I would post my views about this topic, but beatnick beat me to it ! xx

I understand what you are all saying and having had a mmc myself I can also see where fluffyblue is coming from. I have read many a time that because you are not bleeding everything must be ok. My heart sinks as I read this as this is what I thought too- I had never heard of a mmc and was so shocked when it happened. There have been times when I have typed a reply to raise awareness of a mmc and then deleted it and other times I have said it in the nicest way possible.

I can't comment on the original posters comments as such as I didn't see the thread in question. It is impossible to tell sometimes if bleeding is normall or lack of symptoms I guess we just have to go with our instincts if we feel something is not right

We talk openly about sensitivity, just for example there is a poor lady who has posted in MC section about being terrified about being pregnant again after a loss. Now people could have jumped at her for talking about being pregnant but all she has received is support nothing more nothing less. What do we say to this lady??

This is a tricky subject because on a forum everyone has a right to say there bit but i definatly agree you have to be a bit more sensitive to what the orginal post is saying and think of that persons feelings. As someone who has suffered losses with ectopic and mmc i know i personally feel like i am trying to help by sharing my own experiences even if they do sound negative because people come on looking for information that maybe i could help with even if it isnt great news. For example i read endless threads of women having early scans just say for example 8 weeks and they are saying they seen nothing on the ultrasound. my first reaction would be "thats not right i was told by a constultant they should at least see a gestational sac even if empty by the 5 week mark" however i know that seeing it written like that sounds totally negative. So i sit and pick out the right words share my experience and try to comfort the person at the same time. Sometimes i see threads where women are clearly experiencing a missed miscarriage and theres tons of replys saying "it might still be ok dont give up" I am all for giving re assurance and not giving up hope but sometimes its good for people to be realistic too espeically when faced with the hard facts. If they come on and say they had a scan at 10 weeks and saw nothing and docs say its not good well then is it really fair to give that specific women lots of false hope online for her to go back to her doc a week later to be given the bad news we all kinda knew would be given? I dont. Anyway back to the original post here i do think if a women comes on to share her news that she got a healthy hb on her scan i dont think its right to go saying things like "oh that doesnt mean everythings ok" if shes there to share good news id hope people would be happy for her and congtratulate her! IF however she came on and said she seen a HB and whats the chances of mc now or has anyone mc after seeing hb then it is a question and if some people wanna say "i seen a hb but still went on to lose the baby" then so be it im afraid. That women did ask!

thats just my opinion though i mean im all for re assuring women where i can but not for building up someones hope if its clearly not good. I dont know if that makes any sense just wanted to add everything i said above was examples and not picking up on any one thread i read im just talking from my experience of different forums.

I dont like when people have actual attitude on there posts or come across bitter BUT sometimes when words are written down its not how the personal actually means it either things can come across wrong thats why i always put smilies and kisses on my posts so people know im being as friendly as i can

Sorry for my rambling on so long on forums theres always going to be this kinda thing

xxxx

Alibaba ! Thats what I meant lol

Alibaba well explained, like fluffyblue - thats what I meant too - im just a bit crap at explaining myself !!

yay go me i was a bit worried posting that i was like hmmmmm how do i make this actually make sense! I know what i mean in my head but sometimes it doesnt always come out that way! preggo brain

i agree with you. I lost my 1st and then saw a heartbeat for my 2nd and asked a similar question on a different site and got similar problems. It made me feel worse as i always thought that once a hb had been seen the chances drop. I think we all no that we are never safe from aloss and we have all read anough horror storys to realise that bad things do happen. But sometimes we just need someone to cuddle us and say actually that a fantasic sign that things are going great.

I agree with alibaba too...

there is no point giving people false hope by telling them what you think they want to hear but you should always try to be sensitive to the other persons feelings xx

I think both sides have merit. Its not what you say but how you say it. I have come across other forums where responses to questions can be downright cruel. I think that everyone does realize on some level that there is no guarantee, you can hear a HB and things can still go wrong but often the odds are on your side for things to go smoothly. I think we need to walk the fine line of being supportive and honest. But saying that we must all realize that every situation is unique with a different set of variables. Just because something happened to one person does not mean it will inevitably happen to the next. The reality is that there are no sure answers and the worry we feel is only the beginning in our journey of parenthood (or a continuation for those already blessed with children). I suppose we should hope for the best but be prepared for the worst and be supportive of our sisters because we never know when we may need their help!