CamoQueen

Oh, I don't think I would tell him. He sounds like the kind of influence you would want to keep away from your child...

BurtonBaby

Alright ladies, I'm sorry but I have to disagree. I would def tell him. He has a right to know he has a child. My older brother has gotten himself into all kinds of situations, and sometimes we have to wonder if he doesn't have a child that some girl never told him about. I honestly, honestly think that as the father (as long as your sure its him) has a right to know. If he does drugs and lives a poor lifestyle, he wont be able to get rights to joint custody or anything like that, so you wouldn't have to worry about that. Just tell the courts about it, and they will drug test him and monitor him before allowing him anytime with the child. And does he even know where you live? If you know so little about him, does he not know the same about you? If his family comes to your home and are rude or disrespectful, you dont have to talk to them. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just think that the guy deserves to know he has a child. A girl I know had a one night stand a few years ago. All she knew was the guys first name. She didn't know where he was from or anything, and she ended up pregnant. Her son is almost 4 now, and has asked where his daddy is, and she has nothing to tell him. Its kinda sad honestly. Good luck.

Ria_Rose

Feeling very lucky that I never fell pregnant during my *cough*WILDER DAYS*cough*. But if I had I'm not sure how I'd have felt. You seem to have things pretty sorted for yourself, and I guess if he's going to be bad news then I personally would be leaning towards not telling him... But then I would be thinking about myself. Your child might grow up wanting to know who he was, and if he/she goes looking he wouldn't even know they existed. I think Kids who do not know one or both of their biological parents tend to wonder about them, wonder which of their traits they inherited and maybe hope that they have been thinking about them all those years, but he wn't have even know they've existed..

Also is there any chance anyone you know might tell him, or might someone you know mention in passing your pregnant - will he work out that it might be his?

missjess

I agree with BurtonBaby, I would tell him. Then if you don't want him near baby, that's your right to do so (if the guy can be a bad influence for the child, justice won't give him the right to be around). Everyone deserves to be told the truth, especially in this situation.

Gabi

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to handle the situation. Honestly I'd tell him but I'd make it clear that I don't want anything from him. He isn't obligated to do anything or pay anything.
That way at least you've told him and he can decide if he wants to be a part of his childs life and when your child asks about their father (which they will) at least you'll be in contact with him.

Knowing that he has a child on the way may even be enough for him to look at his life more. Either that or he wont believe you and not want anything to do with it in which case... at least you told him.

tinytoes

i agree

Kayles1/8/08

For the girl who wrote about me telling people who the dad was...
I haven't told anybody his name only me know's that!
and when the baby does ask eventually which i know they will who they'r dad is i will tell him/her all i know and then its up to them if they want to go and find him.
He does know where I live as well!
It could either go one way or another...really bad or not so bad.
But my 100% honest opinion i think if i phoned him up telling him i was 5 months pregnant..then that would be one big massive hell hole.
And there also isn't anyone that me and him both know that would tell him i was pregnant.
x

toriaaaaTRASH

I don't think he deserves to know to be honest.

Kayles1/8/08

You think so?
see iv'e chosen this to do it by myself but it's just i don't want to be seen as such a bad mum when im only trying to go by whats best for the baby not me.

codiontour

my friend was in the same situation one year ago and she has this to say : )

Hi, I understand your situation completely. It wasn't quite a one-night stand but I hadn't known the guy long. I thought he was a great guy, but he'd kept me in the dark about his drug use and other unpleasantries. I only slept with him once (protected, seriously), and that's when he changed. I actually left out of fear, and didn't know I was pregnant until two months later, because like I said, I'd used protection and it just didn't seem possible.

But anyway, I'd like to tell you to stay positive about the situation, and if you do not feel that the father would be a positive influence in your child's life, then it is your right to do what's best. Many women in your situation would not be so honest, or would have had an abortion, so you should be very proud of yourself. I did not go to the father, and I have to fight to support my child and survive on my own without child support, but I believe in my heart it was the right choice. I took flack from a lot of people who didn't understand and thought it was their place to tell me whether or not the father should be involved, but the fact is in the end you need to do what you think is right. Like others have said, you don't want to lie to the child. When it comes time, I plan to tell my son that his father was not ready for the responsibilities of parenting, which is true in your situation as well if he's using drugs. When my son comes of age, it will be his right to hunt down his father if he'd like, and he can hate me for keeping him away for the rest of his life, but at least I'll know I did my best.

And please let me clarify, I am not saying it is the right thing in your case. But you should make your own decision based on your beliefs and values and understanding of your own situation, and do not let anyone call you a bad person for making it. Do not let anyone shame or condemn you, because they will try, no matter what choice you make. And good luck! I'll quit writing a novel now, geeze, lol.