't take long, maybe an hour but by the time I'd finished this pain/stitch thing was back and worse than ever. I was even having trouble getting up the stairs.

OH helped me into bed and we were discussing it and whether to call midwife to see what she thought but every time I picked up the phone it made me burst into tears and I knew I wouldn't be able to get the words out. I've never felt so worried in all my life. Poor OH looked really concerned too.

As I lay there, both babies started to kick and it made me feel tons better. I can't tell you the relief to feel them wriggling about. Decided to have a snooze and slept on and off for about an hour and a half and then stayed in bed for another hour before I got up. Have been chilling on the sofa since. I feel a lot better now and the pain has eased a lot, but I still feel knackered.

I think this is just my body's way of warning me to take it easy. How stupid am I? To risk them just to have a clean bathroom and be a domestic godess. I need shooting.

Can't wait for the scan on Tuesday to put my mind at rest.

H

xx

19 weeks and 6 days

Thankfully I'm feeling a lot better today and the pain is all but gone.

Really looking forward to the scan tomorrow. Can't wait to see our little ones again.

Off to see financial advisor after that and hopefully he can get us a good deal on our mortgage which will help while I'm off.

H

xx