I feel like a complete failure as a mother.
I cant handle when he cries and cries and I dont know whats wrong with him. I have just been crying myself. I feel so rundown and tired. Im not getting along with OH at all. I hate living where I do, with him and his mum. I love my baby more than anything in the world but I cant help getting angry with him when he keeps spitting his dummy out literally every 30 seconds when Im trying to sleep. Then he screams and screams and wont stop and nothing I do will stop him. I dont want to be angry with him because I love him so much but I just cant handle it
OH basically said to me yesterday that Im a shit mother and that I wouldnt cope if I was alone. I really dont want to kiss or even be near my OH.
Ive had the worst new years eve ever.
I dont know what to do. Everything seems to be going wrong. I really need to move out for a start but if OH doesnt move with me how the hell am I gonna cope alone?!
Its so rough, isn't it? Your OH should be more supportive than that. Tell him to try it 24/7 by himself because he probably doesn't do nearly as much as you do! Men are so insensitive towards pregnancy and motherhood sometimes.
I know it is difficult figuring out what they need. I don't know if you've heard of this or not, but you should buy/download torrent of Dunstan Baby Language. I have the DVDs and it has helped so much. There are 5 sounds babies make for different things. Renah makes all the same sounds and they're spot on every time. It really just makes my life a lot easier. It won't stop them crying but at least you'll have some idea of what he's crying for.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it. I don't know if I'm right, but the first few weeks seem like the hardest. Not only having to readjust to being a Mum but also coping with everything your LO demands. I've been feeling very similar too, so you're not alone. I'm up with Niamh now because every time I put her down she's crying. She's not due a feed, but I decided to give her some anyway and that's finally settled her, plus being in her rocker.
You are in no way a failure as a Mum, and you can get through these first few weeks.
So sorry had to check dinner and the baby went to town on the keyboard
I'm sorry! You are NOT a failure as a mom, you were just thrown into this completely different world and both you and your baby have to adjust. It will take awhile to figure out cries and all that but you WILL. Something that might help with nighttime is cosleeping, I know alot of people are against it but I'm all for it and there is even evidence that if done safely (don't go to sleep taking any meds that might make you sleep heavier, or drinking, no fluffy bedding, dont put them on a pillow) that it is even safer than crib sleeping because the baby regulates their breathing with yours and other reasons. But even if he keeps waking up because he spits his paci out he's right there so atleast you can both get more sleep and he will probably sleep even better up against you. You can always wean him off it in a month or two or however long you want to, some people say its really hard but with my 2 boys I coslept with it wasn't hard at all to get them into their own beds
Rae - that video is amazing. I recognise all those cries. Thank you for that. x
Rafwife - its good to know Im not alone. I have a feeling i might have PND though cuz I just read a leaflet on it that the HV gave me today and I have all the symptoms/indications listed on there
Mommyof3co - Thank you. Im scared of co sleeping but sometimes if hes crying Ill lay him in our bed (when were both awake) and he'll sleep fine though. But Im afraid of falling asleep with him there.
I hear alot of people say that and really when they are there it's like you sense it, you just know they are there. But do whatever feels most comfortable to you Things will get better
It will get better....it will. I coslept with my son in what was called a snuggle nest, and it had hard padded sides so we could not roll over him and it went at the head of the bed between me and my husband. It was fabulous. He slept so well in it. I could scoot him down and breastfeed him without getting out of bed which was great since I had a c-section. Plus, if you think you may have PND you need to get checked. There are such great treatments available to make you feel better and also, smack your OH for me. What an ass. good luck, hope it gets better soon.
Rafwife - its good to know Im not alone. I have a feeling i might have PND though cuz I just read a leaflet on it that the HV gave me today and I have all the symptoms/indications listed on there
I can't remember if you read my thread in the girly sanctuary, but you are definitely not alone. I'm always here if you want to talk, even if you just need to use someone as a sounding board. I'll drop you a PM with my mobile number too so you can text if you want. Us girls need to stick together xx
pay no attention to ur OH. it can be tough sometimes when we dont know whats wrong with the baby. it can be hard as well with the sleep deprivation if ur baby is waking up often but dont worry , dont despair, he will learn that the night is the night and then hopefully he'll sleep longer. If u get into a routine for when its bed time , ie mayb bath him, turn the lights of when in the room hes sleeping in and a feed with no noise. he will eventually get used to it. i know it feels like it may never happen that he sleep well but he will learn. babies are amazing at how fast they learn and develop. and hopefully u will feel so proud that youve done a good job of teaching him etc. As for the OH, tell him to take over for a day and see what he'll be like. he shoudl be supportive, it wont help to have comments like that so please talk to someone who will listen and help rather than criticise u !
also remember your may have wind or even colic. he may be that hes just hungry. just make sure u give him a full feed before bed time, changed nappy etc so that it will help u eliminate what might be wrong. remember all babies are different and it may take a few little weeks to understand ur baby's patterns.
Things will get better
good luck, hope it gets better soon.
