snugglebot

I am not saying this is your sister's perspective but one advantage of christening the baby while they are young, regardless of your position on religion is that then the child, if they choose to as an adult to become religious, doesn't have to get baptized as an adult to participate in the practices.

My mom had huge issues not being baptized as a child when she and my dad got married. My dad wanted a church service but couldn't find a church to marry the two of them if she wasn't baptized.

It also allows them being baptized to participate in other practices such as being a godparent for someone else's child. Most churches I know of won't allow a non-baptized person to be a godparent.

Rebaby

Thanks apple you're right, it is super frustrating! I hope you guys work something out too.

Right now, we haven't talked about it anymore, i guess it's quite a ways in the future yet (she's due in december) but i do still feel uneasy about it.

Thanks hun. I guess it must be different over here as i'm fairly sure you don't need to be baptised in order to be a part of the church or take part in any services, you just have to attend! And my sister doesn't even attend, which is what sort of drives me crazy!

If she was religious and this was a big deal to her then i'd feel flattered but the way things stand i just sort of feel baffled!

snugglebot

It isn't attending that is the issue, it is the traditions like confirmation, being a godparent, communion in the catholic church etc that you need to be baptised to participate in. There is nothing stopping an unbaptised person from sitting in the church to take in the service.

Again, it all depends on whether the parents want the baby to have the option of participating in those traditions later in life without having to go through an adult baptism and regardless of their parent's choices.

Like I said, my mom was never baptised but chose to baptise us so that we didn't have to go through what she did, not being allowed to be married in a church (which was important to my dad and his family). Personally I don't go to church but will be baptizing my child to offer him or her the choice when they are an adult without going through the adult baptism. My Dh's family is much more religious and had I not been baptized the church may not have married us, I wouldn't have been allowed to be a godparent for my sister's baby which I value. I want those options available for my baby if he or she chooses to be more religious or marry into a family which is like I did.

loofah

Could you tell your sister that you'd love to be her baby's godparents but you cannot stand up in a church and promise to give spiritual guidance (or whatever it is that you're supposed to do)? So as long as you don't have to do that part it's all good? Is that possible? So then she can decide how she wants things to play out, either you're the godparents sans church-bit or she gets someone else.

snugglebot

Hey that isn't a bad suggestion Loofah! Not sure what you think Rebaby?

muminlove

I spent so much time stressing over christening-ness last year. Ughhh...
I would describe myself as being pagan/buddhist combo lol but my partner and his family are catholic. My partner does not go to church (his family does and his father often has little digs at me) but it was very important to him and to his family that our son was baptised. I was ok with that because it is a reality of our household that he will learn about different beliefs and religions and he will encouraged to find his own path. I felt that agreeing to have him baptised was opening a door to one path for him.
But when we came to the godparents......oh my goodness. It just got STUPID.
Godparent to me means someone that you entrust to guide your child in life, someone who they can go to if there is ever something they dont feel they could come to you with, and that you could trust that this person would either assist or make a decision for your child that you would be comfortable with. I think it has for the most part been many years since the role of godparent to guide your child from the devil and towards god has been used quite as strictly it was originally intended.
Basically, that a godparent is now often a special adult friend.
So my partner chose the godfather - his best friend who is very religious and does attend church.
And I chose the godmother - my childhood friend since we were 3 who is jewish........... Well you can imagine most of what followed.
Drama after drama and i came close to pulling the pin many times but in the end with a LOT of little comprimises we got through.
Has made me think twice about getting married though!
Is it possible that perhaps since your sister isn't religious maybe she is defining the godparents role similar to the way that we did? If you do want to be her bubs godparents and she is set on a church ceremony then perhaps you can explain you hesitation in more depth with her, in person and maybe look at talking to the priest together? I'm assuming you are comfortable to be in a church?
We had to change priests more than once - Horrible because the first was my partners sister-in-laws father so very awkward! But we found a priest who was fantastic, he chose passages for the godmother to read that she would be comfortable with and apparently you always only list one godparent in the records as being (i forget the terms) like the 'godparent' and the other is a bit like a witness? kinda?
It's such a tricky area all round....It's a bit like there is never no right answer or smooth/clean option?
At the end of the day, your relationship and role in this childs life will last forever and this is just one day. If you have to answer yes that you will lead this child to god, and your sister knows what that means to you, then i think there is absolutely nothing wrong with answering yes with your beliefs of what god means to you in mind.
Good luck, I do not envy you position but it is a lovely thing that your sister has asked you to be that special person in her bubs life!

