I first got pnd after the birth of my daughter now 2 years & 7 months and me & oh nearly split up over it as neither of us understood what was happening. I think it was caused because after a traumatic pregnancy ( me & oh nearly split because he didn't know if he was ready to be a dad), then we never told anyone about it till I was about 6/7 months pregnant.

Everything seemed really rushed and I never really got my head around the fact that I was ACTUALLY going to have a baby, kind of blocked it out of my head, kind of in denial about it.

I was 2 weeks overdue with her, & after 3 failed attempts to be induced, I went into labour although the midwife didn't think I was. I was in labour for 2 days before I was told I would need an emergency c-section. After I was wheeled into recover I was just handed this baby and told she was mine. I was exhausted and still really heavily sidated from the morphine, epiduaral & general aneasetic (sp).

What made it even worst was that oh's parents were waiting outside 'to be the 1st to see her', like it's a competition. I was livid that I wasn't even give the chance to come to terms with the labour, surgery & actually becoming a parent.

From that moment I was never given any time to adjust to being a parent and never felt like I could fully bond with her as everytime I held her people took her off me so they could hold her & pass her around like a doll. Im quite shy & never really speak my mind, so basically just had to sit back & watch as the most important time I had in bonding terms was taken away from me.

When I got out of hospital it was the same, people telling me I should do this & that, instead of letting me find out what was right for me & oh. Oh's parents were always demanding we come up to see them & when I said I wasn't up for it the said I was stopping them see & BOND with their grandaughter! I eventually snapped & said I never wanted them to see her again & they wasn't welcome to ring or come over. I know it was the wrong thing to do know, but I was pushed to the edge. Its taken 2 years to get over it, or deal with it.

Basically, I'm worried it's coming back as I seem to want to cry all the time, not see people especially oh's parents, dread their phone calls which is daily. I'm dreading the birth (another c-section) I don't want anyone to come down until a couple of hours after the delivery as I NEED time to get over surgery & the fact I have 2 kids! Is this wrong????

Sorry for the long post & rant, just need your advise of what I should do, Im terrified that I'll get pnd all over again & me & oh will split for good.

Well you've had a traumatic experience and of course are scared it's going to go the same way .. expect now, you have experience. Now you know how things work you can stand up for your self and speak out about what you want.

If your in laws want to act like a couple of spoiled brats, then let them. Don't let their toxic attitude upset YOU. This is YOUR baby. You have a right to say WHO and when you want them to be held. If you want bonding time after birth, then tell the nurses, no visitors for the first day. The In Laws are just going to have to understand and accept that fact.

You state, that the first week home, you would NOT like visitors as you need time to adjust and get to know your baby. Anyone who gets moody and begrudges you that, is frankly a fuck nut and selfish.

As for Pnd, if you're worried .. go talk to your DR. As you have an history of it, they need to keep an eye on you. They can start you on anti depressants before the baby is born. Now the baby is essentially developed its a bit safer, plus they have antidepressants that are safe for pregnancy. (Obviously by the guidance of your DR)

There's obviously something going on, because other wise you'd not feel like this, you're catching it early, that's a GOOD thing.

mama