How to Spot a First Trimester Pregnant Woman

1. She’s the one who makes awkward statements to coworkers and strangers like, “My embryo grows ears this week.”

2. She’s the one who believes burping loudly is unavoidable and, therefore, should be socially acceptable.

3. She’s the one who cries at the forwarded emails you send her.

4. She’s the one who sends the memo around her office proposing a management-supported nap time after lunch.

5. She’s the one who refers to her husband as “that ******* who did this to me.”

6. She’s the one who will threaten bodily harm if you block her way to the bathroom.

7. She’s the one who can’t keep anything down but saltines and Snickers.

8. She’s the one who doesn’t sleep at night and walks around disoriented, muttering strange things, then laughing hysterically before breaking into sobs.

9. She’s the one who insists that if you eat the garnish on the plate, a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich satisfies all major food groups.

10. She’s the one who is plastered against the wall of the sushi restaurant, drooling.

11. She’s the one who sips her club soda and lime and tries to look like she’s having as much fun as her dinner partners who are on their 3rd bottle of wine.

12. She’s the one who in the middle of a sentence will suddenly turn green, burp, and then run to the bathroom.

13. She’s the one who cries when she puts on pants in the morning.

14. She’s the one who when you socially ask how she is doing will give you a run down of her physical discomforts, including but not limited to nausea, exhaustion, constipation, insomnia, and the recent pain in her ass formerly known as her husband.

15. She’s the one who looks like a homeless person at work because she can’t seem to drag herself out of bed in time to do things like put on matching earrings or bathe.

16. She’s the one who believes that 1,000 Island salad dressing is an appropriate condiment for any food. Really. Any food.

17. She’s the one who will punch you in the nose if you tell her what she is feeling is natural.

18. She’s the one who takes naps in the bathroom stall at work.

19. She’s the one who would sell her soul for a bowl of macaroni and cheese.

20. She’s the one whose husband looks like he has hasn’t slept for a year and says things like, “Stretchy pants are sexy.”

Very amusing

This is me... Actually I tend to still e at in sushi restaurants, but stick to the "pregnancy safe" stuff like Vegetable Tempura etc... BUT I am the one drooling as the salmon sashimi goes past...

QT

LMAO!!! Oh this has cheered me up to no end!!! and QT I'm a sushi-addict too! My pee is smelling right funky with all the asparagus tempura I've been eating! Can't wait to have a big seafood banquet once I give birth!!!

That is soooo me!

And also:

21. She's the one always touching her non-existant bump (so often that she causes her belly button piercing to fall...)

wow, i came sooo close to sleeping in the toilet cubical today, I am knackered.

That is funny and so true

And these are the ones that I'm known for atm. Though some of the others did/do apply as well. I love Sushi but right now...the smell of it turns me waaay off so it's off limits!

4. She’s the one who sends the memo around her office proposing a management-supported nap time after lunch. (I actually did this!!!)



9. She’s the one who insists that if you eat the garnish on the plate, a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich satisfies all major food groups.



12. She’s the one who in the middle of a sentence will suddenly turn green, burp, and then run to the bathroom.



15. She’s the one who looks like a homeless person at work because she can’t seem to drag herself out of bed in time to do things like put on matching earrings or bathe.



18. She’s the one who takes naps in the bathroom stall at work. ( I did this 2 times before I knew I was preggo!)



19. She’s the one who would sell her soul for a bowl of macaroni and cheese.

hahahahhaha!! Fantastic! I did this one just this morning to my OH, made him come running from the other room just to tell him.

1. She’s the one who makes awkward statements to coworkers and strangers like, “My embryo grows ears this week.”

This made me laugh!!

Hhhmmm, think that I should order a whole salmon, raw...

Asparagus does that to you... supposed to be good for you, but boy does your wee stink afterwards...

QT

very true! well most of it. most of the food ones make me sick though!!!!

I was going around telling the whole family: The foetus has ears now! The foetus has ears!