Meetings, Meetings, Meetings

“So the action point for this meeting is to complete the estimates so that we can tell Robert where we’re going to be during this project”.

….So, there I was contemplating the fact that I had just eaten a greasy flapjack and whether I would need to go to the gym later on, to burn off the calories. Other more immediate thoughts that were swimming around my brain were

It was time to go home in an hour, not bad.
It would be good to finish the estimates on Monday, so it would be in on time

Compared to other jobs I’ve had, the nature of my job allows me to have my mobile phone with me, without the presence of customers, so getting a call from my wife isn’t weird or unexpected. I usually phone her just to see how she’s doing, whether dinner is going to be ready (No. I’m not one of those guys, I appreciate the fact that she cooks, and as far as I know, she likes it – That and we have a deal. She cooks, I wash up and it’s an arrangement that has worked for us since we’ve been together) and how my pseudo son is doing (our black Labrador – Jake).


The News

Well, that was a paragraph about nothing, that’s what happens when you get a word document and a brain full of stuff that needs to get out.

So I got the phone call and the conversation went like this.

Wife: I’ve taken a test and you can’t say what you’ve always wanted to say
Me (Thinking that she’s taken an OPK).
Wife: You there. I’ve taken a test and it’s positive.
Me: Oh, that’s good (still thinking that it’s an OPK test).
Wife: Yeah, I’m pregnant.
Me: OH.
Wife: She then says that she had to tell me and to get a Clearblue on the way home.

After that, it was a bit of a blur to what she said, but I do know that I was saying HMMM a lot, enough to annoy the people around me. What else could you say in a full office environment?

The travel home

So I stopped off at the supermarket and went straight to the baby aisle and must have spent a good 10 minutes trying to find the pregnancy test. Did I find it, did I heck. So I ended up going to the pharmacy counter to only be told that it was in the baby aisle.

Eventually I found it, paid for it and then proceeded to break the land speed record. I didn’t, but it felt like I was.

The start of the weekend

Was I in shock, happy, angry or sad?

I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I mean I am happy and elated about all this, it’s just hard to comprehend, that potentially in nine months, there will be a screaming brat angel that will rely on my wife and me for food, protection and love. Makes you put everything into perspective.

It must be the water around here or even just the age that I’m at (29/30), that must mean I’m in the general average age range to start a family. It must be an omen, because even on the day of the news, the following things happened:

A colleague gave birth to a baby girl about 30 minutes before I heard the news
Another colleague who has been on maternity leave returned to work.
Another colleague who we kind of suspected was pregnant, now looks pregnant and confirmed it.

Also around the office are three guys that have just had children, one even returned to work a couple of weeks ago. Put it this way, the stork was busier and more reliable than Royal Mail in 2007/2008.

I even had a dream a couple of weeks ago that my wife gave birth to a girl, and I never dream that kind of stuff. Mine are more movie/epic dreams with start, middle and endings (I can lucid dream up to a point). The wife recently had a dream where a snake ate the baby (weird, but apparently death is supposed to be a metaphor for life, go figure).

Anyway back to the weekend, after 5 cheapie brands and the Clearblue test, we accepted that, yes she was pregnant. This is good because she suffers from PCOS, which for the uninformed is a condition where cysts are on the ovaries due to, too many eggs being released and not going anywhere. Point being, is that it makes conceiving a baby harder than it is normally. So the fact that she’s pregnant means is very good news. If Victoria Beckham has PCOS and she has two (three?) kids, then why not us.

Another weird thing is that you hear about these celebrities being pregnant, then next minute, you turn around and they’re carrying around their newborn. I wish time will go that fast for us, I doubt it though.

So the rest of the weekend was spent researching and buying as many magazines as possible and scouring the net for guidance to what we can expect. To say that there is a lot is an understatement. Most of the forums out there are geared towards women, which are great considering that they’re the ones going through the pregnancy, but there’s not a lot for men. There are some and they are great, I just haven’t found the Mecca of all that is Daddy information.

Now, in the grand scheme of things, I’m not a guy that wears his emotions on his sleeve, but ever since I found out the good news, it seems like I’m going through the symptoms rather than the wife. On the Saturday morning, I got cramps and felt immensely dizzy to the point of almost falling over. My appetite wasn’t all that at first (it’s recovered now, almost too much). I’m forgetting stuff and I can’t really concentrate on things.

I generally don’t feel nervous about things, much to the annoyance of the wife sometimes, but this must be a weird subset of that feeling. It would be handy to know if other men go through this. Both of us sort of wish that we hadn’t found out this early (5 weeks), as it’s a further 7ish weeks that we can tell people.

It should be interesting to see the reactions of what our family and friends say, I highly doubt that anyone is going to be negative about it.