Why can I not just write a short post? What is wrong with me?!
Sorry!

xBlackBeautyx

I'm confused as to why your sister doesn't just have a 'naming ceremony' followed by a party if she's not religious. Its still a formal ceremony and instead of godparents she could choose 'guides'. Personally, if I was you, I would feel like a fraud aswell if I had to stand up and make promises to the church that yoy'd guide a child towards God the Christian way when you know you wouldn't.
I got blessed at church when I was a baby and my baby will too. I don't believe in baptising babies because baptism is for people that believe and have made the personal decision to do so. All a baby knows is they wanna eat, sleep, poo and play.
Me and OH are still trying to compromise on the godparents issue. I've chosen the pastor of a church in Luton and his wife because I know they'll guide my son properly and will tell him the truth when he's wrong and not just tell him what he wants to hear. He's chosen his cousin because he's minted. Personally, I think its a waste of a godparent choosing a relative because as family, they already have a duty to that child. To me, godparents are about extending that duty to close trusted people to not only guide the child, but if anything were to happen to the parents and there were no family to step in, the godparents would be the next guardians in line. His cousin is lovely, but I don't think him having money to spoil my son is a good enough reason for him to be godfather.
My best friend wanted to have his daughter christened and the church said no because him and the baby's mum weren't baptised or members of the church I think its just Anglican and Catholic churches that are still like that.
I too don't envy your position! But it sounds like your sister's understanding enough. And she's only doing it for a formality, not because its her faith or anything so I'm sure she'll find a way round it for you! Good luck x

Rebaby

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, it's a big help

I actually talked to my mum about it on the phone a couple of nights ago and admitted that i felt uncomfortable about standing in front of a congregation and saying things which i wouldn't really mean etc and she was really good about it.

She said that the church my sister is talking about having her LO baptised at is very "forward-thinking" and that nearer the time they would probably be able to meet with the vicar and perhaps even get the wording changed for the godparents so i wouldn't have to make any promises that i wouldn't be keeping. She also said that when she was picking godparents for us as babies she thought of people she'd want to take care of us if something were to happen to her and my dad, and people she respected and wanted us to look to for an example and that is probably why my sister has chosen me as she looks up to me....awww!

I still absolutely don't get my sister's reasoning for wanting a church ceremony when neither her or her OH have the slightest religious inclination HOWEVER i do appreciate it's a nice gesture to be asked, and i am not going to rule it out yet. I'll wait and see what happens nearer the time and what the ceremony will involve. Hopefully we can get to some kind of comprimse.

Thanks again everyone.

FemmeEnceinte

Neither myself nor my OH and in any way religious. Not one bit. But, we will be having the baby christened. While I won't be having a church wedding because I don't consider our marriage to be a religious affair, I consider christenings to be a different matter. If you don't believe in it, then you're not promising to do anything to anyone. You're just muttering empty words in a room full of people.

I'd do it if it meant a lot to my sister but that's because I don't feel strongly about making a statement about my lack of religiosity. I refuse to follow organised religions but I enjoy the ceremonies. If that makes me a hypocrite then may the god I don't even believe in strike me down...

bjl1981

I'm coming at this from a slightly different point of view, but similar doubts.
I am a born again Christian and my brother is not a christian, although he was brought up to go to church and was christened as a baby. He recently was planning to have his little girl Christened and asked me and my SILs siblings to be God parents. My SIL is also not religiuos at all, and neither are her siblings, and my issue wasnt that I wasn't prepared to bring up my neice in a Christian way, because clearly I would want that, but that my brother and SIL weren't taking the service seriously at all, and that I would have to stand up and say these promises alongside 2 people who I knew wouldn't be able to keep them, making me a slight hypocrite too. I ended up saying that I wasn't happy, because I didn't think they fully appreciated what the service meant, and they changed from having a Christening to having a naming/blessing ceremony instead, and me and SILs siblings were "supporters", which means we promised to support both baby and parents in their lives. There was no real spiritual content, which strangely I found better, because to me they would have been doing it for the wrong reasons (i.e. because people have their babies Christened because they think its the "right" thing to do, whether they believe in it or not).
Hope that makes sense, but maybe you could suggest this instead of a Christening.