Over sensitive - I know!!

Orange lady · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:18 AM

I know I'm being daft and I'm not that upset just a bit irritated. I'm 33, been married for 6 years (2nd marriage). We are pregnant with our first baby. Had our dating scan on Friday and all looks well so decided to spread the news. My friend just asked me if "it" was an accident?
Is it me or has anyone else been asked this and taken a bit of offence? I don't have "accidents".
I know i'm being stupid but can't help but feel a bit annoyed.

BumpyButtons · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:22 AM

congrats and welcome to the world of insensitive dohnuts(would like to use stronger word but might shock some ladies so wont

) over the next 9 months you wil find people will come out with all sorts of insensitive rubbish coz they just dont think to be honest. however all the girls here are wonderful and as we are all in the same boat so to speak, we know how your feeling and experiencing exactly the same. you are not alone

nervouspains · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:24 AM

I know, some people are just so rude!!

Did people know you were trying?

They didnt know we were last time, so when ever I told anyone- I always had to say "Yes, it was planned" but mind your own blimmin business!!

xxx

QTPie · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:28 AM

A bit bizzare.... Are you maybe the clubbing/party type? Maybe she didn't see you as having kids yet?

I wouldn't read much into it, to be completely honest. When I had my MC (in March), my mother asked me if the pregnancy was "planned" (so basically the same as your friend asked, just using different words). I am 35, husband is 36 and we have been very happily married 12 years!

So equally as daft a question as your friend's

Maybe it is one of those questions that people just ask because they can't think of anything else to ask?

Anyway, don't worry about it too much

QT

Orange lady · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:32 AM

Oh no, nobody knew we were trying. All of our friends have kids, we're the last ones to get pregnant. We always said we weren't really planning on kids. But hey we changed our minds. I know I'm being a div, I just know that I am sensible enough to only get pregnant when we want to!
Bah. Rant over.

anothersquish · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:35 AM

People put their feet in it!! Sure friend didnt mean it in a negative way but instead of saying "oh wow I didnt know you were trying!" it came out as "was it an accident" bet friend cringes everytime they say that back to themselves!!!
Most people I have told have said to me "well how did that happen, I thought you couldnt have any more"...how did that happen indeed....the baby fairy paid me a visit....what do you think??!! But its always said in that slightly negative way rather than a positive one!

SummerStars · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:39 AM

I would be a bit annoyed too.

We havn't told anyone this time around yet, but with my last pregnancy it was actually a few people that said this to me!

It wasn't an accident, we had been trying but just hadn't broadcasted the fact. My sister was trying for two years before she got pregnant, and with this in mind we didn't want people asking all the time and adding pressure.

So because people had not been told we were trying their reaction was that it must have been an accident.

I would never ask someone if their baby was an 'accident'. It's really offensive.

People do get pregnant without planning to, and once they have got over the shock most are over the moon. To have someone ask if 'it was an accident' makes it sound like the baby isn't wanted... well it does to me anyway.

When we tell people this time around I will be starting off with "We have been trying to get pregnant for a while now..." so as to avoid anymore comments like that.

littledancer · Jun 29th, 2009, 08:34 AM

Oy...yah, I got a similar reaction from my mum...very annoying.

Quite frankly, I don't understand why people ask this question- what difference does it make anyways, and why would they want to know??? Either you were or you weren't, either way you're ecstatic-why do people want to know if it was after trying for 7 months, or a fortunate 'oops'..

MissRhead · Jun 29th, 2009, 08:37 AM

Oh no how inconsidarate of them! We havnt told everybody yet, but when we do i am totaly expecting that, being only 18. Im going to have to think of something clever to reply lol x

becky77 · Jun 29th, 2009, 08:39 AM

Hi mate , sounds a little insensitive , people can be funny like that . next time just say ah yes its def planned i dont have accidents. And anyway if you were 14 and it was an accident you would only have had to do it once not try for months lol.
ignore people hun im sure she did not mean it , its just a bad case of foot and mouth
xxx

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:18 AM	#1
Orange lady Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 634	Over sensitive - I know!! I know I'm being daft and I'm not that upset just a bit irritated. I'm 33, been married for 6 years (2nd marriage). We are pregnant with our first baby. Had our dating scan on Friday and all looks well so decided to spread the news. My friend just asked me if "it" was an accident? Is it me or has anyone else been asked this and taken a bit of offence? I don't have "accidents". I know i'm being stupid but can't help but feel a bit annoyed.

