Mike is home and everything is great
On the way to the airport to meet Mike, Tom must have felt my excitement as he kicked the whole way! I had spent hours getting ready so I would look good when he saw me for the first time in two months! Walking round the terminal completely lost, I walked into him looking for me! I gave him the largest hug and kiss ever and was overwhelmed with love and shock at seeing him again! The first thing he did after the hug was push me away, look at my tummy and say “OMG! You are huge!!” Then hug me again with such pride on his face! It felt absolutely amazing to see him again and know he was going to be home until September. That night we hugged each other to sleep, but not before Mike felt Tom kick his hand really hard. I will never forget that look on his face. Pure pride! With him by my side I could cope with anything.
Mike spent the next few days settling in to his new home and getting used to having a heavily pregnant grumpy girlfriend about the house. The first thing he did was the garden, whilst I washed and prepared baby clothes. We immediately started the parentcraft classes together, bought everything we needed for the big day and packed our maternity bag(s) for our 10 day hospital stay.
Time flew by so quickly and before we knew it we were at week 36 and I started to lose my plug! Then reality hit that little Tom could be here any day!! The BH started to get intense and painful, and every few days got more and more painful, but never really regular. Then one evening, after watering the garden, I was washing my hands at the sink and did a really sudden sneeze and “gush”! I lost about a mug full of water onto the kitchen floor! Mike came running in whilst on the phone “oh no! Did your waters go? I heard it from the living room!!!” I honestly didn’t know what had happened! I went upstairs and emptied by bladder (which wasn’t empty already) and had a shower, before sitting down and thinking that it really could have been my waters! I was only 36+3 days so knew there would be a real risk to Tom if I didn’t get it checked out.
I didn’t have any contractions, just BH, but I did have an awful backache in my left side which had been there for about 48 hours, which felt muscular and deep. So I rang the labour ward and they asked me to come in asap. As Tom had SB, they didn’t want to risk anything. My parents came and took me to the labour ward and we got there at around midnight.
The labour ward was the most surreal thing. I was put into a birthing room, with a cot and all the equipment needed to deliver. I couldn’t believe I was there. I didn’t feel ready at all!! The MWs put me on a monitor to monitor the baby and a few hours later a doctor did a speculum and took some swabs. The conclusion was that my waters hadn’t broken, but that I had a kidney infection which had caused my bladder to fail. They gave me some antibiotics and did a trace on Tom’s heart rate and my contractions for an hour before giving me the choice to go home or stay the night. At 3 am I decided I would go home and rest, as I was convinced it had all been a huge bladder failure. I was more than a little embarrassed and wanted to curl up in my bed!
A few mornings later I woke up to seriously strong cramps and thought that it might be the beginning of things, but after an hour they stopped leaving me feeling very very sore and with a dramatically lower bump! My guess was that he had dropped. Luckily, that day we had a MW appointment and she confirmed he had indeed dropped and fully engaged! I was so excited!!
Week 37 and we had our last scan (and Mike’s first scan). I really hoped that Mike would be able to see Tom’s face, but unfortunately, as he was fully engaged, it was impossible. Within a few minutes of lying on my back I felt very very ill and faint and had to stop the scan. My consultant decided she had seen all she needed to and after I recovered, led me to another room where they normally tell me the results.
Instead of giving me any news, she said it had been too hard to see anything, and that she wanted to see me in her antenatal clinic in two weeks, and with that she left the report and was gone. I could see the report didn’t really say anything and I was left feeling quite disappointed. It did however show that his little growth spurt had slowed down now I was controlling my GD and he was now between the average and small average line! Which was great! The specialist NICU midwife then came into the room to go through all the SB issues with Mike, as he had not been at any of the other meetings I had had.
After answering all his questions, I was left feeling more nervous than before. She hadn’t seen our notes so knew nothing of the specifics of our case and mentioned something no one had ever mentioned to me before, and that was when he is born, he will be assessed to see if surgery is viable! This had never been told to me to be an “if”! I put it down to the fact she knew nothing of our specific case and the surgeon hadn’t mentioned it before as he thought it was unlikely. It still niggled in the back of my mind.
She then took us on a tour of NICU and PICU where he would have surgery and be for 10 days after birth. She showed us the exact process and all the equipment which would be used at the birth and afterwards. As soon as he is born, he will be carried over the otherside of the room to a special examination table where he will be assessed and wrapped, before being bought back to me for a cuddle. He would then be taken away to NICU until surgery.
It was all so overwhelming and frightening. I had to tell myself to deal with it one stage at a time to avoid getting upset. No one could answer any of my questions about natural delivery of placenta, drugs, breastfeeding etc, because no one would know until he was born.
Overall though, I felt more prepared and Mike felt much more confident about what to expect.
The next few weeks were a blur of BH, getting steadily worse and more preparations. Anxiety was really starting to kick in and I found myself not frightened of the labour, by very anxious for it to be over so I could finally put my mind at rest about Tom’s SB, and also extremely frightened that things might not be ok. I found myself regularly bursting into tears of fear.
At 38+5 weeks, we had our appointment with the consultant, which I presumed was to discuss our birthing options.
Just read your journal today and you've had me in tears. You're so brave and little Tommy is very lucky to have you.
you are such a strong person and your little one is so lucky to have a mummy like you. i really wish you well with everything and have no doubt you will all get through it just fine xxx
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