Al4321

well it was mainly just me, and i maybe over reacting but I am so upset and annoyed Oh works away monday to friday. Generally he is a wonderful man im not just saying this 'cause im with him but he really he. Anyway his mobile bill was £11 over, so i flipped and started accusing him of porn on his mobile while away, anyway he reassured me he hadnt, saying no to my face and that he wouldnt do that to me etc. Well then I found it for myself, HE HAD BEEN LOOKING AT PORN, worst of all while I was in hospital this week ill. IT makes me feel sick, he lied to my face, and why does he want to look at other women I dont mean to sound modest, but Im an attractive woman. I feel so betrayed and hurt,

SO i flipped told him it was over etc, so now ever since he been sitting on the opposite soffa really miserable, he's genuinely sorry and upset. And I know this.

But how am I supposed to trust him now when he lied about something minimal like that so stressed, emotions everywhere

What does other people think? do your partners do this?

sb22

This Sounds EXACTLY like an issue me and OH have been dealing with every now and again.

I wish i could say his phone bill was only £11 over though. i wouldnt have been bothered. lets just say it was much more than say....£200.00 ( I cant begin to tell you how much it was!)

I must have been approx 8 weeks when it occured, and i was astonished how a man could be so ridiculously stupid when we were expecting a child. A child, which has been planned for a year and we have suffered two miscarriages.

I'm not sure why men lie about it, clearly they feel ashamed in some way.

Its something that has affected our relationship a bit. I mean, we watch it together now and again and i dont mind. i think paying for it is extreme though. Also OH is locked from my computer and the WiFi connection, and I have barred the internet on his mobile? Extreme? Perhaps? but OH has agreed to it if thats what it will take to make things work.

i really wish my situation could be like yours. Its easy to let hormones get a hold of you in situations like this, when you wonder what will happen a few months down the line when you have a bump, strechmarks, sore boobs etc.

I have found that in the case of my OH, he uses it as a little bubble to escape from the stress of work etc. I dont think I even mind him watching it, its just i dont accept that it should cost money, nor shoul it be used as a replacement for our relationship.

Luckily, it hasnt got that far, me and OH have a everyday thing, YKWIM?

Dont take it to heart. As long as it isnt a substitute for you, and you both have a healthy sex life, i wouldnt worry.

men are just men. And thats what they bloody well do. idiots!

DizzyMoo

When i was with an ex ( before any kids came along ), we'd just moved into our 1st home together & within a week he was away on a fishing trip to france so i'm left unpacking as ya do... I found a full box of 30 videos of porn including gay porn, swingers, tranvestites & transexuals. To say i was sick was putting it lightly, Anyway i consulted him about it on the phone & he claimed he never watched them but couldn't leave them at his mum. I found an easier way to deal with them & put them all in the bin, I thought that was the end of that....But my paranoia got the better of me & being the only 2 in a 3 bedroomed house i went on a "porn hun", as soon as he was out of the house i would search one of the spare rooms where he kept all his fishing gear & i came across hidden videos & magazines of porn , inc women & gays. I wasn't as sick as i guess i'd known all along there would be more... again i bagged it up & actually dumped it in somebody elses bin streets away i was sickened to the stomach.... I'd noticed he was staying up later at nights & was always an hour maybe 2 behind me... so at nights i started creeping downstairs to listen quietly & on about 5 occasions i actually caught him watching it & he'd tried turning it off. That was it enough was enough i was losing weight, felt disgusted, couldn't bare to touch him or be in the same room without feeling sickened.

I moved into the spare bedroom & started looking for somewhere to live & soon as i found somewhere off i went & have never ever been able to look at him the same again. I've since found out hes into swinging & still looks at gay porn (gags) so i totally feel you hun , its disgusting & so derogatory.
I will never accept another partner who looks at it either .

sb22

DizzyMoo that sounds god awful! I'm so sorry, I'm glad you had the courage to get away.

Al4321, I have to agree with you when you say that OH is generally a wonderful guy. My OH treats me like a princess and sometimes i don't give him enough credit for that, because i hold such grudges regarding the above.

Al4321

Yeah but it is so hard to be greatful when I know what he's done, we have never had a problem with this before. Now Im pregnant...HE does it! I dont understand why, I feel like IVe turned ugly all of a sudden and that he's disgusted by me, plus we cant have sex at all from today onwards as Ive been experiencing bleeding after sex I just cant handle it, I dont like it, It feels like Im being betrayed the fact that he's looking at other women in a sexual way and actually getting pleasure from it

Dizzymoo awfully sorry to hear about your story hun, that sounds awful, at least you found out what he was like

Also how do you barr the internet on a phone?

As much as the thought of forgiving him makes me feel sick, we do have a baby to think of and I want to give it the best start, but if this happens again I think ID rather be alone than have all this stress around my babe.

sb22

I know what you mean. i was told to abstain from sex at about the same time as you because I was getting bleeds too. So boy oh boy, did I feel like crap!
You need to sit him down and ask him exactly his reasoning for this. You might be surprised. My OH was very honest with me. You're right, it doesnt make you feel exactly very nice!

As for the phone thing, I think its dependant on the phone he uses. i have deleted his internet settings/messed them up so he cant connect, but he can easy reinstate them if he knew how.

Hes too stupid, that he doesnt have a clue how i done it or how to fix it. he hates the fact I'm such a techno geek!

cking

I dont think guys realise that lying is just not good enough!!!! And I think they find it even more annoying when us clever women suss them out! I think you have every right to get angry with him as I would be pretty mad too. I hate porn and strip clubs... if you've got someone why look at other women.. I never understand that one and my OH knows if he dared he's be in serious trouble!!! Hope all works out and that he shows you just how sorry he is x x x x

Seraphim

Well, I guess I'm a little different.

In answer to the question what do others(I) think...

I think ending a relationship / saying "its over" just like that is flipant, and risky, and probably not at all what you WANT, and saying what you WANT is probably far more useful.

I think in any situation, both peoples views and wishes need to be heard, and hopefully understood. You may not agree with him, but he has every right to his feelings about it, as you do to yours.

In my relationship I very early on adopted the thinking that just because we are together, it doesn't mean his brain or body stop appreciating the things they always have. It's like saying "Stop liking coffee" - can't be done that way. You can get somebody to stop drinking coffee... but that's a different thing.

Of course I have requirements of being in a relationship with me... and everyone will have different views about what's acceptable and what's not.

In previous relationships when I was younger I had the same feelings about porn as you do. It made me feel insecure. I guess I stopped seeing it as a threat.

I think men have phases with porn... and they mostly grow out of it (later to return maybe) but I don't personally believe that a brick wall damnation of his choices will get you both to a happy place.

Just talk is my advice hon x

Duffy

You had a right to be upset, he should feel terrible right now! Putting aside the "good man" deal I'm sure you two will kiss and make up. Maybe when your both calm you can come up with a rule about porn, doe he realize how you feel about putting aside the anger and just openly talking about your feelings on this situation?

MoonMuffin

My DH watches porn, but so do I. We never pay for it (free on the internet) and we don't watch it very often (especially since Kathryn arrived, no time!) but we watch it together and separately. I don't see anything wrong with it now, but if it got out of hand then I'd take issue. Of course I'd work through it, I wont leave just for that. I do have a problem with lying and my DH is luckily very honest with me. I think we have a problem more with being addicted to World of Warcraft thus not having as much "us" time then anything else