I've spent the morning reading through other people's pregnancy journals, and thought it'd be cool to start my own, especially since I'm going through such a rollercoaster at the moment.
A little about me first.. I'm Vicky, a 21year old part-time nursery nurse. I'm currently nearly 9 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Its something I've wanted for a long time - my maternal instincts have always been very strong, but now I'm actually where I wanted to be, its become somewhat tarnished.
I was engaged to a lovely man who I'd been with for over a year. He's in the RAF, so I didn't see him much, usually just weekends, but we were solid, devoted, and very much in love. We were unofficially trying for a baby since around August time. We knew we had out whole lives together so took the 'It'll happen when it happens' viewpoint and didn't let it be the sole focus of our relationship and it worked.
In March he graduated into the RAF properly and moved bases, but it was around then he started being 'funny' with me. I got my BFP, and decided to surprise him one weekend with the news, only he told me he wasn't going to be home for a few weekends so I caved and told him over the phone. His reaction wasn't quite what I was expecting and he told me to have an abortion because it was the wrong time. I thought it was extremely strange but I left him to it thinking he needed to let it sink it. He didn't change his mind over the next week though, so I did some snooping and found out he was having a secret relationship with another girl, who he'd only known a few weeks.
Once I confronted him about it, he told me straight he'd chosen this girl over me and the baby even though he'd only known her 4 weeks, since about 2 days after his move. So that was our relationship over and me now facing life as a single Mum.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he's now insistant on making my life hell and has me in constant tears. His latest was to tell me I'd be a crap Mum and I'm in denial if I think I can do this alone. I'm determined to prove him wrong, but all the stress isn't doing the baby any good.
I'm scared, I feel very much alone even though I have support from my family and friends, and I'm sad that I've been left in this position. I still love the guy, as crazy as it sounds, and want him to be a part of the baby's life, but I know its not going to happen.
As of now i'm almost 9 weeks along, and suffering the all mother of symptoms. I'm slowly getting back into eating without being sick, but it'll sometimes surprise me. I'm getting bored of smoothies and ice-lollies now, lol! I have constant lower back pain too so have to make sure i'm not in one position for too long.
Tiredness keeps taking over, but its a good excuse to stay in bed and mope (i Know, i know!) so i'm milking it for all its worth, haha.
Sorry you havent got off to a great start. I think he's probably being an arse with you in an attempt to get you to think that termination might be a good idea.
I was a single mum for many years although not while I was pregnant which must be even tougher. You can do this. You need to focus on the good parts of being on your own with bubs - noone to disagree with over parenting styles. I must admit I did enjoy bringing Emily up as I wanted to and I'm very proud of my well rounded little lady - you'll be just the same I'm sure.
So have a happy and healthy 9 months and sod him - you sound better off without him.
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The following user says 'Thanks' to Mervs Mum for this post:
Hi ya hun,
It's sounds to me like your not having a great time right now. All I can say is your ex is missing out on something quite spectacular! I mean he will miss seeing the first scan and all the wonderful things that go along with pregnancy. I'm glad you have support from your friends and family and just try and turn the situation around and think. Was he worth it if he can just turn his feelings of like a tap. It's hard to be strong right now with your pregnancy hormones playing havoc but things will get better and you can do this. I believe in you and I'm sure the other girls do to. Looking at your ticker your only a few days behind me so if you want to ask anything feel free, just drop by my journal or PM me. I'll try my best to help. Take care.
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The following user says 'Thanks' to SpecialGift89 for this post:
Thanks for your replies ladies! Sorry its taken so long to update after my first entry, but life has been busy.
I'm currently feeling very good about things today. My morning sickness has calmed down an awful lot now, and after my first bout of morning up-chucking, I'm actually managing to get through the day like I normally would before I fell pregnant. I feel really great, its amazing. Wasn't expecting to just yet and I know it won't last so i'm making the most of it while I can.
Not spoken to my ex (I have a lovely nickname for him) since last thursday, and usually it would bother me but I just can't be bothered with him right now. He's caused me too much stress lately, so its up to him what he does now. He's the one missing out on all the good stuff not me, so its tough luck really. He'll come to his senses one day, but by then it'l probably be too late. I miss him an awful lot, and have moments where i'll see/hear something and think 'Oh I must tell Gav that' reach for my phone then remember.. it makes me sad - very sad - but the moment then passes. I'm actually surprised how strong I'm being at the moment actually
I've spent the last few days with friends, basking in the glorious sun and its been lovely. I may have lost my fiancé and my whole life that went with him but my friends have really excelled themselves and stepped up to the mark. I'm really lucky actually
p.s i've just noticed my ticker is stuck on the wrong day. How annoying.
congrats on your bfp! hope you have a great 9 months. sorry to hear about your arse of an ex. men can be so unreliable. i'm sure you'll be able to do this much better without him x
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The following user says 'Thanks' to bexy_22 for this post:
Tomorrow i'll be 11 weeks. Time certainly flies by doesn't it. A mere 2 weeks until I move into the 2nd trimester and it means i've also known about the pregnancy for definite, now for 4 weeks. Amazing.
Not much has happened in the last few days. Had a bad day yesterday though.. probably the lowest i've been since I found out my OH was cheating on me. Blah. I was tidying up in my room and found my engagement ring box, with my engagement ring in it. So silly me put it back on for a bit. Baaaad mistake. It stirred up the mother of all emotions. I suppose for once I can blame it on my hormones but I felt so stupid sitting there and crying over a ring. Its not just the fact its a ring though.. its all about how ex-OH chose the perfect one for me, proposed in one of my most favourite places ever etc etc. Still pretty stupid of me though.
Pregnancy wise I still feel great in general. Morning sickness is still here and I get the odd twinge in my side, which i'm assured are stretching pains but apart from that i'm absolutely fine!
Tomorrow is my friends birthday so we're going out for a posho meal to celebrate. It'll be the first time the 'gang' have all been together since the news of my pregnancy broke, so that'll be fun. It'll also be the first time *everyone* around me will be drinking and i'll be on the old orange juice. To be honest though, I haven't missed drinking, despite being the biggest alcho out of my friend group. Haha. Funny that.
Anyway, thats all for now. Ciao x
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