Sex after giving birth (maybe tmi?)

AppleBlossom · Sep 14th, 2008, 14:20 PM

Grace is now 2.5 months old and I'm still having a problem. OH was off sex and I think he still is but we do occasionally do it. Since she was born, obviously it's been a bit 'looser' down there but I've been doing my pelvic floor excercises and when we do have sex I try as hard as I can do squeeze together (lol) but OH will be going for ages, all sorts of ways, fast slow, whatever. But it doesn't work

I apologise and he says it's ok but I'm starting to think that that might be part of the reason why he doesn't want to have sex. Is there anything else I can do to make it better or am I forever to be a 'loose woman?'

Kracker · Sep 14th, 2008, 15:28 PM

I am trying to phrase this as best I can, my son is 8 weks old and I have been having sex for a few weeks. I feel that I am loose down there but hubby says that it doesn't feel any different to him. Perhaps it is not you but a pschologocal problem of your OH's. I have never done my pelvic floor exersizes, (naughty girl), what about trying other types of sex for a while as you can please each other without intercourse and it may be a way of breaking the ice or taking off the pressure.
Have you talked about this with him?

AppleBlossom · Sep 14th, 2008, 15:32 PM

We've talked about why he's off sex and he says he doesn't know, he's just off everything to do with it. I personally think it's the stress of starting his new job and having to work a lot to pay bills etc. I just feel useless because even though he's off it, he does still occasionally try and then nothing happens! It does feel slightly different to me though so I know that must be the reason he isn't, y'know... lol

Kracker · Sep 14th, 2008, 15:43 PM

It feels different to me aswell, I think mine must be like the outside of a sausage roll and I was reallt scared the first time that OH wouldn't get much from it. I asked him while he was there (sorry) if it felt big and he said no. Good luck bird xx

Beltane · Sep 14th, 2008, 16:13 PM

It's been a long time but I remember after having my son, I waited a very long time.. maybe 5 months before I even tried. It seemed I was like a virgin again. You might try sticking to oral sex and allow your muscles to heal and go back to where they once were. Good Luck.

BurtonBaby · Sep 15th, 2008, 00:31 AM

I had a C so I'm not sure about this problem, but maybe like the other girls said, get him off by oral first. If that doesn't work for him, then it probably is more a mental thing for him than anything. I'm sure things will get back to the way they used to be soon for you.

ricschick · Sep 15th, 2008, 04:47 AM

i think it doesnt have anything to do with you i think he maybe having a problem finishing because he is consentrating on it to much if he relaxed and just went with the flow he would be fine. maybe have a nice night out together and hve a few drinks and dont mention it then hopefully when ya get home he will be more relaxed and everything will fall into place. good luck.

carries · Sep 15th, 2008, 04:58 AM

Its really not that uncommon for men to go off sex after childbirth but it rarley lasts forever. It can be a mix of aniety about the responsibility of being a father, seeing their partner as a mother rather than a lover, stress about work and money etc...

All I can say is try not to stress about it. Maybe just accept that its off the menu for a while and see what happens. The bigger deal that is made about it the less likely he is to feel like doing it. Im sure its nothing to do with your lady bits hun, I know its hard but try to forget about it for a while and see what happens. As long as there is still some intimacy I wouldnt be too worried at this point xx

Serene123 · Sep 15th, 2008, 05:00 AM

I'm pretty sure I'm tighter now and it hurts soooo bad sometimes, but my OH is still off sex (even before we started arguing yesterday), and I was feeling pretty down about it too.

kerry2009 · Sep 15th, 2008, 05:00 AM

You have to remember that having a baby also effects a man in ways we don't realise. Just give him time. He will feel differently towards you, you are now the mother of his child and it may just be that he needs longer to get over the fact that his baby came from down there

Sep 14th, 2008, 14:20 PM	#1
AppleBlossom Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Liverpool, UK Posts: 25,860	Sex after giving birth (maybe tmi?) Grace is now 2.5 months old and I'm still having a problem. OH was off sex and I think he still is but we do occasionally do it. Since she was born, obviously it's been a bit 'looser' down there but I've been doing my pelvic floor excercises and when we do have sex I try as hard as I can do squeeze together (lol) but OH will be going for ages, all sorts of ways, fast slow, whatever. But it doesn't work I apologise and he says it's ok but I'm starting to think that that might be part of the reason why he doesn't want to have sex. Is there anything else I can do to make it better or am I forever to be a 'loose woman?'

