Think its great to be supportive, but need to be careful not to give incorrect info or hope. As someone who has had recurrent miscs I too find some statements inaccurate/misinformed however well meant

I guess its about balance. Sometimes someone (like me in the past) has just needed someone to say "my baby survived this" or "I had that too and it was fine" so that I feel I can carry on with my day and not just sit about fretting.

However, no matter what advice I recieve I am still aware that the only person who can truly put me at ease is my doctor.

I would never expect someone on a forum to tell me that I should worry. Otherwise I wouldnt be on here. I would however expect someone to say "try not to panic".

I agree about the whole "not what you say but way you say it" I always try and think about what I would say to the person if they were standing in front of me. Forums can be quite bad sometimes because people forget that there may be a vulnerable person sat at the other end of a computer and can be quite blunt! I for one would never knowingly upset anybody so I hope my posts come across genuine, caring and sincere! Xxxxx

I think we probably need to be mindful about where these ladies - the ones you are saying ae rude - have come from and where they are at. Someone said it sounds like they are jealous - they probably are a bit if they lost their baby at 17 weeks. I always try to think that if someone is a bit rude/cold to me in any situation that you don't know what sort of day/week they are having and retaliating may make it worse for them.

And the simple fact of the matter is that if you put it out there you have to accept whatever people are going to write back - unfortunately there isn't a "only positive and happy replies" forum out there.

I also agree with the statement its not what you say but how you say it! That is the best point. Unless you can hear the tone these women are using you don't know in which way its intended. If you say it aloud you can say "don't have false hope in those statistics. I had a hb at 12 weeks and lost mine at 17 weeks!" and it can sound bitchy or sad and realisitic.

Aren't we being just as harsh by judging those girls in return. x

9 months is an extremely long time to not know what's going on with your baby and you get very few opportunities to be assured that everything is OK. A scan, listening to the hb, feeling baby kick, these are all milestones that help prevent us going insane on an otherwise long and arduous journey.

I think all women should be allowed their moment of peace and reassurance and that a degree of temporary ignorance is appropriate. Believe me, regardless of getting positive news, we all go back to worrying about something else five minutes later anyway.

Besides, we are all aware, no matter what happy news we receive at various points, that there is always a risk that something will go wrong. No woman reaches a point in her pregnancy where she knows she and baby are 100% guaranteed to be safe. So having someone come along and remind you of the harsh realities you already know about at one of those few restful moments can be quite insensitive.

If anything bad happens to my munchkin (and I desperately hope it does not) I would never go into the pregnancy threads and remind people of it. I would use the wonderful loss support forums here and take comfort through others in the same situation. If someone asks for mc stats, then stats is what I would give them.

Perhaps that is why on the other forum those ladies were telling their sad tales - maybe they don't have a dedicated section to support them.

Anyway, I hope my post does not offend. I have total sympathy for those who have lost their precious beans, especially at a time when the risk was considered low. I just wanted to post from the perspective of someone who is heading towards the end of the first trimester and looking forward to the higher odds of a successful pregnancy that lay beyond.

I think it is important to be realistic. I had a threatened miscarriage at 6weeks+5, and while it was shocking & hurtful to find out I only had a 50% chance of continuing the pregnancy, it was something I needed to know. I was fortunate in that I was in the successful 50%, but it gave me the realization to prepare for something that may happen.

Support isn't always being a cheerleader, sometimes, it is realistic facts.

I dont really think there is a right or a wrong to these posts. Some people need to hear cold hard facts to help them through, others need to hear positive uplifiting outcomes to help them.

I have used this forum for well over two years now and despite thinking on the whole it is a positive and helpful place to be, there are always posts that make me think that they were a bit harsh or cruel but, those same posts could have put something into context or offered clarification for someone else.

Its all about tact though...something that is sometimes missing.

Well said Bexx...