Anyone else have one?

Its been 8 days and even thinking about it makes me well up still, i feel like im being a cow when i say i dont wanna talk about it but i just cant..

Mine wasn't traumatic as such, but it wasn't how I wanted it (I planned a home water birth, ended up with a hospital bed bound birth, I fainted, Halen had a clip on his head and I had one of them horrible pulse monitors on my finger and a contraction strap around my belly)

I still cry at how it turned out and how much I hate my midwife for messing it all up for me, all I can think is if she had done her job properly and sorted the homebirth out instead of leaving it until 39+4 to do the risk assessment, then I would of have my dream birth with no medical invention.

So not the same, but I understand how you feel

Mine was not at all what i planned, i had hoped for a water birth but as it was my BP was getting high and blood platelets low so they decided to induce me at 38 weeks - i only went in on tuesday for blood tests and they kept me in and induced me on the wed, the contractions started initially and then after having some pethedine to sleep that night they stopped again, so i then had 2 more lots of the induction drugs after being told they were short staffed so would need to wait, then the contractions kicked in again at 2am on the friday morning and all was going well until they manually broke my waters and ouch that was agony so i was then desperate for an epidural which itself didnt work properly and had to keep being topped up.
I spent most of the time strapped upto the CTG and on the bed for the next 21 hours with several examinations when they finally sussed i was fully dilated - it took them by complete surprise and they only realised when i was getting pains again and they thought they better check before getting someone to top up the epidural again... so then i had an hour of pushing only for them to tell me she was now back to back and not planning on coming out easily so they took me to theatre and tried the ventrouse before realising that wasnt working and giving me an emergency section.

Its a real shame as i was feeling really positive about giving birth before hand, now i am quite scared to attempt a natural birth for my next as i only have 60% chance of it happening and whoever says the pain instantly is forgotten, lied as even now 2 weeks later i still remember it all but it was all worth it as my daughter is perfect and she was born happy and healthy and i cant fault the midwives who helped me, they were lovely its just one of those things

I didn't have what other people would consider a traumatic birth but it was most definitely not what I wanted or planned and I still cry about it now if I think about it too much. For the first few weeks after Leyla was born, I used to go for a long soak in the bath every night and have a good cry. My husband nearly stopped me having baths because he thought they were upsetting me too much (!) but actually, I think it really helped. If I didn't have my daily cry, I would get panic attacks... it was just horrible. What really helped me was to write it all down. It was good to get it out and then my husband asked if he could read it. I think he was quite shocked - he had no idea I felt how I do about it and he was a lot more supportive after that.

I hope you find a way of making yourself feel better. If you think you're feeling worse than you should, maybe try talking to your health visitor or doctor about it and they could offer some suggestions.

I had a traumatic birth, and it made me cry whenever i thought about it. I did say to my OH yesterday that it no longer seems that traumatic, and i read through my birth story on here, looking at it from my view now, and it was so much easier to revisit. Dont get me wrong i am going to try and do an elective c section next time, as i cant go through all that again, but the memory definitely faded for me.

Mine was very traumatic. I typed it out on here a few days ago and I'll find it and copy and paste it here soon.

16 months on, I still have nightmares about it. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. It was horrible.

Here it is -
I was in labour for 18 hours and got to 9cm's when the docs decided I needed a c-section. I had an epidural beforehand (after 9 hours of labour and a LOT of pain) which conveniently stopped working when I was in theatre. I could feel every cut, and I felt sick, dizzy, faint, I told them it hurt but no one listened. By the time they took noticed I was crying and hysterical. I don't remember Tegan actually being born - I only remember the pain, and shaking, and not being able to move or have ANY pain relief afterwards for 36 hours. I had a major bleed when I was on the table and lost half of the blood in my body. I got an infection and needed a chest x-ray. Honestly, it was the worst thing I have ever been through.

Unluckily for me, I had no choice but to be on my feet and walking when Tegan was 3 days old, as she was in hospital until she was eight weeks old. I was back in hospital when she was 6 days though, I was so ill, with a headache so bad I couldn't stand up and I kept falling asleep/passing out sat in the chair beside Tegans bed. I spent a month on really really strong painkillers and antibiotics.

I still can't talk about mine. When people ask about it I just say it didn't go very well and I'd rather not talk about it. I don't care if people think I'm awkward or whatever, I'd rather not end up crying in front of people, which is inevitable.

I find it worse however hearing or reading about people's good/easy births, because I have no choice, and usually have to listen.

I hope it gets easier at some point, but can't see it happening anytime soon, I think I maybe have to have the birth I want, which may never happen now, before I begin to accept it.

Any birth where you dont have the outcome you dreamed of can have lasting effects. I knew of one woman who was so fixated on having an epidural that she was terribly affected by her speedy, natural delivery. You went through a very hard ordeal to get your little one here, and you should be proud that you got through it x

Not so much the birth but things that happened after. I'm still pained by having to have a section, it's really hard to convey to people the sense of loss I feel over it and the BF problems we're having afterwards. People assume I feel I've failed somehow but I don't, I feel cheated simple as that and it's no ones fault.

Huge