In a bit of a tricky position and i was wondering what other people would do in my position...

First of all let me say neither me or my OH are religious. We were both baptised into the anglican church as babies but since being old enough to make our own decisions we've lead a secular life, although not completely devoid of any spirituality (on my part anyway!) in the sense that probably if i were to describe myself i would lean more towards pagan than atheist. We're not opposed to religion at all, and i have been to christenings and church weddings recently, but at the same time if people ask- we're honest about not believing.

Anyway, bearing all that in mind my younger sister (who is also pregnant right now) has asked me today (in a text message) if OH and i will be godparents for her LO as they are planning to get him/her christened (she's due in december)

I haven't replied yet because i am not sure what to say! I don't have anything against being there for her and for her LO and being a role model and guide to the baby as he/she grows up. However i am very aware that at most (if not all?!) baptisms the godparents are required to stand in front of the congregation and recite after the minister a piece about agreeing to help the child lead a good christian life and making a promise to god along those lines and that i would feel uncomfortable with, as it's not something i can vouch to in all honesty.

I always thought godparents, in a way, were like nominating who you would want to guide your children if anything were to happen to you, and i would of course take on that duty if the worst were to happen, however i can't say as i would be a "spiritual" guide for the child, at least, not in the way the church would like!

I should also mention my younger sister is also not religious at all, again, she was christened as a baby but as far as i'm aware has not been inside a church since for anything other than other people's weddings and christenings, therefore i am a little surprised at her decision i guess but not totally shocked as i know a lot of people do have their LO's baptised as a matter of course.

Sorry this is so long, i am just in such a quandry! I don't want to offend her by saying "no" and she doesn't have a great support network so i know she has really no one else to ask if we turn her down, but at the same time, if i say "yes" then can i really get up there and repeat the lines after the vicar when i don't believe in any of it?!

Helps!

is it defo a church service that she is going for? we are godparents for my best friends 2 children, but they, like us & like you arent religious, so instead they had a little 'blessing' type thing, which was more humanitarian than religious, and focused on the 'positive role model' aspect rather than the church side of things, that way they still got the 'day' and the godparents, yet no one had to pledge anything that they werent up for.

Yeah, unfortunately i know it is definitely a church service as the words she used were "christened properly" which i can only assume is a reference to the fact OH and i are planning a bit of a "naming party" for our LO and i guess my mum must have mentioned it to her?!

eeeek.. i see your point then. id feel the same to be honest. i guess all you can do is ask her up front what she would expect of you as a godmother.... and if it really means things that you can do, then you cant do them, doesnt mean you will be any less of an auntie or positive role model.. but it might offend your sister..... good luck with whatever you decide to do!

I can understand completely where you are coming from - do you remember my thread about my OH wanting baby christened but me not wanting it?

Maybe you could speak to her about it, say what you have told us about being a positive role model ect, but explain that when you dont really believe in it, you dont feel comfortable doing it - it might make her think twice about her own reasoning for christening her child?

x

Yes i do remember that hun, did you and your OH ever come to a decision about it all?

I eventually had to reply to my sister late last night as i couldn't really leave it any longer. I said thanks for thinking of us, and we would love to be your baby's godparents in a sense but neither of us is religious as you know, or even believe in god, so i'm not sure we can be.

Her reply was "no neither are we but i just want the baby to have a christening"

I didn't know what to say to that so i have just left it for now.

OH thinks maybe she will change her mind anyway when she realises she actually has to make contact with the church and attend services there prior to the baptism (do all churches still do that does anyone know?)

Anyway i don't know what to say to her about it all so for the minute i am going to just not say anything!

I totally understand where you're coming from. My OH is a godfather to one of his friends kids neither him nor the parents believe in god and I was quite uncomfortable with it.

But I think alot of people see it the same as getting married in church when you don't actually believe in god, its just something you do. I personally wouldn't do it as my OH doesn't believe and I wouldn't feel right about it but that is my personal opinion and would never judge others on the choices they made.

If you are close to your sister maybe you could explain your feelings to her? She might even come around to your way of thinking and opt for a non religious ceremony. Last thing you need is to be bottling it up and worrying about it.

Grrr why do people do that!!? It drives me nuts!!!

I seriously think it makes people HUGE hypocrites having their child christened when they dont even believe in it. On my thread, people (esp the religious ones) said that i should "give" my OH his choice even though i quite clearly stated he is no more christian than my pot plant!!!

We still havent come to a desision, he doesnt seem to be backing down even when i offered him a non religious compromise...knowing my luck he's already told the perspective "god parents" that we are!!


xxx

Ahh sorry you haven't come to a comprimise, it must be really frustrating for you

OH is saying he doesn't really want any part of it.

I think it would be different if my sister and her OH were very religious people who asked us, as i would know how much it must mean to them and be touched they thought of us, so would consider saying "yes" as they obviously would be comfortable with asking us despite not being religious so i might be able to feel okay about it.

However since my sister is not remotely religious and just doing it to have a party for baby then i think i would feel like a total fraud standing there in the church saying my piece!

Just wanted to add that i loved this:

Religion is so tricky isn't it? My family is very religious, but DH and I aren't. Baptism hasn't been brought up in conversation yet, but my mom or dad is sure to say something one of these days. I don't feel the need for a baptism or naming ceremony or anything, but I'm afraid my family will be horrified. Not that we could have a baptism anyways without becoming members of some church, which we don't want to do.

I feel for you guys. What a frustrating situation!