In the first few weeks all I ate was balls of mozzarella cheese.....

x

Today I'm going to vent about all the bullshit in life - no wonder teenage mothers have a bad name! I wonder constantly what's getting into these kids' fucking heads.. Out of all the teenage mothers out there, I have yet to know one personally who doesn't leave her baby to go out and get piss ass drunk, do cocaine, ecstasy, acid, all that bullshit.. All I see are the teenage mothers who 'bling' themselves out, spend spend spend on THEMSELVES before they get to thinking about their little one/s, I find it horribly pathetic. I mean how does it speak of us as a society, not as one but as a whole, when there are people out there who trash themselves, their environment and other people's lives aswell?
I'm ashamed to live in Winnipeg.
We are the murder capital in all of Canada roughly every year. Thinking back on it, school was horrible when I was younger, I'm glad I don't go anymore! Racism is all you hear around here. People dying all the time, car thefts, joyriding, vandalism, narcissism, drugs drugs drugs. A kid about 9 or 10 years old tried dealing me drugs out here, for Gods sake what the * is wrong with the world?
And what makes people seem even more belligerent, is that they all act like it's cool (what they do) and fun.
Before, in the older days, you used to ask a child what he'd like to be when he grows up and he would look up at you and respond, "A fireman" (Or a police man or a doctor, etc.). But nowadays, you ask a child what he'd like to be when he grows up and he will look at you and respond, "A break in entrist',"An arsonist", etc.

Where have we gone wrong with our children.. we let them grow up in the streets, introduce them to drugs and all that yummy stuff at such a young age, and STILL we pose expectations for them and are disappointed when we find out what they are doing..
*sigh* I've depressed myself enough for now, I will write again later.

Pregnancy Related - Hm I don't know if it's just me or if I look like my bump is shrinking a little? Weird. All in all, I have gained roughly 21 pounds in (almost) 26 weeks!

i agree with you, what kind of world are we bringing children in to?! its pretty rough around where i live to. i remember when i was little people used to leave their back doors open and we used to play in the street where did all that go!

I know! I used to play outside until after dark, now where I live, we recede indoors as soon as the sun starts to set, fearing for our lives.

I had a horrible dream last night. In my dream - I had just arrived home to find that there was a party at my house, I figured Winston had thrown it(my cousin whom I live with - he is 20). Inside I found a few of my close cousins, and a few ex-friends of mine. Larissa - my favourite cousin, my best friend. Krista - my cousin, Christin - my cousin, Darin - my ex-boyfriend/ex-friend (we broke up because he started doing crack cocaine and joyriding every chance he could) and Paige - WAS my lifelong best friend, BFFL, but our friendship ended when I started straightening my life out -
Anyhow, I was talking to Larissa and we started playing Dance Dance Revoloution. I saw Darin arguing with Paige - and then my grandmother came to pick up Larissa, Christin and Krista. So when I was saying goodbye, my auntie(not by blood - but I call her my auntie) Gina(Paige's mom) pulled up in her silver car out front to pick up Paige. Then I saw Paige run outside with a girl I don't like (turns out she was in my house, in the basement - which is why I didn't see her at first), and I started shouting at Paige saying "You know not to bring people I don't fucking like in my own fucking house!" She just kept going, and told her mother to drive away. Needless to say,
her mother refused. She dragged Paige into the house behind her and came to ask me what the problem was, I started to tell her when the light of my living room hit Paige's face as she walked through the door.
Her face was an off yellow, her pupils were huge and her face .. Her once beautiful face had the life sucked out of it, her face resembled a skeleton. Her makeup was caked on, and I asked her what the fuck was wrong with her !?
She simply replied, slurring her words with her eyes rolling to the back of her head, "I'm sick.. I feel sick." Her face was now turning a deep shade of grey, her skin losing it's pigmentation as I sat there and watched.
And in an instant I had a flashback of an ecstasy + cocaine trip - The world started spinning, her face turning all shades of purple, red, orange every colour. Hallucinations. A different look on reality, feeling my heart through every vein, every muscle, every nerve in my body. Feeling my blood being poisoned, my blood turning black, every second it got worse and worse. And then I popped back to reality and realized that was what she was feeling. In the instant it took me to open my eyes and realize she was high, I knew she was going to die.

How did I know? Because that happened to me once, and I'm DAMN lucky to be alive. That scared me so much last night. My dream was so vivid, so real. Thing is, I know she's doing hard drugs and risking her life all the time, it only got worse when I told her I don't want to be her friend anymore.
I love her with my heart, she's like a sister to me, it's so hard to see everybody I was so close to dying slowly and not being able to do anything about it.
The people who once had life, who brought joy to everybody in their lives, now walking the streets like the living dead, homeless, alone, and just.. dead. + The thing that makes this so damn hard is it's everybody. Everybody who I used to be close to. Infact, a 13 year old girl named Ashleigh tried to sell her body for one cap of Ecstasy, she tried to get us to buy her body. Her poor 13 year old body, in which she explained has been all over 'main street', 'has been around', .. Ugh. When will this bloody end?

This story literally made me shiver.



I'm so sorry about your friend,I honestly hope she'll follow your footsteps and get out of the mess she made.
I truly admire you for realizing things,straightening your life out and becoming so mature.Your son is truly lucky...

And you're right,it's easy to stay off drugs and bad things when you come from and live in places like me(I've never even seen a drug of any kind),but it's truly horrible how some kids live...All I can say is that I admire you...

Wow everything you say is so deep, you go into everything in every detail possible!

the streets every were are full of kids that think its 'cool' to go round drinking, smoking etc.
it gets out of hand especially around in Liverpool around here a little boy called Rhys Jones < if any one has heard of him, he is an 11 year old boy who got shot an died in the arms of his mum as she held him crying as he took his last breath. Rhys was on his way home from his football training and stopped to play football with his mates in a car park were a lad in a 'hoody' shot him, its took the police almost a year to catch the killer because people are so scared of being called a 'grass'.

i look up to you the way you have handled things and have come out in the world with your head held up high and you have proved to people they can get of the whole 'gang' scene if they put there minds to it.

xx

Thank you for the responses, it really means something, it truly does.

where i live theres gangs between the estates, they are Asians vs africans people are constantly getting stabbed or beaten up, last year a 17year old Asian girl was raped by 3 africans because she was walking through the 'wrong' estate its vile.

i have vivid dreams too, sometimes its hard to figure out if your dreaming or if you have woken up and its just a really really bad day.

drugs do funny things to people, you dont realize you have a problem while your still dancing on the rooftops, or when you wake up the next day wondering where you can get more.... i used to live with a cocaine addict and i got into a patten of wasting days/weeks of my life i was really depressed and lost luckly i got out before things got to bad.
when you do drugs you find a weird self justification, you talk yourself into thinking its ok and the idiots around you back up your fragile mind.
its a bad cycle to fall into but when your there nothing anyone can tell you will change your mind. these people need to learn/realize for themselfs what they are doing to their lifes.

its sad that some people go too far.

im pleased you got out of it (im glad i did too!!) you have a beautiful baby inside you and the world at your feet. although these people were at one point very close to you now they are a world away, maybe its time to let go and say goodbye

Words of brilliance! You really know your shit, don't you? Your intelligence is amazing, it blew me away I must say.