Today I am 3 weeks + 6, or rather, tommorrow I am officially at 1 month! Today is also the day that I would've gotten my period, if I wasn't so pregnant. This entire time my symptoms have felt so much like AF -- cramping, moodiness, sore boobies, etc. -- that it's kind of hard to believe it. Oh, and I'm bloated, too. And slightly sick... I don't really feel like eating most of the time, but make myself because I know I need to. And I don't know if it's a heightened sense of smell, but the woman at the computer next to me smells strongly like baby powder. Weird.
The thing is, I don't really feel like I can complain all that much about symptoms. I feel like as long as they continue, it's a good sign that everything is progressing as it should. For the few days I've known I'm pregnant, I've told everyone and their mother, I couldn't hold it in. And now the excitement has been tempered by the fear of miscarriage. Yep, the 'M' word. It seems like every spare moment of the day, I am checking out stats on miscarriage rates and odds and symptoms, etc. Which is silly... I guess I'm just looking for the peace of mind that I know isn't really going to be there until my first scan (a month and a half from now), God willing.
Told a coworker today that I am pregnant, and she said something to the effect of "aren't you worried about whammying yourself" over the fact that I revealed it before 12 weeks. Yeeeaaahh, that made me feel MUCH better. Like if I miscarry it's because I told people too early, or that it's something I should hide and pretend didn't happen. Like it would be my fault. Argh, that's such B.S!
Still, I want everything to go well so, so badly. But I keep reading all these scary things, like how it's estimated 50-60% of all first pregnancies end in miscarriage early on. Grr, I don't want to hear that! I want to hear that the only way to miscarry is if you stand on a treestump on a Tuesday night under a full moon on the 3rd Saturday in October, or something. Not the whole foreboding, "Anything you do can't stop it... it's probably coming when you least expect it, mwa ha ha ha ha!!!" So I've been ducking in the bathroom about ten times a day to check my CM for blood (I know, TMI), as sad and paranoid as that sounds. I just want this baby so, so badly.
And I've got this appointment I have to go to this Weds so I can fill out reams of paperwork, get loads of blood drawn, and get my next two appointments scheduled (including the one in late April that will hopefully let me hear the heartbeat!) Since DH has the day off, I am dragging him to it (though it will be boring as hell, I know). Then the following Weds I have a pregnancy and nutrition class to go to. And then it's all... waiting, which blows. I mean, I'm so thrilled to be PG, and so scared at the same time. Which was not at all like I expected to be. Go figure.
OK, so searching about implantation and pregnancy loss, and I came across this from the New England Journal of Medicine:
The risk of early pregnancy loss increased with later implantation (P<0.001). Among the 102 conceptuses that implanted by the ninth day, 13 percent ended in early loss. This proportion rose to 26 percent with implantation on day 10, to 52 percent on day 11, and to 82 percent after day 11.
Which makes me feel way better, because I got a positive test 9DPO, meaning there was early implantation! Plus DH and I are young, which means a lower risk. Yay!
...
Umm, yeah, so I do think about this stuff too much. Lock me up, at least for DH's sanity.
So today is the official fourth week (though the embryo is only 2 weeks along), and I'm happy about it. Only six weeks to go until my first ultrasound!
Last night when I laid down in bed I had the nastiest cramp... thankfully it went away after some repositioning. Though when I went home last night, I ended up crashing at 7:30, waking up at 9:45, staying up for an hour and a half, then going back to bed and sleeping for 6 hours. For whatever reason lately, I keep waking up ten minutes before my alarm. Weird, right?
Tomorrow I get to find out the dates of my next two appointments. I know that I won't even get to see a doctor for a month and a half, but I am still so excited just to have a concrete date to look forward to!
I went down to get my OB chart started, which consisted of signing about ten different pages and documenting family history, etc. It was all really boring... I feel sorry for dragging DH down there only to sit for five minutes with me and fill out papers. Poor baby.
BUT I did get a date for my first ultrasound (and pap smear and all that fun stuff) -- April 28th at 2 pm. I'm so excited!!! It's crazy timing, too, because that's going to be the day after DH and I celebrate our first anniversary! OK, so we didn't waste any time making babies, but I can't think of any greater anniversary present than getting to see our unborn child for the first time! Ohhh, I wish it was April already.
Next Tuesday I am scheduled for some kind of newly pregnant orientation where you sit for an hour and recieve loads of books and magazines about parenting, and then the next day is that pregnancy fitness class. The next few months are going to be kind of crazy with all the classes and stuff I'm going to. But I'm eager for this pregnancy just to progress to the point where I feel comfortable and no longer on the edge about any little twinge. That will be nice.
Everything bodily wise is going fine today. A few cramps here and there, sore boobies and a general gassy feeling. How sexy.
4 + 2 today. I've been feeling less crampy today and yesterday than I normally do, though tired with sore boobies, so go figure. DH thinks that they've gotten bigger, and so do I, but only by a little bit. I hear that I've yet for most of the symptoms to start, so I guess I should enjoy this time while I have it.
For fun, I have taken to peeing on the leftover OPK strips I have. I learned yesterday that due to the chemical similarity of LH and HCG that you will get a pos. OPK when you're pregnant so, of course, I had to try. It's actually pretty fun, if you're insane like me.
