well as you guys no ive just found out im preg. well im worried and i dont no how to tell my friend who is my neighbour (lives next door) that im pregnant. she has been ttc for a few months now and last month she had another mc i think she had had 3 mc. her last pregnancy ended at around 21 weeks when she found out that the baby had spinabifida and down syndrome and was adviced to terminate as the baby would pass away anyway and so she had to give birth to him. after her last mc she has decided she can no longer keep doing it so has decided to stop ttc as she has 2 daughters already. now i no she is going to be upset that im preg because she was devastated to find out her twin brothers wife was pregnant again so how do i tell her? xxx

I think maybe telling her in private would help - not as part of a gathering or general celebration announcement. And let her know that you understand if she feels upset, and doesn't want to see you for a while if it is too painful for her.

I think you're already being really sensitive by even thinking about it and asking here, so I'm sure your friend will realise you want to make this as easy as possible for her. Unfortunatley, it sounds like she is going to be upset. That's sad, but it isn't your fault. ALl you can do is let her have the time hse needs.

I agree with previous poster. Tell her in a sensitive way and make sure she doesn't find out through someone else. Explain that you understand that there will be times where she might find it hard to be around you and that you will do your best to navigate your friendship through this.

Hun I think she will be upset but mainly because she can't have more babies not because you can! I used to get upset as it took me very long to conceive both my children but after the initial shock I could still get happy and excited for my friends. You are being a very considerate friend and I agree with Fly tell her in private, I would probably do it asap to get it out of the way, before you will show or something. I'm sure she will be still be your friend, but I guess the sooner she can get used to the idea the better. Her miscarriage is still quite recent and it will take time for her to heal... you never know she might still go on to have another healthy baby in the future!

By the way I missed your news, huge congrats to you. I hope this is still a happy time for you. xxx

thanks guys for your advice i havent told the kids yet in fear that they will run straight out when they see her which they will and tell her. what do i say to her??

This is a really difficult situation.

Perhaps make her a gift and visit her with the gift, then tell her.

I recommend telling her in person and in private over coffee. Make sure you let her know that you are telling her because you don't want her to find out from someone else and be surprised. It'll give her time to process that she isn't judged. If you guys are good friends I'd tell her sooner than later. If you can talk about how she's been doing too so she will know that you are still there for her if/ when she needs you. I think someone mentioned letting her know that you understand if she needs time and space.

After I mc'd and still had pregnant friends that were due right around the same time as me I told them that I would be around when I could. We talked about lots of things not baby related and if I wanted to know something I asked. I also told them right off the bat that if the conversation went a direction I couldn't handle I would tell them and that we would take a break. It has let me be as involved or not involved as I wanted to be...

I'm sorry if this is in a weird order and if you need clarification/ details please ask. Your place is a tough situation to be in. In fact I was there the other day....I wasn't going to say anything about my pregnancy to our toddler goup until I'd had a chance to talk to a certain friend because they'd been having issues and I didn't want them to feel bad. Turns out... they are a few weeks futher than me!!!!

Anyways, tell her first (before someone else), be direct but gentle, let her vent and don't take it to heart, be there for her and she will ask about what she wants to know

hunny

That you know how much she wanted a baby and you understand if she finds it hard to accept

I agree with Fly, I think telling her in a private situation and being understanding will go a long way. It shows you are sensitive to her feelings. But you also have to remember that you have done nothing wrong. So try to relax you are being a very good friend. When i was pregnant with my first baby i was in a kinda similar situation, My mams best friend was in her 30's and had been trying without success for nearly 10 years to concieve. I felt terrible as I was only 19 so i avoided her. Turns out she couldn't of been nicer about it and thought it was sweet that i was considering her feelings, a couple of months later she finally fell pregnant. Hopefully your situation will have a happy ending to it. Hope this helps hun. Hugs

I definately agree to tell her yourself rather than finding out from someone else. It will be hard for her but she will be greatful you told her yourself

congrats on your pregnancy xxx