Bit of a vent here girls, so apologies in advance.

MIL is lovely, really nice and funny and very excited about the baby - and i KNOW she will be brilliant. But i have some very serious concerns that i need to get out.

Firstly, when we showed her our first scan pictures, first response was 'Fuck me what a big head. Gosh it has your nose.' - Obviously in a negative way. I let it go. But then we were at MIL's house the other week and she picked up a play toy animal and said 'look Ally has a nose like yours!'. Again, i left it.

HOWEVER, we had a scan on Monday, showed her again, and first response AGAIN was blimey looke at that nose and head, it is massive, hope it doesn't stay like that!!.

IMO this is totally unacceptable. They ALL have big heads at this stage. I haven't said anything (yet) but it is bugging me. Our child is perfect in my eyes, and we were told nugget is healthy and growing well so i'm quite pissed off to be honest.

Secondly, some worrying things. MIL smokes (in the house and out - not looking foward to my baby being held by a smoker anyway - don't want the baby to associate smoke with comfort) gets drunk a few nights a week, has a doberman at her house - and is expecting us to leave the baby at hers a few nights a few so we can get a break (i don't want a friggin break i want my baby with ME) . No way.

And today, we picked up her 'grandson' (she's a lesbian so her partners grandson) and we were driving to hers, and he was sitting in the front (4 years old) without a booster or anything, and WITHOUT a friggin seatbelt. She swears and i mean words like fuck and shit in front of him (he has started calling people dickheads recently ) my OH was like '___ put your seatbelt on' - he refused. Then we were behind a car and a silly young lad was trying to impress the girl sitting next to him and pulled off really fast and nearly slammed back into us - i was livid, not just for my unborn baby, but for the litle boy. She didn't once tell him to put his seatbelt on etc. I'm just petrified of that being our child one day, if my OH wasn't there he would have carried on without a seatbelt!!

Ugh sorry. I'm just scared of leaving my baby unattended with my MIL - she's lovely and means no harm, but seriously!!

whoa...

i dont like leaving my son with anybody other than his dad. i wouldnt dream of leaving him with someone like that!!!

No need to worry about it yet, hon. Youre only in 2nd tri, theres plenty of time left to worry about that. If she wants baby overnight (and YOU are happy with that, you dont have to feel bullied into handing your baby over) then you will have to say that you are not comfortable with her smoking and swearing around the baby and that if she isnt willing to compromise then you arent willing to let her have your child. And if she is stubborn, you will have to accept that she might go against your wishes anyway. Perhaps get your other half to talk to her about it?

Thanks for the reply hun. Yeah i've tried but they always defend their Mums grrr

defending her is one thing, but everybody knows how dangerous second hand smoke is, even he cant deny that. Does he know that for at least half an hour after a cigarette, a smoker still breathes out incredibly high levels of co2 and other toxins? So even if MIL goes outside for her cig and picks up baby afterwards, baby will still get a lungful of toxic crap.

Oh my goodness. Speechless completely. Without sounding rude your MIL doesn't sounds like a very responsible or pleasant person.

Well firstly you can avoid having your baby alone over there, just keep coming out with excuses. I think I would be really scared to leave my toddler with her when she doesn't make a 5yr old wear a seat belt. Shocked. its actually law for children up to a certain age/height to have car seats now. Up to the age of 10 or something.

Also smoking around babies is very dangerous. Even just smokers handling babies increases the chances of cot death.
What does your OH say? Although probs at this early stage he doesn't have many thoughts but when the baby is born he will do!

IMHO, she is being totally out of order with her comments and her smoking. My MIL used to like to put her two-penneth in, but since putting her in her place, I dont have a problem and we get on better for it.

So pleased your pregnancy is going well, all the best hun! xx

For the simple fact of the smoking indoors, I would not be leaving my baby with her. I was a 'casual' smoker, outside only and I quite the minute I found out. My partner is a regular smoker, again outside only and he went cold turkey a few days ago. So far, so good. I wouldn't have us putting in all that work to have my baby and expose it to smoke.

Sorry for my rant...but I feel badly for you.

Id say just put your foot down and thats that Im afraid, I have learnt too over things a lot less worrying!

Im sorry, but hell would have to freeze over before I left DS or a baby with someone like that, nice person or not nice person! My oh smokes and I make him change his clothes and wash his hands before going near DS, and when DS was a baby and slept in our room, Id make oh wait for an hour or more after smoking before he slept in our room - and nine times out of 10 he slept in the other room untill DS was about 14 months.

I think you need to be upfront with your oh and also just put your foot down, just say you are happy for the mil to visit you at her house, and he should have words about not smoking and then holding the baby within half an hour afterwards or something.

My mum and also mil thought they were going to have a bigger role in DS's life than they do now, they soon learnt it was my way or no way! DS was such a mummies boy, but even if he wasnt, as my first child I wouldnt want him staying away. Its only now I wouldnt mind maybe once every 3 weeks just for 1 night so DS got used to it too.


Good luck

Thank you so much girlies xx

Noone says you have to leave LO with MIL. My baby is 8 1/2 months and still has ot been left unattended with anyone but me and OH (and my mum for 5 mins)

Just because its the childs grandmother does not mean MIL should assume that LO will stay.