Landingmach3

sorry forgot to quote...some ladies on the first page were being rather inconsiderate

CamoQueen

Please don't marry your fiance. You don't love him and suspect very strongly that he doesn't love you... so why marry? I realize that a loveless marriage sounds easy to you now, but you would find yourself very unfulfilled in the long run. Love, and being with the one you love, is what makes life worth living. To be married and not to feel this way about your spouse, and to be pining for someone else for the rest of your life -- you know in your heart you don't want to live that way. And if you were to get married and stay married feeling the way you do, you would be stuck with either choosing infidelity or a loveless relationship, neither of which is a good option.

Your pregnancy is another sticky matter. The first thing you need to do, as people have suggested here, is to tell your fiance. This is going to suck, no matter how you go about it, but it really needs to be done. The second thing to do is figure out what you're going to do with the pregancy at hand... abortion, adoption, keep the child, what have you. Do some research and think really hard about it. As much as I would love to tell you what to do with your unborn child, only you can make the decision for yourself, in the end. I can't pretend to know you well enough to guide you in something so important.

These next few weeks or months are going to be very difficult for you, emotionally. But if you can be strong enough to get through it and do what is best for you, what you know is right in your heart, you'll be so much better off for it. I really hope everything works out in the end for you.

MUMOF4

I really feel for you, you have a lot of decisions to make, but you need to make sure that you dont make decisions that you may regret or resent later in life. Just put both guys out of the picture for a moment, and think of yourself and what you want to do about the baby. I think you should do is at least postpone your wedding, if you are not even sure that you love him, you certainly shouldnt be marrying him. Then there is also the fact that if you keep the baby and stay with him then it will only be a matter of time that people put two and two together and realise that you conceived when your fiance was away.

I would also just like to say to some of the people who have ripped into you on this site that we should all be supporting each other on here and that no-one's perfect, your young and everyone makes mistakes to some extent at one time or another in their life. No-one should have the right to judge anyone else.

Angelmouse

The one thing in all of this that you don't seem to have thought about is the the welfare of the baby.

You need to get a grip on yourself abit my love and take some responsibility. It's all very well asking for advice but tbh the way that you come across is as being slightly self centered. You don't want to deal with the scary bits and that is understandable but just because you don't want to deal doesn't mean that the whole thing will majically resolve itself.

Yes this sounds harsh because I am a harsh person but only because I've had to deal with so much in my own life. Talk to your EX or don't, get married or don't but for crying out loud be thinking about that tiny little life that you, like it or not, are now responsible for.

Good Luck.

16mumtobe

Come on girls dnt get horrible about this. I cant imagin the pain it must cause if you cant have children or you have lods of misscarriages. But people make mistakes.Im 16 and pregnant and first of all i didnt know what to do. Does that make me a bad person?? and i dont think anyone has the right to judge another person and be horrible about the situation they are in.

decalypso dont say sorry. you have just made a mistake and none of us should judge you for that. My advise would be to break off the engagment and tell your ex about the baby becuase even though alot of people are going to get hurt yiu cant keep it a secret forever.
xx

decalypso

Thanks everyone. Angelmouse you're right, I am being self-centred. But to begin with I was trying only to think of myself, because I assumed I'd be having an abortion and thinking about the welfare baby would put me off.

Slight update: I have told my fiance. He got back earlier than expected, about midnight last night, maybe one am. He was drained and in a foul mood from the jetlag and everything and I was only half awake so I decided to leave it until the morning, once we'd both had some sleep. Not that I got much.

This morning slept in until about 9am and told him I was pregnant a couple of hours later. He took it very badly, I suppose it's understandable. I could see it coming. He calmed down after a bit and started talking about 'the abortion' like it was a given. He seemed really shocked when I told him I hadn't booked it yet and asked me when I was going to book it. I told him I didn't know whether or not I was going to go through with it, I hadn't made my mind up yet. Then he got angry again. He said he wasn't going to bring up another man's baby and he couldn't get over the shame of having people know his wife had cheated on him and had a baby. I told him to leave it a while before he told his mother (I wanted some time to collect my thoughts before the s**t really hit the fan) but surprise surprise he rang her up this afternoon and told her immediately. Apparently right now she's 'so angry she can't face anyone or speak to anyone'. I never used to be afraid of her before, I've always had a quite a tough exterior and most of my friends and family think I'm this really level-headed and icy girl. Being pregnant makes me feel so much more vulnerable though and I don't want to be having a b**chy slanging match with her. I don't want to face the woman.

Maybe one thing I should point out, neither my fiance or his family know who my ex is, they've just never crossed paths and I've only ever mentioned him by his first name.


I'm still not 100 percent about how I'm going to proceed but the more time passes, the less of a good idea an abortion seems. I keep seeing little baby banners from people who are at about the same stage as me, and it says little things about how developed the baby would be. Fingers and toes and things. I suppose things like that are making me realise that an abortion would be difficult, even impossible, for me to go through with. I think the baby might be a girl. I know that sounds ridiculous since it's far too early to tell, but that's my gut feeling. It's just another thing niggling away in my mind telling me not to have an abortion.

Thank you for all your replies so far. You really have helped me to come to a decision.

Frankie

i dont think people are being inconsiderate, its a public messageboard where there will be both positive and negative comments made!

im sure youll make the best choice in the end

Tracie87

does your fellas family live in the 1800's... he aint bringing up another mans baby fine but what the hell makes him fink u wanna be with him or havent you told him yet you dont love him?
i dont think you should be with ur fella and i think your ex should no your pregnant with his baby.. and as for him getting married how do you think that poor girl thats marrying him will feel if she finds out hes gt a kid with sum1 and cheated on her...

you need 2 concentrate on you and your baby not your ex, not your fella or his family... YOU.
You shuddnt be ina loveless marriage. im married your age and if i didnt love my fella then id find it hard 2 live with him.
you need 2 sit down and evaluate your life. your an adult. youv got some real thinking to make chick coz now its not just you, its your babys.
it sound s harsh but you need 2 really have a think

decalypso

Yes!!

I don't think she'd be in any place to complain TBH since she's already cheated on him with his own brother.

I know, it doesn't sound harsh, you're right. I've got the telling my fiance out of the way (shame he isn't talking to me now other than in 2 word sentences). I haven't spoken face to face to his mother yet though. I'm not looking forward to that. I know she's going to try and persuade me to have an abortion. I know now that I'm not going to let her, her son or anybody else sway my decision though.

Tracie87

excuse my language but tell that stuck up cow of his mother to fuck off.. she has no right telling you what to do with your body. what a stuck up bitch, who she think she is telling you what to do.

leave hun if you want your baby you have your baby. alone or nt alone you can do it.