Status: Offline

Sep 14th, 2008, 15:28 PM	#2
Kracker Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 274	I am trying to phrase this as best I can, my son is 8 weks old and I have been having sex for a few weeks. I feel that I am loose down there but hubby says that it doesn't feel any different to him. Perhaps it is not you but a pschologocal problem of your OH's. I have never done my pelvic floor exersizes, (naughty girl), what about trying other types of sex for a while as you can please each other without intercourse and it may be a way of breaking the ice or taking off the pressure. Have you talked about this with him?

Status: Offline

Sep 14th, 2008, 15:32 PM	#3
AppleBlossom Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Liverpool, UK Posts: 25,860	We've talked about why he's off sex and he says he doesn't know, he's just off everything to do with it. I personally think it's the stress of starting his new job and having to work a lot to pay bills etc. I just feel useless because even though he's off it, he does still occasionally try and then nothing happens! It does feel slightly different to me though so I know that must be the reason he isn't, y'know... lol

Status: Offline

Sep 14th, 2008, 15:43 PM	#4
Kracker Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 274	It feels different to me aswell, I think mine must be like the outside of a sausage roll and I was reallt scared the first time that OH wouldn't get much from it. I asked him while he was there (sorry) if it felt big and he said no. Good luck bird xx

Status: Offline

Sep 14th, 2008, 16:13 PM	#5
Beltane Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2008 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 4,384	It's been a long time but I remember after having my son, I waited a very long time.. maybe 5 months before I even tried. It seemed I was like a virgin again. You might try sticking to oral sex and allow your muscles to heal and go back to where they once were. Good Luck.

Status: Offline

Sep 15th, 2008, 00:31 AM	#6
BurtonBaby Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: California Posts: 2,405	I had a C so I'm not sure about this problem, but maybe like the other girls said, get him off by oral first. If that doesn't work for him, then it probably is more a mental thing for him than anything. I'm sure things will get back to the way they used to be soon for you.

Status: Offline

Sep 15th, 2008, 04:47 AM	#7
ricschick Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Wonderland Posts: 6,004	i think it doesnt have anything to do with you i think he maybe having a problem finishing because he is consentrating on it to much if he relaxed and just went with the flow he would be fine. maybe have a nice night out together and hve a few drinks and dont mention it then hopefully when ya get home he will be more relaxed and everything will fall into place. good luck.

Status: Offline

Sep 15th, 2008, 04:58 AM	#8
carries Trying to conceive (TTC) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,984	Its really not that uncommon for men to go off sex after childbirth but it rarley lasts forever. It can be a mix of aniety about the responsibility of being a father, seeing their partner as a mother rather than a lover, stress about work and money etc... All I can say is try not to stress about it. Maybe just accept that its off the menu for a while and see what happens. The bigger deal that is made about it the less likely he is to feel like doing it. Im sure its nothing to do with your lady bits hun, I know its hard but try to forget about it for a while and see what happens. As long as there is still some intimacy I wouldnt be too worried at this point xx

Status: Offline

Sep 15th, 2008, 05:00 AM	#9
Serene123 Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 32,048	I'm pretty sure I'm tighter now and it hurts soooo bad sometimes, but my OH is still off sex (even before we started arguing yesterday), and I was feeling pretty down about it too.

Status: Offline

Sep 15th, 2008, 05:00 AM	#10
kerry2009 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: North west (UK) Posts: 90	You have to remember that having a baby also effects a man in ways we don't realise. Just give him time. He will feel differently towards you, you are now the mother of his child and it may just be that he needs longer to get over the fact that his baby came from down there

Status: Offline

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