Chapter 2

Shopping

So after the reading and researching, we decided to go to the town centre to pop to Mothercare to see what bounty awaited us at the finishing line. Now, it might be tempting fate, but I felt that I needed to do something more proactive rather than just sit there reading about things.

So 30 minutes later, we’re wandering around Mothercare looking at all the clothes and accessories that you can buy to make parenthood easier. What really baffles me the most are the pushchairs and travel systems. I almost expected one to speak out like Optimus Prime:

Optimus: Will Wikkie, this is Graco, our travel and logistics expert, this is Avert, our nutritionist and storage expert.
Will: Pleased to meet you.
Optimus: Let’s roll Travel Systems. Transform.

I mean, we did see some nice systems, nice colours and more storage compartments than a Boeing 747, but why so much. I know it’s for the comfort of the baby, and I’ll probably spend more on a console plus games, but it is hard to know why one system is better than another system. I guess I have to spec it out like you would a car.

Which travel system is the Ferrari, the Aston Martin, Bentley or even the equivalent of an American muscle car? Which one is the right old lemon that you wouldn’t even allow your worst enemy in?

Also, do parents really need all the accessories that Mothercare can provide, I know raising kids is expensive, and in the grand scheme of things, I’m not that bothered about the cost, but it seems that you can have every avenue of child raising covered, from entertainment to feeding. Anyway, I walked out of there clutching “The blokes guide to pregnancy”.

Also, what other shops apart from Mothercare are there? It seems like they have the monopoly on all things kiddie related. The only other shop is Boots and there wasn’t that much selection there either. Suggestions would be welcome. Shopping online is fine; we do it all the time from the shopping to electronic goods. Heck, I even brought my car online, but when it comes to Baby X, I think a hands on approach is called for.

So again, suggestions would be welcome and an explanation of why you chose it would be nice.

So, I’m writing this at work at 15:00, along with writing other scripts and specs. I might have mentioned it up above, but I feel so emotionally drained. I feel like I’ve been crying for the entire weekend. I guess I just need to talk to other prospective dads or newborn dads just to see

How they got through the whole waiting for the big day
How they kept from telling anyone. For me, that part is easy, I don’t want to tell everyone, I just want to talk to people that have gone through the process. Be nice to get some tips and hints.

Writing this down seems to help and I think this will be my mechanism of “coping”. I so want the baby to go full term.

As I’ve mentioned on previous posts, I’m just taking it day by day, all xxx of them. My biggest fear is that we’ll lose it via miscarriage. I hope that doesn’t happen even though there is a 1:4 chance. So I’m going to look forward to talking to the midwife, then I’m going to wait for the scan. That’s the only way I think I can do it, just take one event at a time.

In terms of what kind of dad I want to be, I like to think I’ll be the firm but fair kind, set the boundaries but allow them the freedom to do what they want (within reason). I also want to be the kind of dad that is more active with their baby, go to the park and not rely on other people to take care of my baby. I want to be a fit, active and responsible dad that actually enjoys spending time with his kid rather than watching the football on TV, or going to the pub and drinking copious amounts of alcohol because it’s too much hassle bringing up a kid.

The actual baby

Now, I really know that it’s WAY to early to be thinking about stuff like this, but we’ve drawn up a list of names and of course, each of us have veto powers with each other’s choices.

I’ve always liked the name Jadzia, so that is going to be in there somewhere. If it’s a boy, then I’m going to carry on the tradition that was started on my dad’s side. We all have similar middle name but with alternative spelling with each son (I.e. My son will have the same spelling as my dad; I have the same spelling as my granddad).

The baby will be lucky because we’re both tech heads, gadget freaks, so it’ll have the consoles, the big TV, the computers and laptops. If it’s a girl and sporty, then that’ll be cool as I like doing the martial art capoeira which is very gymnastic in nature. I can do handstands and cartwheels so I would be able to bond on that level. If it’s a boy, then I can teach it about the gym, martial arts and American football. I’ll be a bit stuck if they like football which is a high probability.

If the baby is academic, then that’s cool, the wife is very academic in nature and we would be able to bond on that level. Music is covered, I’ve always liked music and tried learning the guitar and I would love to learn the piano. If it’s a girl and wants to be a model as I’m sure that many do, then I would be able to guide her as one of my many interests is photography and I know some people that might be able to help her. Whether I’ll be in the same circle when she’s 18+, I don’t know.

I still like my cartoons and comics, the good old classics like X-Men, Thunder Cats, Dungeons and Dragons, M.A.S.K, He-Man. There is culture right there, so as soon as Baby X is old enough to understand, they are going to start watching it. No question about it…No arguments…No problem.

Whatever, they want to do in life; I hope that my wife and I would be there to support him/her in what ever they want to do. All we ask is that they enjoy themselves and perform what they want to do with the best of their ability.

