When to tell your children?

loopy loulou · Apr 3rd, 2009, 13:45 PM

Hi, Hust wondered what your opinions were on this matter.

I have a six year old son, and I'm not sure the best time to tell him about the bean! Should I wait till 12 weeks and have had the scan? or do I tell him now but explain that it's very new and how it may not 'work'.

My sister lost twins at 16weeks fairly recently and my son dealt with that ok. He accepted that some things just aren't meant to be and was quite matter of fact about it. He didn't get upset at all.

His class were hatching some duck eggs at school at the time and some of them didn't hatch, so he likened it to this!

Part of me wants him involved from the start, but I don't want to upset him if he gets too 'attached'.

Thanks...

Mumof42009 · Apr 3rd, 2009, 13:55 PM

Hi
I havent told my children yet im going to around the 12wk mark because i know when i do tell them they are going to want to tell their friends so would rather wait. Its really upto you hun whats best and suits you xx

tashyluv · Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:43 PM

Well I havent told my step daughter yet, I thought about taking her to the 12 week scan but we will see how it goes. I think its far to early just now for me xxx

babystar · Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:52 PM

I took my 6 yr old to my 1st scan... she sat outside until I got the all clear and then the woman brought her in and said to her theres your little brother or sister thats inside mums tummy....Joanis jaw hit the floor she was over the moon lol. Best of luck!

mer01 · Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:53 PM

I told my DS as soon as we found out (hes 5), ive told him about all my pregnancies although 3 of them ended in m/c. I dont beleive in sheltering my kids (and please dont have a go here) i never lie to him (well apart from about santa!!). If he asks a question im always honest. Life is rough and kids are more resiliant than we think. My mum always lied to me as a kid trying to 'protcect me' and to be honest i resent it now im older. He knows that death is a natural part of the circle of life and the babies we lost are angels in heaven with my sister. He accepts this. Its a matter of personal choice really, and each individual child has different abilities to cope.

By the way i am not trying to start a debate here so please do not be offended.

IHrtSteve · Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:54 PM

My DH was too excited to wait. He told my 5 year old step son almost immediately. Proabably not the best idea but i couldnt rain on my DHs parade. You have to do it when it feels right for you...

loopy loulou · Apr 3rd, 2009, 15:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by babystar

I took my 6 yr old to my 1st scan... she sat outside until I got the all clear and then the woman brought her in and said to her theres your little brother or sister thats inside mums tummy....Joanis jaw hit the floor she was over the moon lol. Best of luck!

I like that idea!.. although if it wasn't all ok then you'd have to put a brave face on when you came out...Ahhhh so tricky...

Glad all's good with you though!! Thanks for your input.
xx

loopy loulou · Apr 3rd, 2009, 16:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mer01

I told my DS as soon as we found out (hes 5), ive told him about all my pregnancies although 3 of them ended in m/c. I dont beleive in sheltering my kids (and please dont have a go here) i never lie to him (well apart from about santa!!). If he asks a question im always honest. Life is rough and kids are more resiliant than we think. My mum always lied to me as a kid trying to 'protcect me' and to be honest i resent it now im older. He knows that death is a natural part of the circle of life and the babies we lost are angels in heaven with my sister. He accepts this. Its a matter of personal choice really, and each individual child has different abilities to cope.

By the way i am not trying to start a debate here so please do not be offended.

No offence at all!! I think it's great to be honest with your kids. I really agree.. I suppose with something like this you just need to make sure they fully understand.. and don't bottle things up if they get upset.. And there is also the problem that he will tell his friends and I'm not ready for that in the playground yet!!

Thanks for your opinion.. I guess we're all different.. what's best for some is not always best for others. I think I'm quite a strong, sensible person and if the worst happened I think I'd be ok, so therefore could be supportive for my son. I think if you're the kind of person who gets very down and upset easily, maybe you can't be as strong for your kids?? Does that make sense??

Anyway, I'm waffling now... Thanks for your sharing your thoughts.. Will have a chat with OH..

