Oh hun you poor thing- what is it with men and blaming us of tricking them? This is happening to me to as my preg was unplanned. It is the most distressing hurtfl thing in the world. I say put yourself and the baby first and get away from him for a good while, more than a few days, until he offers you an appology. Write down how you feel, what you felt you'd agreed together and how you want to go forwards now x x Maybe ask him to see a coucellor together so that someone nuetral mediates your discussion and keps it fair x x

I just wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who went through something similar with her OH. Her OH reacted very similarly to yours. He told her she "tricked" him and then refused to go to the OB with her, refused to go to US scans, completely avoided the entire pregnancy. Even when she had serious complications due to preeclampsia near the end of the pregnancy, he still showed no compassion. After their baby girl was born, however, he fell completely in love with her!! Now, he spoils her rotten and dotes on her. He gets really upset if she even mentions the misery he put her through while pregnant.. Just wanted to give you a little hope. Everything will work out.

Just to put my perspective in

I agree that he is probably very scared, but i also think that he might feel threatened.

Your relationship sounds similar to mine, I am the main breadwinner although DH has a very good job too, he works quite long hours but I am the one stuck in the office or on the laptop evenings and weekends and he inevitably ends up putting the tea on, doing the dishes etc. We have a cleaner, which helps, they only come once a month and blitz the place but it means we don't have to clean the bathroom, kitchen etc so its just a bit of washing up and hoovering in between.

My hubby has been fine so far, but i do worry that he might feel a little bit left out or threatened. I've always been really independent, have a good social life, I earn more than him, he does more of the typical 'wifely' duties around the house than i do, i've been putting pressure on him to perform whilst TTC and now i'm too tired for BD a lot of the time - it has been a bit 'feast or famine' for him. So I do worry that he feels that maybe he is supporting me too much and the relationship isn't balanced - i just take take take - and that when the baby comes along he will be even less of a priority for me because baby will be number 1 priority. And considering that the process of actually having a baby is largely pysically down to me (with his invaluable support, obviously!), i worry that maybe he feels a bit redundant now.

I think you have to talk things through although that's easier said than done as he needs to be ready to talk rationally (and also listen).

I'm trying to involve DH in as much as possible, making him feel as equal a part of this pregnancy as possible. He's been helping me make up excuses for not drinking, deciding who we should tell when, and he's booked us a holiday for July so that we have some 'us' time - so not everything is revolving around the pregnancy.

Anyway that's just some thoughts which may or may not be relevant, I hope you get this sorted out very soon as you really need each other's support and love at this time, more than ever.

Good luck hon

x

I hope you can sort it out. You reall don't need the extra stress right now.

Really feel for you sweetie. I agree with some of the other girls that you should maybe try and get some space for a few days if you can, so you can both assess what you want.
It must be horrible to be so unsupported by your husband but you really need to put yourself and your baby first. Have you got a good support system with people other than him?
Do you think it's worth showing him this thread to show him how he's making you feel?

Really hope you can get it sorted and he starts taking some responsibility.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I completely agree with prayinforbaby!!! I also feel very lucky that I have my DH. to you poppet

Hiya, I know how those pregnancy hormones feel - everything gets right our of proportion. I generally think that people are scared when they speak like this. I work with people so I might be wrong but generally it is the case. When people get scared they lash out at those they love the most & find any excuse they can to stir things up. Yes he does need to rethink what he's saying but also a word of encouragement towards him might help. Have you been a bit moany lately? I'm def not blaming you - god no! I've been well moany but just think through how he might be feeling. If I've got this totally wrong then string him up! Just thought it worth a mention as I'm sure you want to salvage your relationship.