I really have to agree with you on this one. After TTC for 6 yrs and 2 m/c to hear a comment like "my life is over" because you are having a boy is crazy to me. I can understand disappointment and everyone is entitled to feel that, but look at what you do have, not what you don't....

But she knows that what she is feeling isn't normal - that's why she's looking for help. This hasn't been easy for her to say, and she has lost pregnancies and is having to work REALLY hard to keep this one going, and I think that she needs our support, not our judgement. Would you be saying this sort of thing to a mother with a newborn baby that she found it impossible to love or saw as a total stranger? Or to a teenage mother who thought that her life was over because of her colicky baby, and she was worried she might hurt him or her?

I don't think you would, because you would immediately think to yourselves that she had post-natal depression, and being lovely people, you would try to help her and persuade her to seek help. Although it's not talked about much, pre-natal depression is just as real as post-natal depression, and saying to Logie to get a grip or look on the bright side isn't really helping, she needs some kind of professional intervention. I feel horrible that she has felt the need to 'explain' that she knows she is 'evil'. Logie, you're not evil at all, you know you need extra help and make sure that you get it. You will love this baby just as much, but it might take you a bit longer to get there, that's all.

^^

Thanks AuntyE - you have expressed my thoughts exactly there.

x

I didnt say what she is feeling is wrong, what I said is that to think your life is over because you are having a boy seems crazy to me. and if the feelings are just because she is having a boy then thats crazy, if its depression then of course thats another thing.

I really want a boy and I know my OH does too, but weirdly enough he seems to think I'm having a girl and all I can think of are girls names!! I dont have any feeling yet as to whether the pudding is pink or blue - the OH thinks I'm lying but I really dont have any feeling either way!

I dont know if I would be disappointed if I find I'm having a girl or not - I would hope not.

I'm more worried about whether I'll pass on my genetic condition, I have to see an obstetrcian and genetic counsellor about that.

LOL thats exactly why I dont want a girl...we're bloody hard work!!!!

Logie, I don't think you're evil or vile. I think you're struggling with what sounds very like prenatal depression, and that is not something you can control. Depression is a very real illness, and it's not something that can just be brushed off. Someone who hasn't been there really can't understand it, and even if they have had depression, no two people are alike. So please don't allow people judging you to make you feel worse. It's an emotive subject, and bound to be one that people have strong opinions over - but that doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong, ok?

I think that if you weren't suffering these kind of depressive feelings, you would feel a bit disappointed, but then move on and start finding the positives. But when you are suffering from depression, it can be nigh on impossible to find those positives. It's not anything bad or evil about you - it's the illness.

This is why it's so important that you get help, and I really hope your doctor listens. There are anti-depressants which are safe for use during pregnancy, or you might find that counselling could help you release some of the issues which are making you feel so rotten right now.

Take it steady, and be really gentle with yourself. Getting into a cycle of thinking that you're evil won't help at all - it'll just make you feel worse. Be good to you - you're doing the best you can .

Before I got pregnant, I was sure that I wanted a girl more than a boy - a lot of that was down to stupid remarks from the in-laws. We were told we had a >1% chance of conceiving, and actually needed ICSI. We'd just had our screening appointment when I got my , and it was such a shock. Now, I have this gut feeling that I'm having a boy, and I'm still happy - it's our miracle baby, no matter what. We are still going to find out the gender at our 20 week scan (if LO plays along ) - I want to stop calling it "him or her" or "it" .

to all, I think we all need one.

logie68,
I hope you don't think you are vile or evil. You're not. You had painted a picture in your head and now must learn to accept it as being different than you had imagined.
Have you considered that your closeness with your sisters can be reflected in your boys? I know it doesn't give you a girl to dress or help with hair and makeup and boy troubles and all those things, but those boys will have a very deep bond as brothers. I think you took a very big step admitting this here, and you realize that what you are feeling isn't "normal" or at least ideal. It may take you a little bit, but I know you will be so pleased with your little boy when he is here. He will need his mommy for so many things Talking about it with someone will be good for you, and if you can have your depression treated, that may be good as well. I know you don't mean to be hurtful to those who are TTC or have had losses, as even you have experienced this. Don't beat yourself up, but try to find every positive thing you can and hold onto those things. Get yourself a bit of help with it. You are certainly not the first person to go through this. I also think if you were to search for specific sites on this topic, you will find people who are far worse off than you. They absolutely seem hopeless and unhappy, and have no idea that they shouldn't feel this way. They have no concept of the things they are saying. It seems from your posts that you do. You want to not feel the way you are. You want to feel better, and happy. You owe that to yourself and if getting some doctor's help will make a difference, then wonderful!
I know you'll overcome your initial disappointment, as you have already reached out for help

again I agree with the wisdom of leeanne... I do hope you get help this issue sounds deeper than GD. I am sure you will love the baby... do not worry about what "others" will think if you have a boy...

also loraloo... I can not imagine your pain and can understand your feelings on this as well