Hey,

First of all I'm a regular baby and bump poster but I'm too embarrased about this to post under my usual name. Sorry in advance for long post.

To cut a long story short. My hubby has always says he wanted kids around 30. I wanted to try sooner but we eventually compromised (given that it was me who actually has to carry baby, give birth etc) to start trying a few months ago. We will both be 29 (a few months off 30) when baby arrives.

Today he says I tricked him into having a baby, even though I've been off pill for over a year and we were using condoms until the agreed time that we would start trying. We tried for about 6 months before conceiving. He says he felt pressured into it by me. That he didn't want it and basically used all sorts of expletives to describe the baby.

To give you an insight into a situation we have been together since 2003, live in our own house in a nice area, both have good jobs, we've been married about a year and a half.

All our arguments centre around the fact that he doesn't feel I do enough around the house (I have a demanding job which means that a lot of my free-time at home is spent doing work for my job). This has got worse since I'm suffering from sickness and severe lack of energy. He says he wouldn't have married me if he'd known I would be like this (lazy).

I feel heartbroken because instead of enjoying what should be one of the happiest times in my life, I feel I'm with a husband who doesn't want the same things and wants me to miscarry our baby, all because he feels that he has to do too much around the house. He works very long hours too.

I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to. I know you girls on here have been supportive in the past so hopefully you can offer some words of advice?

Just my opinion - he needs stringing up! Really hope you are ok. If thats how he feels, he dosent deserve either of you. Atleast if things dont work out how you hoped they would, you will still have the baby youve always dreamed of and you can put all your love and energy into being the best mother you can be. Wishing you lots of love and luck whoever you are xxxx

Thank you for replying! I really appreciate it. I feel so down and unhappy - pregnancy hormones are probably making it 10 times worse though!

Hi hun, all i can suggest is try and sit him down and talk to him about how your feeling. He could be scared at the thought of being a father and it can sometimes take men a little while to get their head round the idea. I know its so much harder on you as your feeling rubbish but they don't understand and will never really know so all you can do is try to work out what his real problem is.
Im in the same boat though we weren't trying to prevent it and once i discovered i'm pregnant he screamed at me that he wants it to die and i'm a stupid B*** He's now getting used to the idea but i will have to go to all my scans etc on my own and he doesn't want to talk about it and i get no help. We've been together 11 years married for nearly 3, and this will b our 6th baby.

I understand how you feel and i hope you get things sorted

Oh darling, my heart goes out to you. . You poor thing. It sounds like you both need a break. you need to be happy and stress free at the moment. Can you stay with a relative or your friends for a few days? Just to get some space? I'd sit down with your DH and explain how hurt you are. Saying those things are unforgivable. Men get a bit scared when first hearing their OH's are pregnant, mine did. However it doesn't excuse this behaviour. You know the truth about being tricked or pressured into it. I'd ask him to give you some space for a few days. You really need to keep you and your nugget healthy. Please PM me if you feel desperate. I really feel for you xx

Let me start off by saying you shouldn't be embarrassed at all. At some point, men get nervous because in their minds, they are thinking about providing and being able to take care of this new stranger who will be entering your home. Sit him down and let him get all his feelings out to see if you can pin point where this is all coming from all of a sudden. Then calmly, in a non accusatory manner, explain to him how it makes you feel. I hope everything works out for you and thinks get better soon.

Thanks. I'm so worried that all the stress and crying and everything from our argument will cause me to lose the baby. I kept saying 'please don't argue with me as I don't want to get stressed' but he kept shouting, swearing and saying all these terrible things. My heart was racing, and I could hardly breathe through crying.

hun I agree with what the other ladies are saying, you need to talk to him about this but you should give things time to calm down, I know that men panic when they find out their oh is pregnant but his reaction seems too much and there is probably and underlying issue with him, in the meantime I would also suggest that you spend a few days away from home while things calm down, stress is no good for you or your baby, I really hope things work out

Hi hun. I completely feel for you, but I assure you that what he is going through is quite within the realms of normal. My husband picked up a few books for men about pregnancy and, of course, I snuck them out and read them all. It turns out that, apparently, most men feel like this at first - even though most won't actually dare to tell their wife. It's basically just panic at suddenly realising that he is going to be a father and that he will have to support both you and the baby through this. The whole of pregnancy and everything surrounding it is focused on the woman, and I think men are just left to panic on their own. Perhaps his worries have just boiled over and he's taking it out on you in the only way he knows how.

Please don't think that I'm justifying his behaviour, but I think it's important to realise he probably doesn't mean it, and once he adjusts to the idea, he will calm down, I'm sure. Maybe sit down and talk to him about how he is feeling, and even get him some of the books that are aimed specifically at guys (they'll tell him to man up a bit!).

I'm sure that if you keep on communicating through this, everything will come together for you. You definitely shouldn't feel embarrassed about this: my hubby and I have had some corking rows in the first 8 weeks, and he's called me lazy plenty of times. There's a lot of pressure at the beginning when everyone's getting used to impending parenthood.

Lots of luck sweety, I'm certain things will work out fine xxxx

Thank you all so much for taking the time to get back to me. I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. We definitely need to talk it through.