As you can see I'm awake at stupid o'clock ! Not able to sleep I feel like my positive and negative thoughts are at a constant war with each other and I feel like I'm going crazy and that I need to just wake in october and all will be ok.. One minute I'm ok and telling myself that it's all ok , I'm feeling nice and sick, boobs hurt, not bleeding or in pain therefore everything must be ok- h measured my belly and I think I have grown but not 100% sure. The other minute Im telling myself that I shouldn't get commplacent and the symptoms don't mean anything as I could still have a mmc and as the hormones would still be present that I wouldn't know until the scan. I'm also worried for the babys health I pray that all is going to be ok but worried about what if there is something wrong with it how am I going to cope ??? No matter what people say to me to reassure me that it's going to be ok I don't share their confidence, I keep thinking that the bubble is going to burst at any point and my world is going to crash around me- also that IF it does I won't be able to cope as many of my friends are pregnant and due either side of me by a few months. I. Wake up every morning and think I can't cope and can't face work where I have to deal with clients that don't give you thanks for what you do and moan about things which quite frankly on the scheme of things in life and how I'm feeling really doesn't matter. I leave it last minute before getting ready for work then force myself to go in- I've got a job to do and a life to lead dispute my worries. I really hate feeling like this and although it passes the same worries always come back to me every few days and feel like my fate is in someone elses hands and all I can do is hope.

Oh darling, I found that really hard to read because your hurt echoes through your words and I see so much of how I have been feeling in it. We both know nothing I can say will make you feel better. I was CONVINCED I would get bad news at my scan. I drove myself into depression and feel mad by the time it came but honestly that is the only thing which will take the edge off.

Keep your chin up, and keep talking to us all. Not long now until your scan and whilst I know you feel like you won't make it, and you can't do it now, you will. I know that because I thought those things too.

Sending

I've just made a post, almost exactly the same as this. I hate feeling so paranoid, but I can't stop worrying that my scan is going to show bad news. Like you I have times where I think I've not bled significantly for a while, only brown and minor cramps so I can't have miscarried, but then I have times where I think I should be feeling more by now, and most of my symptoms have worn off and what if it's because something has happened? I've got 12 days until my next scan but it feels like 12 weeks.

You all sound exactly how i have felt this whole pregnancy. It feels like i take 1 step forward and then a few steps back. Everyone always says to me you'll be ok but you just dont believe it. When you have had a loss it opens your eyes to juist how often then seem to occur. Then i think being on sites like this opens you eyes to other problems that can occur. I love this siite and would be lost without it and its more positive than negitive on here. All i can say is once you have your 12 week scan then you must all try and relax. I have worried every day of my pregnancy and i feel like i have wasted the whole time. This is meant to be an exciting time for us. Yet i have had a rubbish time. I only finished buying for my girl yesterday and i still havnt packed my hospital bag and im having a section in 6 days. My Oh got all her new stuff out and i felt like i shouldnt incase something happens aaaaggghhhh.

All i can say is worring or not worring isnt gonna stop something bad from happening so you (and me) have got to enjoy every day.

it's so hard to be positive after a loss i completely understand and feel u hun, only thing we can do is try believe this is our time and hope hope hope! sending u lots of love

I know how you feel, and again know nothing anyone says will help ease that worry.

My oh is a natural worrier where he wont let himself think anything good will happen in case it wont - so I dont think he will really acknowledge this pregnancy or baby until its here!

I think I am going to have to make a hard decision to try not to come on here, I will still go to the ttc after a loss, but I think reading the things on here etc. just worsen my feeling of loosing this baby, or it being poorly etc. I think I need to get myself a hobby and try to push this pregnancy to the back of my mind for as long as possible - which doesnt sound too healthy, but is what works for me. Detaching my brain if you like lol so I can concentrate on not feeling the stress etc.

I do keep trying to tell myself at least I am pregnant and in with a chance - the anticipation of wondering if you will ever get pregnant is really awful in itself, so I try to focus on that and tell myself the hard part of physically getting pregnant is over, now its a waiting game, but to be thankful of having a chance. Although those positive thoughts never last long!

On the other hand I could just play ignorant and keep telling myself all will be fine, but then I feel like I would picture the future more and be more devastated if the worst happens again!

It really is hard after a loss

ahh crikey, I could have written that myself only a few short weeks ago. I've had 2 MC's and for the whole 40 weeks I felt exactly the same, I had convinced myself that
a) before 12 weeks the scan would show he'd gone
b) at 20 weeks the scan would show that he had something awful
c) I wouldnt make it past viability
d) Then he would be stillborn

So after each milestone I gave myself something more awful to worry about, I'd be dammned if I could stop myself from thinking these awful thoughts, after about 28 weeks I forced myself to say out loud two positive thoughts after every negative one I thought.. It helped,only a little. OH told me on a million-times basis not to worry and it would all be ok, but how could he know? it felt like entiely my burdon..

unfortuantly the stress and worry never went away, but trying to combat it helped a little. When LO finally arrived (after me demanding a monitor so I could hear his heartbeat in labour - then freaking when it dropped with every contraction (which is normal) he came into the world.

He got put on my chest and I looked into his eyes, he wasnt crying, so I assumed the worst, when they said he was fine the shock was intense - id convinced myself he wouldnt make it..

I cant say to not worry, or that it will get better, just try to have some faith in "insert your belief here" even if you dont have any faith in yourself/your body.
xxxx

I feel every word you wrote Mrs Doddy. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hang on in there brave ladies.