[Open] 'Older Mums' buddies thread!

Yaay congrats MarleysGirl

yay marleysgirl that is FAB!

fuzzy67 hope your ttc journey is short and you can join us here soon

golcarlilly i think you deserve a lovely relaxing weekend after all that! i am officially a lazy git at the moment!

met my midwife yesterday, she was lovely, so all underway that end. Gulp. It feels like a really wierd 'limbo' at the moment, sort of getting used to feeling tired and nauseous and having sore nips and all that, past doing all the pregnancy tests, but before the 'official' 12 week stuff and before getting any kind of bump ... for those of you in 2nd tri, when did it feel more real for you?

also have to decide whether to have the down's blood test done or not ... pretty much decided i don't want an amniocentesis, so is there any point in having the blood test? has anyone else had it done / considering it?

I think I am still trying to come to terms with it all really!! I sometimes suddenly think OMG I am having a baby

We decided against any tests cos I knew if they did find a problem (unless it was really serious) I could never have a termination so there didn't seem much point really. It is a very hard decision to make though and a very personal one - good luck with whatever you decide.

Ellie - it didn't feel real to me until I had the first scan. Just seeing the picture suddenly made me think, hey, hang on, I'm having a BABY!!

I agree with gocarlilly, it's very much a personal choice. I tend to go with the flow without thinking about it, so it never occured to me not to have the tests. I think as well I wanted to know, not that I would ever have terminated, but just so I could at least be mentally prepared. In the end my Downs results were great, for my age it should have been 1 in 350, and I was 1 in 486. I was really amazed also because I'm on medication for epilepsy so if anything would have expected worse than normal results, not better.

It's one of these things that only you can decide - lots of reasons both ways - but don't feel you HAVE to have the tests ... entirely up to you Oh also I declined the hiv and hep tests ... just didn't feel they were necessary since hubby and I have been together for nearly 17 years, and both of us only had 1 other partner before we met

good news avabear, we still need to discuss it more but oh of the opinion that the least intervention the better ...
my midwife went on for ages about the hiv/syphillis/hep tests, I told her that I'd had thorough screening and hep b jabs for my job quite recently, and me and Oh have been together for 7 years and no chance of any infections, i didn't feel there was a need but she said I didn't have a choice in that and that they have to do it? maybe it's dfiferent in different areas ....

it felt real when we had the scan a week ago but that wore off after about 3 days and now it feels imaginary again!

I know exactly what you mean about being in limbo and not feeling real. I don't think it will feel real till the scan and getting a bump etc.
I'm not planning to get blood tests for Down's because I wouldn't get the amniocentesis so I feel like it could be just extra worry for nothing. As you still don't get a definite answer, just a probability. So if it was higher than expected, I would be worrying for the rest of the pregnancy and baby might still be fine.

I've decided to go ahead with the screening to ascertain a more accurate Downs possibility (baseline for my age is 1:96), but that is (as someone else mentioned) so that I can be a little more mentally prepared if I know the likelihood - I've already decided that I don't want to risk the Amnio. It wouldn't change my mind about the baby, but I like to be more forewarned, if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by Marleysgirl

I've decided to go ahead with the screening to ascertain a more accurate Downs possibility (baseline for my age is 1:96), but that is (as someone else mentioned) so that I can be a little more mentally prepared if I know the likelihood - I've already decided that I don't want to risk the Amnio. It wouldn't change my mind about the baby, but I like to be more forewarned, if that makes sense.

That makes perfect sense, I think it's a very individual decision that you have to do what is right for you. My choices are different but that's just me, I generally would prefer not to think about things until they happen cos I just worry too much and then they're not as bad as you expect anyway. I also have worked with children with Downs and know that it wouldn't be the end of the world, so that probably plays a part for me as well.
Good luck with the screening, let us know how you get on.

Ellie - I would have thought that as the patient you can refuse any treatment or test but maybe it's some kind of health and safety thing, who knows? I was asked about it at least twice, but they did respect my decision, although one did warn me that I'd probably be asked again LOL.

As for feeling real, once you start to get a little bump it helps. Although the most real thing is when you start feeling things (that REALLY brings it home!). Hearing the heartbeat as well. TBH there are still days I can't believe I'm actually having a baby. Me, a parent. What's the world coming to?! LOL!

Marleysgirl - I totally understand. Maybe it's because I'm a planner-type but I need to know things, I deal much better with what I know. It's funny that for some people, to know makes them worry and for others it's not knowing that makes them worry!

Polaris - I remember when we were in P7, we shared some PE classes with some kids from a nearby school for children with various disabilities - some of them had Down's and all I remember was how sweet they were. Just so innocent and always smiling.

How is everyone? Been quite quiet here this week, hope everyone is well