ryder

Sorry hun, I agree, it is his right to see his baby being born and its not something that should be taken away just because you have a problem with him now.

Sarahkka

I assume that both of you want a lifelong relationship with baby?
I'm only asking because that would affect my decision. If the father didn't want to be involved with the child at all, then sorry pal, no birth privileges, no dropping in and out of baby's life as it suits you. That's protecting me and protecting a vulnerable child who needs to be able to count on dad.
But if he's planning to be a full-time dad, even with your separation, then let him start his relationship with baby at the beginning. That doesn't mean he has to be there for the whole labour. He could come in quietly (and on your terms) just for the actual delivery.
Thinking about it from baby's point of view, it's important that the child knows that no matter how things are between you and dad that you both love him fiercely, and that you will both always be there for him. And that it started right at his birth.

Jinty

Tell him he can be there but if he seriously pees you off send him out :P xxx

Munchkin

I would let him be there - it's his child as much as yours. And you will probably have to go through the rest of your life separating your relationship with him from your child's relationship from him.
All the best sweetheart! Sure it will be tough, but fair (I think).

sensimilla

Hi Anja!
Huhh, it's a really hard question....but I'd say don't let him in for the birth. He can go after to see his child, but I wouldn't let him seeing myself suffer and push and everything.
Anyway....just do what you feel it's the best for you! If you wouldn't feel confortable with him seeing you, then don't let him in. It's not about him, it's about you giving birth to your child, where you need to be the most confortable as you can. He is not gonna miss what he needs to see.
Good luck!

rae05

I would still not want him there for the pushing, grunting, sweating like a pig part. I'm not having ANYONE that doesn't need to be in that room with me in there. I'll have whatever doctors/nurses need to be there, that is it. I don't want anyone seeing me in that state, let alone my ex. So I'm reaffirming that I'd keep him outside the door. I don't have to worry about it because my ex is 8 hours away, but there is no way in hell he'd be stepping foot in that delivery room until the baby was out.

ryder

rae, your ex is different, he is a big insensitive jerk who doesnt sound like he wants anything to do with the baby anyways...

If Anjas ex is planning on being a good father then the priveledge shouldn't be taken because of our want. It take 2 people to make a baby, whether they truely love each other or not, they decided to sleep together and make a baby.

It is as much his right to see the baby's first breath of life as it is the mothers. Regardless of the mother and fathers problems with each other.

I really feel bad for some men, because there are some men who are good and deserving and women have so much control over everything. I even feel bad for my SO, he is so excited about the baby and still hasnt felt her kick But I feel her kick all the time, I get the whole experience, he just kind of has to sit and watch.

Anja

We had a chat about the birth today and I said that he is totally welcome at the birth as long as he can keep any animosity out of the delivery room and he can either keep quiet in the corner or be more involved if he can be supportive, compassionate etc. If at any point he has the slightest bit of aggression or hostility then he will have to leave....smple as. No matter what he can be there as soon as the baby is born and cut the umbilical if he wants to. He has agreed and thinks that is fair enough. I feel very relieved as this has been really bothering me. It feels right!
Thanks again for advice and opinions
xx

maybebaby

Sarah88

Good job! I really hope things go well for you!