Hi

Not sure where to start this so the begining seems to be a good place.

My partner and I have just found out that she is pregnant (5 weeks). We discussed having a child a few months ago and decided that we would stop contraception (the pill) and just let nature take its course. So we were not 'trying', just not actively preventing. So, she came offf the pill last month after moving to the UK to join me, and at the first attempt she is pregnant (which the doc says is very unusual).

I understand this must be huge for her to take in. But her reaction is concerning me. She cries all the time, is nervous, a little bit compulsive, has decided quite adamantly she already wants an elective c-section, says she has an alien in side her, she hates her body, gets her self wound-up and is generally just hating the experience.

I am only her (male) partner and want to help, but there is only so much I can do. I suggested that she should talk to other women or maybe some professionals, but she blankly refuses to talk to anyone. And its this that concerns me the most. She is in a foreign country experiencing something that must be awful for her at this stage. She is alone I am sure, but she chooses to be alone and thinks that I can help solve everything. Says she doesnt need anyone except me. She didnt even want to go see the doctor (to get the pg confirmed). I was a real struggle for me to get her to go.

She feels ill right now but wants to seem to just let it happen. She feels sick in the morning so I suggested she try ginger biscuits (i read up on the subject), but she doesnt want to. Says she feels sick and she isnt hungry so why should she eat.

I'm very lost right now and not sure what to do. Are there support groups? What should I do. I dont see a single spark of maternal instinct right now and im worried for all of us.

Thanks in advance for your help.
Ian

First of all Congratulations.
My pregancy was planned and i have moments of OMG what have i done, and then moments of joy. Everyone says it, but hormones are really fluctuating right now and can make us all a bit irrational at times.
My advice to you would be, be supportive and don't push her into something she doesn't want to do. Perhaps buy her a pregnancy book with lots of advice in. When she is ready she will pick it up and start to read all the good advice you are trying to give her. Us women are strange creatures, and won't be told if we don't want to be.
I know it's hard, but try not to worry and in a couple of weeks i'm sure she'll come round and start to enjoy the experience.

Sounds like she is having a bit of a tough time.

Pregnancy can be disorientating at the best of times let alone when your in a different country.

Her hormones are probably all over the place right now which isnt helping her, maybe leave her be for a little while and see if she settles? If she doesnt try to talk her into coming on here plenty of women on here to support her who go through the same kind of thing.

Good luck!!

Thanks for the speedy responses ladies - I guess you are both right about leaving her be for a bit. I'll try not to be so much of a mother-hen.

What are your thoughts about eating at this stage? She just does not want to eat except in the evenings (except perhaps a yog for breakfast) and then she eats well. So she'll go all day eating nothing which worries me a touch as my understanding is that if she eats small but often it should help with the tiredness and sickness. Doc told her same thing but she has other ideas :-P

Though in fairness to her she has now tried the ginger biscuits and now loves the idea as it worked for her.

glad she has taken some advice and tried the ginger biscuits. dont realy have much advice just wanted to give u big men sometimes feel no part of pregnancy especially in the early stages, im glad you seem to be interested and concered for you LO and partner.

Congratulations on becoming a dad! All very exciting but can be all a bit daunting especially as it seems for your partner.

It is great that she took your advice on the ginger biscuits so am sure it appears she is not taking in what you are saying but she obviously is.

Hormones can be horrid buggers and it seems she might just be on hormone overdrive. I agree with owo buy a pregnancy book so that she can read in her own time.

Am sure she will come round she just probably needs to get her head round the idea seeing as it has all happened so quickly for you both.

Wish you lots of luck in your pregnancy

Congratulations!

I am glad that she has some wonderful support as you around her at this time. It is probably very difficult for you, and her right now.

A poster above said to buy her a book on pregnancy, and that's probably one good piece of advice.

Other than this, I truly don't know what to say other than to keep being supportive as you are. Hopefully she starts to feel better soon!

From what you have posted, I would really look into Tokophobia.

If she is suffering from this condition, then she can ask for a elective c-section on the grounds of mental health.

It could be just pregnancy hormones, but please don't ignore the symptoms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_of_childbirth

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1879

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/fashion/m...tokophobia.xml