Younglutonmum

Hiya

Well my babys daddy has left me n im definitely going through the angry phase with him.

At the moment im staying with friends in London, travelling down 2 my home town Luton bout once a week 4 various things. On these trips I meet up with my babys dad 2 discuss things. Now on these occasions we get on well. Have a laugh n look forward 2 the baby. Yet when I leave he is cold n tells me not 2 call him until he says so. He still wont say whether he will b at the birth either. When I do call him, he's very rude n cocky 2 me. Often making me cry 4 hours on end.

It seems 2 me, he's happy 4 me 2 deal with all the hard parts n put in all the work so he can just be a part time dad n show off his lovely baby once a week 2 his adoring friends and family n take all the praise. (once it's here that is)

He is very keen that the baby should be in his surname. Do I give him this privilage or do I say no? Im doing all the hard work so the baby will be in my surname. Sometimes I feel he has no right 2b on the birth certificate.

Any advive please?

__X

leeanne

Quite truthfully, I would not give the baby the father's surname in your situation. You are not together and not married and he's certainly not acting nice at times. No way, I would give the baby your surname.

But, as far as the birth certificate, do you really want to put "unknown" as the father? Imagine what that child will think later on.

Best wishes and I truly hope that the baby's dad will smarten up and treat you with more respect!

Belle

i went through all this when i had my son!! he eventually decided he wanted to be part of his life when i was 8months but i'd already decided that the baby was having my name and he was not gonna be at the birth. Were together now with baby number 2 on the way but i'm still glad i stuck to my guns and now he knows he can't get away with treating me like he did back then!! he's put all the faults with the 1st 1 and made them right with this 1!
Stay strong but don't let him walk all over you!! Do what you feel is best but do it for you and know1 else!
Hope everything works out 4u! really saddens me to think that ur going through it. xx

Ann-Marie

At the end of the day, unless he is 100% commited to you and this baby, he doesn't have a say. You're carrying bubs, you'll be giving birth, (by the sounds of it on you own), and you'll be doing the hardest bit of looking after your child and bringing it up safe and healthy. It wouldn't be fair on you or the baby to have this guy just popping in when he feels like being a Daddy every now and then. If he wants to see the baby, that's fine, but make it a routine. Mainly so that bubs has the stability.

On the other hand....... It could be tht he's scared of the prospect of growing up and being responsble for another human being, and pushing you away is the only way he can see of dealing with it. Make you walk away, and he doesn't have to.

I dunno..... sorry if I've gone on a bit. I was in care all of my childhood, occasionally takwn back by both parents (seperatley), and generally pushed and pulled in all directions in some sort of battle between family members.

Ho-Hum....

It's up to you what surname your baby has. Personally, if I knew Dad wasn't commited, bubs would be having my Surname.

Younglutonmum

It's just so so hard. I think he's scared. He's a buba himself. Only 18 (im 20 may I add)

Since we split he's constantly been out n i've kinda viewed him as a child 2b quite honest.

I hate the thought of unknown being in the father section but then I hate the thought of him taken credit for all my hard work n dedication towards our baby.

I just don't know.

I really want him 2b involved as much as poss. I keep him up 2 dat with all appointments etc n im looking for a place near to him so he can see the baby as often as poss. I dnt want us 2 have a weekend only arrangement. When I told him I would love him to see the baby during the week as often as poss he said well im busy wiv my football (he plays pissin 5 a side!! not premier league) so i'll c if i can squeeze the little one in!!

Arghhh n then he bangs on how he cant wait 4 the baby to take his surname!!

__X

winnie26

If you're not married then just, as calmly as you can, explain that you want your baby to have the same surname as you.
In the meantime I might be tempted to stop meeting him when you go down to were he is? If at all possible? He then has the choice to travel to see you and be involved in the pregnancy, if he doesnt make the effort now then do you see things changing when bubs arrives?
He is stressing you and in turn the baby when you meet him so try to stop putting yourself into that situation, he will either grow up or grow out of the idea of being a dad, its his choice but remember to look after yourself first.

Younglutonmum

I know I shouldnt see him. But im not gonna lie, I miss him so much. i count down the days till I see him again

Ann-Marie

Put his name on the birth certificate, as your child will always want to know who their Dad is, but this doesn't give him the right to demand that the child have his surname. Plus, he should help you out with bringing up baby financially, if not actually being there, so you need him to be named as father.
You need to concentrate on you and bubs, be strong and as said above, just avoid him for now or else you could end up stressing too much and causing yourself and bubs harm.

leeanne

A birth certificate won't give him credit for you doing all the work. A piece of paper doesn't do that.

You and your child will know as time goes on, who is really responsible for the child's upbringing

I just personally think that "unknown" looks cold. That will follow the child for life, and that's who I would think of when deciding.

The surname though, no way in hell!

winnie26 brought up a good point. Stop your visits with him and see if he comes around to you!

winnie26

Its really hard I know!
You have to think of yourself and the baby, the most important thing now is to stay stress free and take care of yourself,
You've said you see him in a different light now that your pregnant, I would take this a a wee sign that now you are changing so much, he should perhaps learn to do the same. Perhaps tell him if he really wants to name something suggest a puppy??
Do you have family and friends near you who you can lean on in the meantime?