Serious question time...

Most people wait until 12 weeks to tell people, because that's when their first scan is. I've had two scans and both were very good. So, I'm happy to start telling people over the next couple of weeks.

So, dilemma time.

I lived with my Mum for a couple of months when I was ill after an Op because she offered to help look after me. She was utterly horrific. She would constantly tell me that my marriage was going to fail and that I'd be divorced. She bad mouthed and belittled me and my in-laws at every chance. She did things that I can't even bring myself to type. She tried to ruin everything that I have.

It's not just the past couple of months, growing up my Mum was very emotionally abusive and was in no way a good parent.

I haven't spoken to my Mum since I moved out, two months ago. I don't want to speak to her, and I don't want her to have anything to do with my baby. She's always said I'll be a bad mother, and I know she would try to turn my child against me. (Everyone scoffs when I say this, but she would.)

Thing is, I have to tell her. I can't tell my entire family, bar her and I don't want to be seen as the bad person in all this, when she is.

My sister has been in contact a couple of times a week with me and apparently when I left, my Mum banned anyone from mentioning my name in her house, changed the locks and returned all my mail to sender. My Anniversary was on April 21st and she was the only person not to send us a card.

I've talked to my in-laws about this and they don't want me to tell her. My Father in law expressly said he doesn't want her around his grandchild and they don't want my mother involved in any way.

So, what to do? Tell her? If so, when? How? I'm just so confused.

I wouldnt tell her hun, she doesnt deserve to know. How dare she say you'll be a bad mum when she seems to be making of a perfect example of what that is!

She will find out from others, she hasnt done much to deserve your attention.
I think your in laws are right, and lucky you to have their support.

Oh what an awful situation..

Well for starters you sound like a very switched on lady and I'm sure you'll make a great Mum, ignor anyone who tells you different. Especially as you seem to have such a great example of what not to do

It is your baby, you do not have to tell anyone you do not want to. Personally I would opt for teling other people and let her find out, if she has chosen to block you out of her life then you shouldn't have to make all the moves, and then if she wants to behave like an adult the ball is in her court - the nice thing for her to do would be to ring you and congratulate you, but you might need to prepare yourself for a more bitter reaction. Besides which how were you supposed to contact her if she's blocked all contact with you.

So long as you, your OH and LO are happy and healthy then no-one elses opinion matters.

Really feel for you, it must be so far not to be able to share this new joy in your life with your Mother. If she chooses not to particpate then the real loss will be hers.

the choice is really yours hun but i think either way, she WILL find out (how could she not, right?) would you rather her hear it from YOU or through the grapevine?

I don't have the best relationship with my mum (if you can even call it a relationship) lol just like yours, mine told me never to have children, as i would be an awful parent as i am an awful daughter etc. She's only ever spoke to my DH once inthe 5 years we've been together. I moved out of her house 3 years ago and i've talked to her on the phone ONCE in these past 3 years. I am on ok terms with my dad so he keeps me and her up to date with each other.

This sunday is Mother's Day (i know UK Mother's Day was months ago, but we are on U.S. times here hehe) and so i am going to call home for a RARE occasion to wish her Happy Mother's Day and tell her there's a grandchild on the way. I figured it would be an ok time to say it, and as it is over the phone she can take the news however she would like. i am not going to make a big deal of it to her, really, just a simple greeting and "oh guess what, you will be a grandma this time next year!"

However you choose to tell her (or NOT tell her) no matter what her reaction is, the BEST thing is that YOU love your LO and are happy. Don't let her bring you down you never know though, she could take the news nicely...

I'm so sorry your mum is not more supportive. She sounds pretty mixed up to be honest and it is really unfair that you have had to bear the brunt of this. I think you should not worry about telling her. If she has banned people from mentioning you, then she doesn't entitle herself to be involved in your pregnancy! Let her find out and lets hope that when she does, she will come to her senses and be nice!

IF she later on throws it back at you that you didn't tell her - all you need say is 'you gave me no reason to feel you cared'.

As the others have said, concentrate on the love that you DO have with others, and your partner, and now your little bean. I can only imagine how much it must hurt to feel so rejected by your own mum - but your life is YOURS, and now you have a beautiful chance at being a mum yourself - so concentrate on what makes you feel good.

HUGS

I am sorry that you and Samo have bad relationships with your mothers. I can only imagine how hard it is when you are expecting and need a maternal support in your life As far as telling your mom, I would wait until you feel comfortable...But, you will start to show soon and she will catch on. So would it just be easier to tell her now and get it out of the way ~ and it may cause less conflict ~ or tell her down the road, and she might be even more angry. I also think too, that this change of life situation might be a good time to have a heart to heart with your mothers if that is at all possible! I would never want my child to see me not get along with my mom...it would break my heart and I don't want them to ever think that it is normal or acceptable. I dunno. I really hope that things go ok when you both do decide to tell them... Keep us updated on what you decide to do.

I'm telling my MIL soon, I'm scared. Every time she tells me to get an abortion. ^&^^%&%^&%^*&^(&*& <---insert bad words!

If I were you, I would straighten my back, throw my shoulders back throw my chin up in the air and tell her hard and straight - if her attitude doesn't cease this instant then she would have nothing to do with my child. Her maturity level is below that of a child in kindergarten, she does deserve to know so she has a chance to change, but only give her one chance because any bullshit she pulls she will pull again. But that's only what I would do.

I agree with mblack I would do exactly the same. Show I am the bigger better person. I am so sorry that you have such a bad realationship with your Mum. What ever you decide to do its your choice and no one will think any worse of you what ever the decision is. Best thing to do is try and not let it stress you out as, its not healthy for you or your baby. My thoughts are with you no matter what you decide. Me and DH are telling both our parents today after I've been to my Dr's and had it confirmed. I know I'm only 4.5wks but, I know I can't keep it a secret until I'm 12wks.

I agree with mblack too hun, just go in with all the confidence in the world and tell her, wouldnt you rather you had the upper hand in telling her than her randomly finding out and catching you for some kind of rant unexpected?

Whatever you decide im sure it will be what you feel is best