i feel sooooooo guilty and awful - rant sorry!

helenbun2005 · Aug 7th, 2008, 13:21 PM

So today - By mistake (thats a story in itself) - i found out that my Big bro and his wife have been ttc for nearly 4 years, and are about to start their 3rd round of IVF.

Now i feel awful for getting pregnant straight away.

No wonder my bro was so off with me when i saw him the other day - and why its taken my SIL three days to txt me congratulations. I know i cant put my life on hold for other people and this was a secret of theirs for so long, but still i feel as though this shouldnt have happened and maybe i desurve a miscarage?!

I dont know - this doesnt help with the fact that im really hormonal and emotional at the moment. I dont need any replies, i just needed to shout it all off my chest. sorry all x

Lu28 · Aug 7th, 2008, 13:51 PM

Aww hon, I'm sure they wouldn't want you to feel like this, it's just going to be a bit difficult for them to come to terms with. Even though they have been trying for so long, you don't deserve this any less because you were lucky enough to become pg on your first try

jobee2222 · Aug 7th, 2008, 13:54 PM

If you were to have a miscarriage would that make them feel better? I dont think so, be happy for yourself its a blessing. Give them their space and you will find that will come round and will actually be happy for you. Thats a happy day for everyone so no negative thinking!

Hevz · Aug 7th, 2008, 14:05 PM

Don't beat yourself up babe.

Of course it'll be hard for them but you have to put yourself 1st sweetie

Mynxie · Aug 7th, 2008, 14:07 PM

sweetie, from someone who finds it hard to get pregnant and even harder to keep ahold of a pregnancy, honestly they're not upset with you, they're upset at how hard it is for them and how fate has an evil way of reminding them. I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm upset the most, when we're finding coping the hardest, that's usually when we find out that someone else is pregnant. They will be genuinely happy for you, just they'll find it really hard to show it. No one deserves a miscarriage - it's soul destroying, honestly....and you know what? They'll feel so guilty and maybe even selfish that they find it so hard to show that they're happy for you, when they are having so much trouble.

pennysbored · Aug 8th, 2008, 00:13 AM

I know you are feeling bad, but give them some space, they'll come around.
Enjoy this! Congrats on your

! And welcome to the club!

helenbun2005 · Aug 8th, 2008, 03:08 AM

Thanks all. I didnt slepp last night for thinking about everything. Our of all my bros an sisters i have a really cushy life and im so happy - so of course this brings more guilt!

You are all right though...im just going to give them space and not bring it up - if they want to talk about it, thats fine, but i wont bring it up. God all this pg stuff is complicated!

Im so sorry for those of you trying so hard. My thoughts and preyers are with you always x x x

**polo_princess** · Aug 8th, 2008, 03:43 AM

Dont give yourself a hard time about it ... theres nothing that can be done about the situation and you dont deserve a miscarriage!!

Im sure they are pleased for you its just a little difficult for them to get their heads around whilst their focused on TTC journey.

Holly21 · Aug 8th, 2008, 14:57 PM

It's through no fault of yours that they are having problems TTC so don't beat yourself up about it. It's nice that they've chosen to confide in you. You can now be there for them but make sure to enjoy your pregnancy and don't let it be ruined by guilt as you deserve a happy and healthy pregnancy

lolly101 · Aug 8th, 2008, 15:24 PM

Congrats on your

thats fantastic news!!
Don't beat yourself up about falling pg so quickly when they are struggling. They will be fine, just give them time to get their heads round it. I'm sure they will share a few tears but they def would NOT want you to mc at all. I have had a long wait to fall pg with my 2nd baby and I have had friends fall pg, have their babies then have another one!!! I have taken a while to say congrats but after a few weeks I have felt excited for them too!!!
Just enjoy your pregnancy