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Jun 29th, 2009, 07:22 AM	#2
BumpyButtons Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: uk Posts: 1,006	congrats and welcome to the world of insensitive dohnuts(would like to use stronger word but might shock some ladies so wont) over the next 9 months you wil find people will come out with all sorts of insensitive rubbish coz they just dont think to be honest. however all the girls here are wonderful and as we are all in the same boat so to speak, we know how your feeling and experiencing exactly the same. you are not alone

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:24 AM	#3
nervouspains Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: England Posts: 5,568	I know, some people are just so rude!! Did people know you were trying? They didnt know we were last time, so when ever I told anyone- I always had to say "Yes, it was planned" but mind your own blimmin business!! xxx

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:28 AM	#4
QTPie Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 4,465	A bit bizzare.... Are you maybe the clubbing/party type? Maybe she didn't see you as having kids yet? I wouldn't read much into it, to be completely honest. When I had my MC (in March), my mother asked me if the pregnancy was "planned" (so basically the same as your friend asked, just using different words). I am 35, husband is 36 and we have been very happily married 12 years! So equally as daft a question as your friend's Maybe it is one of those questions that people just ask because they can't think of anything else to ask? Anyway, don't worry about it too much QT

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:32 AM	#5
Orange lady Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 634	Oh no, nobody knew we were trying. All of our friends have kids, we're the last ones to get pregnant. We always said we weren't really planning on kids. But hey we changed our minds. I know I'm being a div, I just know that I am sensible enough to only get pregnant when we want to! Bah. Rant over.

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:35 AM	#6
anothersquish Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,415	People put their feet in it!! Sure friend didnt mean it in a negative way but instead of saying "oh wow I didnt know you were trying!" it came out as "was it an accident" bet friend cringes everytime they say that back to themselves!!! Most people I have told have said to me "well how did that happen, I thought you couldnt have any more"...how did that happen indeed....the baby fairy paid me a visit....what do you think??!! But its always said in that slightly negative way rather than a positive one!

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 07:39 AM	#7
SummerStars Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Northern Ireland Posts: 526	I would be a bit annoyed too. We havn't told anyone this time around yet, but with my last pregnancy it was actually a few people that said this to me! It wasn't an accident, we had been trying but just hadn't broadcasted the fact. My sister was trying for two years before she got pregnant, and with this in mind we didn't want people asking all the time and adding pressure. So because people had not been told we were trying their reaction was that it must have been an accident. I would never ask someone if their baby was an 'accident'. It's really offensive. People do get pregnant without planning to, and once they have got over the shock most are over the moon. To have someone ask if 'it was an accident' makes it sound like the baby isn't wanted... well it does to me anyway. When we tell people this time around I will be starting off with "We have been trying to get pregnant for a while now..." so as to avoid anymore comments like that.

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 08:34 AM	#8
littledancer Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 1,691	Oy...yah, I got a similar reaction from my mum...very annoying. Quite frankly, I don't understand why people ask this question- what difference does it make anyways, and why would they want to know??? Either you were or you weren't, either way you're ecstatic-why do people want to know if it was after trying for 7 months, or a fortunate 'oops'..

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 08:37 AM	#9
MissRhead Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Crewe Posts: 1,959	Oh no how inconsidarate of them! We havnt told everybody yet, but when we do i am totaly expecting that, being only 18. Im going to have to think of something clever to reply lol x

Status: Offline

Jun 29th, 2009, 08:39 AM	#10
becky77 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: hereford Posts: 1,529	Hi mate , sounds a little insensitive , people can be funny like that . next time just say ah yes its def planned i dont have accidents. And anyway if you were 14 and it was an accident you would only have had to do it once not try for months lol. ignore people hun im sure she did not mean it , its just a bad case of foot and mouth xxx

Status: Offline

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