Now, this was supposed to be more like a story, but it’s turned out to be more of a blog, so everyday I’ll put down some thoughts about the journey towards fatherhood. It’ll be a good record of how I’m feeling and what’s going on that day or particular week.


Conclusion

Anyway, I better end it here, but my last words (for now) is that it’s amazing how this shows how much I love my wife and the unconditional love that I feel towards her and my unborn child. It amazes me when I read stories on forums where the husband cannot be bothered with their child or the mother. What they must feel baffles me.

P.S – If you’ve managed to read all of this, I’m impressed. I hope you come back for more instalments.

P.P.S – I did a quick poll with the pregnant woman whose still at work; she too hates random strangers touching her bump without asking. She even said that some people aren’t even gentle.

Congratulations on your baby.
I think it's cute you have pregnancy symptoms!

congrats

Thanks, went to the doctors today and of course, there was nothing much that he could do, except for booking an appointment with the midwife. So now the wife has an appointment for next monday.

What happens at during the first meeting?

So after that we went shopping and popped into a big Mothercare and looked at pushchairs/travel systems. We like the trenton deluxe/greco version. Just have to see if it fits in the car.

What systems do people recommend? We ended up eyeballing any potential pushchairs we saw on our travels. People must have thought we were weird.

It seems like forever till the appointment and a potential first scan. Going to see how much flexitime/holidays I can wrangle.

OMG I think you are mental!!!!! (to be hopefully taken in a nice way) PLEASE PLEASE keep up your journal I think it is wonderful and its great to have something from a male point of view.

Congrats to you and the missus, here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Thanks for the comment

As for today, nothing much occurred. Told two people, a best mate at work and another pregnant woman who gave me tips on 1) The shop where she brought her stuff and 2) What my wife will expect. She mentioned that waiting is the hardest part and to be positive about the experience.

So went to the shop (Baby World in Cheltenham) and tried out the Britax Voyaga Ultra within the car. Didn't fit in the boot . So put it in the back seat and it fitted nicely, just going to have to secure it with the seatbeat. Also tried the car seat in which fit snuggly in. Just have to make sure that all the things are secured as don't want the pram to conk the baby on the head. That wouldn't be good

Was also looking for themed onesies (Wanted a capoeira one, but no luck so far). Also looking for several X-men themed plushies. I'm sure there must be some around.

As the months go on, going to have to see about moving house as we're kinda cramped where we are. Our dog isn't going to be too pleased (his bedroom is our living room and it might get converted into a nursery).

Told someone at work that I wouldn't mind Toy's R us vouchers for my 30th this year, so hopefully I should get 20-30 pounds (if I'm lucky) to put towards the system that we like.

Talking of systems, does anyone have any good recommendations for good sturdy and solid ones that are good?

Wow, really good to see you get your thoughts down! Great stuff. Looking forward to following your story!
We discovered we were pregnant at 5 weeks. I too phoned OH at work to tell him but just stuck to the one test as line was very dark and definite.
It wasn't until 9 weeks that I saw m/w for booking appt. Nothing really happened either. Questions about family history of illnesses etc. You get your app form for free prescriptions. She didn't weigh me or anything! lol
Then I got a letter to tell me when 12 week scan was. That was very exciting. I did think that time would go very slowly as finding out at 5 weeks is quite soon! But it hasn't. I can't believe sometimes that I am nearly half way!
Anyway, travel system. I don't know regards sturdy and solid but I am buying a second hand one from a friend. She has used it for 2 babies. It is a Graco Metrosport Travel System in Metropolitan from Babies R Us. It's priced at £109.99 online and I reckon a bargain! It's got the car seat, it's quite lightweight compared to some and the handle height can be adjusted. That's covered all the points I was really interested in. If I wasn't buying hers I think I'd get one new.
Anyway, I'm going to get my OH to check in on your journal.
Good luck with everything!

Congratulations to you and your wife
I've just read all your journal so far and it has really made me smile, please please keep it up

I'll answer a couple of your questions the best i can, but it is a while since i did some of this lol

Booking in the midwife will basically ask you a boat load of questions about both yours and your wifes health and family health, take blood pressure and maybe a blood sample. She will give you a ton of leaflets and booklets too as well as the pregnancy notes

Pram I had/have a mamas and papas Pliko with the prima viaggio carseat, i love it but is quite bulky when folded. I would eecomend that if you see a pram/system that you like, check out some reveiw guides on net to get an idea of what they are like.

Final bit of advice for the minute, if you are thinking of buying things online, stay away from Two left Feet, prices are not worth the hassle at all

Just read your journal from the beginning and i have to say it really made me smile. It's great to hear it all from a male perspective. My hubby is excited but doesn't quite show it in the same way.lol. Can't wait for the next installment.