Wish it was April already... *sigh*... and I'm jealous of all the people with early scans (including Decosta, of course). One of my coworkers is going with his wife to their first scan tomorrow. Green is not my color, seriously, but I still feel like pounding my little feet in anger and pouting like when I was five. And if anyone said anything, I would blame it all on the 'pregnancy hormones'. 'Cause that's how I roll.
Ooh, good idea. I'm considering going the private route when I found out that my doctors are only going to do one ultrasound (!) at 10 weeks... and if there's no complications, that's it. Like I could settle for just one!
Today is 4 + 3. I am happy in the knowledge that by Tues. of next week, I will be in the 5th week. But I am confused about the dating system of pregnancies... I read in one book that by the 5th week after your LMP you are starting your second month of pregnancy, but then another said that the second month is weeks 6-10, so I am thoroughly confused! I don't know if I can say at the fifth week that I am starting the second month, or if I am being premature! I am honestly so confused how doctors label 'months' in pregnancy, because they're obviously not like regular calander months! I feel so pregnancy retarded (no offense intended; I could call is 'pregnancy mentally challenged', but I don't really like the ring to it) right now.
So yesterday I was only in at work for an hour, which meant more free time. Whee! I went shopping, browsed the internet... and slept from 2 in the afternoon 'til about 7 at night, when my poor DH woke me up asking for dinner. Then I napped on and off until 11, when I went to bed ('til about 7 or so in the morning). I'm not used to sleeping this much, but I've been so tired lately!
And during my many hours of sleep (many, many, many hours), I dreamt about the craziest thing. See, in my dream I had already given birth. The baby was living in the old house I grew up in, for whatever reason. I was going downstairs to change its diaper when I realized that I hadn't bought any diapers at all. But heading downstairs anyway, I notice this huge, nasty, almost totally clear millipede/centipede (can't remember the difference, but in my dream it was millipede). It's crawling on the floor next to me, it's ugly little feet making these nasty metallic clicky noises. I, being as bug phobic as I am, freak out and try to squash it with my foot -- but because I am wearing soft, fuzzy slippers, only manage to piss it off. It dodges my foot and starts jumping at me, trying to bite me. I start screaming: "Help! Somebody, help me!", because I know with my soft shoes, I'm powerless to defend myself.
Right before the damn thing jumps on my face, I wake up. I really had to pee (not from fear, from the water I drank earlier).
Such a strange dream. This is the second time I have dreamt about my unborn baby as an infant... the first time, my husband and I were tickling it and it was cooing and smiling. This dream was decidedly more unpleasant.
Still waiting for the 'big' symptoms to show up, more than the wussy nausea I've got going right now (which is mostly around after meals) and fading cramping. Boobies are still sore as all, but no worse than PMSing. I feel like saying, "Pfft, please, is that all you've got?" and throwing caution to the wind, but no need to tempt fate, right? Probably end up with my head in the toilet bowl for the next three months for that one.
This weekend was thoroughly uneventful. DH was worked through Sunday, so I spent most of the day lying on the couch and flipping through channels. You know, sometimes there really is nothing good on TV (and WAY too many commercials, seriously). I didn't get as much sleep as I would've liked -- for whatever reason, I was having problems getting to sleep through the night. Except for last night, when I slept about nine hours straight, which was heavenly.
Ooh, and Friday I bought this super-soft marshmallowy mattress cover, which makes me never want to leave the bed. It's like sleeping on a cloud... Really, one of the best impulse purchases I've ever made.
Tomorrow I'm headed to my group appointment, where I get a load of pamphlets and magazines and stand around with a bunch of pregnant ladies for an hour and get lectured about different options and issues and childcare, etc. According to a co-worker, they in all honesty ask you if you feel that hitting your child is appropriate punishment (as in smacking them hard, not just spanking or anything) to see if you're a potential child abuser. I'm kind of tempted to say something like: "I'm planning to beat the hell out of it the second it gets out of the womb. Teach that little ******* who's boss," but it might not go over so well. Like when I was fifteen and applying for a permit and said: "Oh, yeah, all the time," when they asked me if I took recreational drugs (the lady did not look happy with that reply -- even though I was completely kidding -- and it caused my mom to gasp with horror at my inappropriate joke timing).
Coworker's wife had her ultrasound last Friday... all was perfect, and he got to see/hear the heartbeat. I seriously had to squash down my green monster when I heard that. He didn't even seem to get how wonderful that news is, that everything's going well... if that happened to me, I wouldn't shut up about it! Heck, I can't even shut up about my daily mundane life! See? SEE?!!!
I went to my group appointment today and sat through an hour and a half of filling out paperwork and listening to nutrition guidance, a virtual tour of the delivery rooms (actually super nice with wood floors and LCD TVs and a chair that converts to a sleeper for DH), and some lady talk about how breastfeeding is good and formula sucks and will make your baby some kind of mentally deficient boy-in-a-bubble who will suffer constant illness and get asthma because you bought some lousy sugar water for your baby, you terrible person, you. I already figured on breastfeeding, but I found her views to be a bit extreme.
It was pretty boring and I felt like sleeping, but I did get some nice free stuff (magazines, diaper samples, etc) and some information I needed, so it's all good.
Tomorrow is the lengthy, 2 hr. prenatal nutrition/fitness class at the gym, and won't that be a kick? I don't know if DH wants to go to this one, though, 'cause I don't know how much it will have to do with him?
Ahh, just happy that I'm 5 weeks and feeling good.
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Ohhh, I wish it was April already.
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