Take care, and congratulations!!
xxxx

GersPrincess · Apr 3rd, 2009, 18:41 PM

My hubby told his 6 yr old son pretty much as soon as we found out, but he doesnt really have any concept of what's going on around him (we've just found out he is autistic on top of his ADHD).
I wanted to wait as late as possible to tell my 2, but morning sickness put paid to that! I tried to disguise it for as long as I could, but like someone else said I like to tell my kids the truth. They are very mature for their ages (7&8) and we have a great relationship because of this.
My DS was initially excited, but is much more interested now in whether Chelsea are going to win the league or not, whereas DD is obsessed, and has recently taken to stuffing her baby born (boy or girl) or baby anabelle up her nightie and then giving birth.. with frightening accuracy which I'm not entirely sure where she's learnt it from, but oh well... she is hugely excited, and has told me my belly must "look" pregnant for her 7th Birthday at the end of the month so she can show her friends!! cheeky minx!

PixieMajik627 · Apr 3rd, 2009, 22:54 PM

My mom told me when she was REALLY showing... She came off and said "your going to be a big sister" and I was thrilled...So Im thinking the best best it prob tell him around the start of your 3rd trimester

Just my opinion though!

Apr 3rd, 2009, 13:45 PM	#1
loopy loulou Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Hampshire, UK Posts: 593	When to tell your children? Hi, Hust wondered what your opinions were on this matter. I have a six year old son, and I'm not sure the best time to tell him about the bean! Should I wait till 12 weeks and have had the scan? or do I tell him now but explain that it's very new and how it may not 'work'. My sister lost twins at 16weeks fairly recently and my son dealt with that ok. He accepted that some things just aren't meant to be and was quite matter of fact about it. He didn't get upset at all. His class were hatching some duck eggs at school at the time and some of them didn't hatch, so he likened it to this! Part of me wants him involved from the start, but I don't want to upset him if he gets too 'attached'. Thanks...

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Apr 3rd, 2009, 13:55 PM	#2
Mumof42009 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 3,668	Hi I havent told my children yet im going to around the 12wk mark because i know when i do tell them they are going to want to tell their friends so would rather wait. Its really upto you hun whats best and suits you xx

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Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:43 PM	#3
tashyluv AutoSignup (SAAB) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 757	Well I havent told my step daughter yet, I thought about taking her to the 12 week scan but we will see how it goes. I think its far to early just now for me xxx

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Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:52 PM	#4
babystar Pregnant (Expecting) Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 4,737	I took my 6 yr old to my 1st scan... she sat outside until I got the all clear and then the woman brought her in and said to her theres your little brother or sister thats inside mums tummy....Joanis jaw hit the floor she was over the moon lol. Best of luck!

Status: Offline

Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:53 PM	#5
mer01 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: rotherham Posts: 931	I told my DS as soon as we found out (hes 5), ive told him about all my pregnancies although 3 of them ended in m/c. I dont beleive in sheltering my kids (and please dont have a go here) i never lie to him (well apart from about santa!!). If he asks a question im always honest. Life is rough and kids are more resiliant than we think. My mum always lied to me as a kid trying to 'protcect me' and to be honest i resent it now im older. He knows that death is a natural part of the circle of life and the babies we lost are angels in heaven with my sister. He accepts this. Its a matter of personal choice really, and each individual child has different abilities to cope. By the way i am not trying to start a debate here so please do not be offended.

Status: Offline

Apr 3rd, 2009, 14:54 PM	#6
IHrtSteve Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 932	My DH was too excited to wait. He told my 5 year old step son almost immediately. Proabably not the best idea but i couldnt rain on my DHs parade. You have to do it when it feels right for you...

Status: Offline

Apr 3rd, 2009, 18:41 PM	#9
GersPrincess Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,581	My hubby told his 6 yr old son pretty much as soon as we found out, but he doesnt really have any concept of what's going on around him (we've just found out he is autistic on top of his ADHD). I wanted to wait as late as possible to tell my 2, but morning sickness put paid to that! I tried to disguise it for as long as I could, but like someone else said I like to tell my kids the truth. They are very mature for their ages (7&8) and we have a great relationship because of this. My DS was initially excited, but is much more interested now in whether Chelsea are going to win the league or not, whereas DD is obsessed, and has recently taken to stuffing her baby born (boy or girl) or baby anabelle up her nightie and then giving birth.. with frightening accuracy which I'm not entirely sure where she's learnt it from, but oh well... she is hugely excited, and has told me my belly must "look" pregnant for her 7th Birthday at the end of the month so she can show her friends!! cheeky minx!

Status: Offline

Apr 3rd, 2009, 22:54 PM	#10
PixieMajik627 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Blacksburg, SC, USA Posts: 58	My mom told me when she was REALLY showing... She came off and said "your going to be a big sister" and I was thrilled...So Im thinking the best best it prob tell him around the start of your 3rd trimester Just my opinion though!

Status: Offline

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