Aug 7th, 2008, 13:21 PM	#1
helenbun2005 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Milton Keynes Posts: 631	i feel sooooooo guilty and awful - rant sorry! So today - By mistake (thats a story in itself) - i found out that my Big bro and his wife have been ttc for nearly 4 years, and are about to start their 3rd round of IVF. Now i feel awful for getting pregnant straight away. No wonder my bro was so off with me when i saw him the other day - and why its taken my SIL three days to txt me congratulations. I know i cant put my life on hold for other people and this was a secret of theirs for so long, but still i feel as though this shouldnt have happened and maybe i desurve a miscarage?! I dont know - this doesnt help with the fact that im really hormonal and emotional at the moment. I dont need any replies, i just needed to shout it all off my chest. sorry all x

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Aug 7th, 2008, 13:51 PM	#2
Lu28 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Dublin, Ireland Posts: 12,646	Aww hon, I'm sure they wouldn't want you to feel like this, it's just going to be a bit difficult for them to come to terms with. Even though they have been trying for so long, you don't deserve this any less because you were lucky enough to become pg on your first try
	Bespoke silver fingerprint, handprint and footprint jewellery.
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Aug 7th, 2008, 13:54 PM	#3
jobee2222 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 420	If you were to have a miscarriage would that make them feel better? I dont think so, be happy for yourself its a blessing. Give them their space and you will find that will come round and will actually be happy for you. Thats a happy day for everyone so no negative thinking!

Status: Offline

Aug 7th, 2008, 14:05 PM	#4
Hevz Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Swinton, Manchester, England Posts: 4,581	Don't beat yourself up babe. Of course it'll be hard for them but you have to put yourself 1st sweetie

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Aug 7th, 2008, 14:07 PM	#5
Mynxie Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: In a dungeon lol Posts: 5,963	sweetie, from someone who finds it hard to get pregnant and even harder to keep ahold of a pregnancy, honestly they're not upset with you, they're upset at how hard it is for them and how fate has an evil way of reminding them. I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm upset the most, when we're finding coping the hardest, that's usually when we find out that someone else is pregnant. They will be genuinely happy for you, just they'll find it really hard to show it. No one deserves a miscarriage - it's soul destroying, honestly....and you know what? They'll feel so guilty and maybe even selfish that they find it so hard to show that they're happy for you, when they are having so much trouble.

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 00:13 AM	#6
pennysbored Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vancouver BC, Canada Posts: 2,357	I know you are feeling bad, but give them some space, they'll come around. Enjoy this! Congrats on your! And welcome to the club!

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Aug 8th, 2008, 03:08 AM	#7
helenbun2005 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Milton Keynes Posts: 631	Thanks all. I didnt slepp last night for thinking about everything. Our of all my bros an sisters i have a really cushy life and im so happy - so of course this brings more guilt! You are all right though...im just going to give them space and not bring it up - if they want to talk about it, thats fine, but i wont bring it up. God all this pg stuff is complicated! Im so sorry for those of you trying so hard. My thoughts and preyers are with you always x x x

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 03:43 AM	#8
polo_princess Mum (Mom) BabyandBump Team Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Hertfordshire Posts: 45,510	Dont give yourself a hard time about it ... theres nothing that can be done about the situation and you dont deserve a miscarriage!! Im sure they are pleased for you its just a little difficult for them to get their heads around whilst their focused on TTC journey.

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 14:57 PM	#9
Holly21 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 669	It's through no fault of yours that they are having problems TTC so don't beat yourself up about it. It's nice that they've chosen to confide in you. You can now be there for them but make sure to enjoy your pregnancy and don't let it be ruined by guilt as you deserve a happy and healthy pregnancy

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 15:24 PM	#10
lolly101 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: poole Dorset Posts: 2,508	Congrats on your thats fantastic news!! Don't beat yourself up about falling pg so quickly when they are struggling. They will be fine, just give them time to get their heads round it. I'm sure they will share a few tears but they def would NOT want you to mc at all. I have had a long wait to fall pg with my 2nd baby and I have had friends fall pg, have their babies then have another one!!! I have taken a while to say congrats but after a few weeks I have felt excited for them too!!! Just enjoy your pregnancy

Status: Offline

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