not sure if i'm posting to the right place but i wish my husband would help out more with our 12week old daughter!! just need to have a rant!
when my daughter was born i was breastfeeding, after a few weeks i was struggling with lack of sleep, loss of appetite and was generally unwell. my mum and i thought it best to change to formula feeding which was and still is working well. although i feel extremely guilty for not giving my daughter the best milk...however...
when i changed to formula feeding my husband told me that it was good coz he could help out more with feeding aswell as changing...PAHHH!!!
i feel like i do everything. i dont get a break unless i nag nag nag nag!! we're constantly arguing and i feel like a single mum.
if he is working during the day, when he comes home the first place he goes is the the computer or PS3, never the baby! feel like i'm going round in circles. we have had discussions abt how this isnt working and everytime we talk he says he'll change. what he doesnt understand is that i need space too! just and hour to do my own thing. dnt get me wrong i love looking ater my little girl but would get on better if i was single knowing i wasnt getting help than being in a relationship expecting it, but it never comes!
what can i do to make him help out more?
just so unhappy just now. feel it would be best if we split!

My god are you describing my life!!! lol the only way i got through to DH was one day said oh im off to get my hair cut and go round town you'll have to watch LO. He soon learnt just how much i do!!! But i cant stress how important comunication is when a LO is involved!! Cos we just stopped talking!! I developed PND at 10 weeks PP and it all went to pot luckily now after ALOT of talking we're back on track she's now 7 months and he is still a lazy sack of tatties at times but he is so much better than before! xx

Also about the splitting up bit i felt exactly the same i told DH i wanted a divorce at one point i didnt see the point in it all cos like you i said if i was a single mum at least i would know i was doing it all alone! Aw hunny i really feel for you youre going through just what i was. Huge hugs to you!! Have you told OH youre thinking of splitting? xx

P.s PS3's should be used for target practice!!!! xx

Instead of talking about it, I would show him how hard it is to look after a baby. I think my husband thought I sat around cuddling Leyla, eating chocolate and watching tv all day while he's at work, until he took two weeks holiday and saw what really happens during the day! After that (where I had him do all the babycare for a whole day and night at a time) he realised that it's more draining than going out to work, so when he comes home from work it's me that needs the rest not him!

Maybe ask him if he would do all the caring for your LO for a whole day and night (at the weekend?), as well as anything else you normally do like housework. You just do what he does - have some cuddles and fun time with your LO but don't do any feeds or nappies or anything. If the reason he doesn't help more is because he thinks it's easy, he'll soon learn different.

I felt very alone before we got things sorted. I'm far from my family who would have helped otherwise, and I honestly did feel like a single mum to TWO kids - LO and OH. It's much better now though, so I hope you can sort something out too. Once he realises that being a mum during the day is as hard as working out of the home, perhaps he'll agree to split the stuff when he's home more equally.

I'd do that as well.Try to get him to look after your LO to see how hard it is. I remember getting into arguments early hours of the morning with my other half at first, as I felt so tired and just wanted him to feed her just once during the night. Eventually we took it in turns like shift work and he came to realise- yes it is knackering and hard work looking after a lo.When I get chance to go out shopping for 1/2 hrs which isn't often at all- he still rings me to ask me how long he should heat her food for and everything so he knows that it's not as easy at what he first thought! plus once when I went to meet a friend before christmas he ordered a take away as he says " I didn't get a minute to cook anything" which made me laugh as I thought "yep now you know how I juggle making tea sometimes when you're still at work!" let him know how it's making you feel and make him listen:0) hope things get better for you!

We did what another poster did...take shifts with the night feedings. It worked really well...I went to bed at 10:00 and got up 4 am so that we were both getting on average, about 6-6.5 hours of sleep. That way, neither of us felt that one was pulling more weight than the other.

But I remember after Vi was born, when I was home for maternity leave, how difficult it was to even get my teeth brushed, let alone clean or do anything other than her laundry. He worked in the evenings, and gave me SUCH grief about cleaning the house, doing dishes (what dishes? I didn't even have time to eat anything that wasn't a cracker!). No empathy at all in regard to how much it takes to actually care for a child. Men seem to have that misconception...that it's somehow "cake". So, he lost his job in October, and is home now, full time with the little one, and I'm the one at work all day...a few days ago, he admitted that it was really tough trying to "do it all" and take care of our daughter. I never let on about his unfair remark, but thought: "touche you jerk!"

I would simply say to your guy, "Let's make a pact...before either of us sits down to relax, let's make sure everything is done that needs to get done." That way, ps3 or whatever is more of a reward, than a given. And, if you need to, make a schedule of responsibilites. 3 nights during the week, he gives the baby a bath, the other 3 you, and one day off for both. Whatever. Make it a happy medium. I can guarantee you'll still end up doing more because that's what women do (typically) but it will feel like he's doing something, at least, and maybe alleviate the tension between you.

Go out and leave him with the baby.
My OH is pretty good, but sometimes he turns into a baby when he gets home from work, wondering when he gets dinner, etc. If we get into an argument, he'll wonder why I can't keep the house cleaner or why we eat so many pre-made meals (eg frozen lasagna or something) when we should be eating a healthier meal. Who has and hour to make a delicious, nutritious meal? I wish I did, but frankly I'm in survival, not luxury mode.
So every few weeks I'll leave him with both my LO's, who are VERY close in age, so he can deal with dinner and my oldest's bedtime while keeping Vincent happy and well. Then he can see for himself what I go through during the day.
He's usually more understanding after that.

Yep i would second all the advice above. Go out for a day and leave the baby with your husband (dont leave everything all ready for him e.g. bottles ect coz they rely on us too much to do things and the only way they will learn is to actually do it themselves and plan ahead for what they need!). My husband was just like yours with our 1st baby and didnt really help too much - never offered to anything but grudgingly did bottles ect if asked. however, when baby starts getting bigger and sitting up and becoming more amusing they seem to get more interested and involved. Were now onto our 3rd baby and he has helped lots with her and does bottles etc without being asked though he still wouldnt just pick her up and cuddle her if she wasnt being fed etc. I think its a man thing and they find small babies boring or if its their first a bit overwhelming and may not feel confident wth them. So again, the only way for him to learn and see how much work a baby is is for u to leave her with him and let him get on with it.

my oh did f all for zane when he was first born and for him to even help id have to shout at him, until one day i flipped after dealing with his lazy ass for 7 months i told him i cant do it all and its his baby too and that if he cant help without being asked then i wont be around at all and went to my mums.

now this is a extreme way of dealing with it lol but since then if he slips back and stops helping i sit down and talk to him, its not easy doing everything for the baby when ohs not around n then for them to come home and not help its very unfair.

tell ur oh exactly how u feel and if he doesnt start helping u more then go for the extreme

good luck

i know how you feel my OH is the same, i express 2 times a day so i can have a 'good' nights sleep every once and a while but he doesnt he spends most his time on the computer like there is 3 of us in this releationship

i just shout at him i know its not healthy for us but it the only way i can get through to him
i think you try and talk to him and turn the water works on and make him understand what its like