rae05

I am having the worst mixed feelings over my relationship lately. I love my OH, obviously or I wouldn't be with him or having a kid with him. I'm just so emotional and overwhelemed with being worried about everything. I'm just constantly wondering if he's going to be a good dad, if he's going to help, if he's going to do everything he needs to do, is he going to step up to the plate. We are fairly young, although I know there are a lot of people on here younger (I'm 20, he's 24 soon), and I feel like he's just a tad bit to selfish to be able to give up his money for baby things instead of things he wants. I don't think he's ready for such a lifestyle change yet.

As most of you know, this baby was not planned although it will be loved just the same. I'm certain that Adam will love the baby, but I just feel like I'm going to be the one stuck getting up at night because "he has to go to work" and "I get to stay home and do nothing all day" (nevermind I'm going to have to take care of the baby), and I'm the one that's going to have to go out and pay for diapers and formula all the time when we run out, even though he is it the one rolling in cash. I can just see it happening that way.

Is anyone else dealing with a soon to be dad who probably isn't as ready for this baby as you'd like? Am I just going crazy or is it the horomones making me think this way? haha.

Just a rant, but some advice would be appreciated.

Vickie

It may not have even sunk into your OH yet that you are having a baby. I know with my DH, although the baby was planned, he really didn't feel I was pregnant until my 13 week ultrasound. Even now sometimes I hear him say I can't believe we're having a baby. I've heard people say on here that women become mothers when they first find out they are pregnant, but men don't become fathers until the baby is born. I think that is so true. Hopefully once your LO arrives he will be the supportive dad you want him to be Until than try to talk to him about your fears and concerns.

pocahontas35

my situation was a bit different but I know where you are coming from. DH and I have been married almost 15 years, but I got pg after only being married 6 mo. Dh was not ready for kids, and he grew up getting anything he wanted from his daddy. I was the opposite. Not spoiled at all. He loved our little girl when she was born, but was scared and it was hard for him to not have the money for fun stuff b/c it all went to baby stuff. We have struggled financially our whole married lives, but we are used to it now. There are still times when his selfish old self comes out but he has pretty much grown up. It did take a while, and I did all of the night feedings, child care, housework, yard work, etc. I had to be very patient b/c I knew it was just a matter of him learning to give more instead of take. He was raised different and it took a long time to change his mindset. But, with patience and love, he has come around. I hope the same can be said for your OH. I would suggest that you start outlining some plans for you future on paper. Make some goals. How much money will you need to spend on diapers, clothing, formula if you go that way, baby food? Can you start saving a small amount every month right now? Will you start a savings account for little one? Talk about it now so he can start getting his mind wrapped around the idea, and maybe it won't take years as it has with my DH. That is just my simple advice.
Bren

dannyboygirl

Hey girl I've been sweatin my husband like crazy...Girl I've been driving my hubz up a wall about everything dumb lil thing for real...And this is planned..Girl I think men are just nervous and there for us to cuss out when we are mad..lol..but for real God has a plan for u two and he will be a good father and you will be a lovely mother...girl back in the day they had kids at like 15 so i think your ok....I think it isn't real for men til they actually see the baby bump or the baby is here for real...Thats reality for them..men are visual creatures....Girl welcome to the club im a stay at home wife I love it and I will have company now when he's at work..Don't judge too quickly he may do a 180 on you and be the father you dreamed of...You have to stay strong girl and everything else will fall into place.. and you got us girl to talk to

sarah_george

Hi again Rae, sounds like your hormones are raging to me! it takes longer for the reality of a baby to hit home with men than it does us woman because there not the ones carrying them! they also could never understand the emotional rollercoaster being pregnant entails, hey thats what we are here for! as you start to get bigger and been through the scans you will probably find that he feels much more involved, when the baby eventually comes along i dont doubt that he will love it to bits and thats when the paternal instincts will kick in and he will naturally want to take good care of you and the lil bub, most important for bonding is not taking over and letting him do stuff (even if hes doing it badly lol) from day one, have you tried having it out with him? he may have no idea you are feeling that way and things can become out of perpective if they are not aired, i'm sure you will be fine hunni try not to worry too much about the future and take each day as it comes being happy and healthy today is the most important thing right now x

DonnyDoo

I think this is all normal hunni..

Ive been quite down because even though I love my OH to bits, and met him knowing he was in army, Im getting a bit fecked off.
He wasnt here when I got my bfp, he will be away when I get my 12 week scan,and likely when I get my 20th..He is having to fight to be home for the birth in december..but he will be here in between all these big stages.
Im starting to feel very alone. Im irritable when he rings me, coz he gets to swan about, Im paranoid and stressed, he thinks Im being silly...

He is home in 2 weeks and Im dreading it and looking forward to it,coz Im scared how he is gonna be....

Hes younger than me (Im 27 he is 24), and I keep thinking that maybe he feels too young to have a kid,and that he is more focused on his career..

We all have our doubts about our relationships and men at these times hun, just talk it through with him, and remember you have us too!!

shockd&amazed

I totally agree with this statement above. My bloke is excited etc but he doesn't really 'see' or 'feel' the pregnancy the way I do. How can he I suppose... I think the reason we are so worried and planning etc is because it affects our bodies so hugely too. I sometimes get angry with my OH but later (much later!) when I have calmed down I see things differently.

I am sure once baby is born your OH will be a great dad. I just hope mine will be too.....

And remember how much hormones has to play in our feelings...I am not saying they're not valid things to discuss and talk about - money, after all is v important! - I just mean sometimes I know I see things as doom and gloom and next day it's not so bad and I remind myself my hormones are all over the place!

Good luck!XXX

Ema

Im 20 (21 in may) my OH 23 so about the same diff as you and this is a constant worry lol. He is such a big kid. Until we went to first scan he couldnt understand how i couldnt go the pub anymore etc. After the 12 week scan and he saw the baby inside me he completely changed. He has gone out and started buying things etc wont let anyone say anything to me that might upset me etc. more like raping me in cotton wool. but its nice ot know he cares. And he couldnt be more excited i think seeing is believing and that there really is a baby inside not just fat :-)

I hope your OH wakes up one day like mine and his whole outlook changes im sure it will. All the best em xxxxx