I know this is going to be really unimportant but i really need to get this out and have advice.

Im really struggling to make up my mind about having another baby, one day i want another one more than anything, hte next i find myself thinking, i must be mad to want another!

yesterday i wanted one more than anthing, even managed to talk jase out of having the op and just trying untill we catch, i planned the whole thing in my mind, home birth, etc etc. but today im having a, i must be mad day and im not sure if i do want another.

I would love a girl, there is no deniying that and i do love being a mum so much, its what keeps me going..... but then today im thinking, Adam is such a joy to be around, i dont want to spoil that by having another baby so soon.

Then right after that my mind kicks in and said, it will be ok, this is what you are good at.

Its like my mind is in 2 halves fighting each other and i have no say in it, does that even make sense? i sound crazy dont i lol

I would love to train to be a nurse, i have got a passion for it since Adam was in hospital, but there is no way i can do that anytime soon coz of Adam and Coby being so young, so another baby would push that back even further!

But then i think, there is no point in trying to be a nurse, with my tattoos i would never get a job coz i want to do pediatric nurseing, so i might as well have another baby and be happy.

Agghhh! seroiusly guys, i feel like my head is going to explode, i really dont know what to do.

We were going to do the fate thing, but then i find myself thinking, what if i dont catch before his op works, i will be gutted, then i think, sod it, just do it and what will be will be. i just cant decide!

Jase is down at the mo too and im worried i might be putting ot much pressure on him, so again, do i just let him have the op and accept no more children for me? or so i trust my feelings when i have days when i really do want another child.

i am rambling so much, sorry, i know what i want to say but its hard to get it out, my head is so confused right now.

Any thoughts?

x

Argh what a head mash for you hun
After i had Jack i had the same feelings swamping me
Me and Ant decided 2 was it, but i would look at Jack and burst into tears, thinking this is it i'm never gonna hold a tiny baby again.

But then the next day i was like i can never do this again!!!

I mean Adam is only 2 1/2 months so your hormones will still be a bit up in the air

I don't reall y have much advice for you babe
But could Jase postpone the Op until you get your head around it?
What are Jase's feelings?

Jase says he would love to have more children but he doesnt know if its a good idea or fair on the ones we already have

His argument is time, we wouldnt have enough time to spend with each child one on one, hoildays would be more expensive and harder and he doesnt want Charlie, Ethan, Coby and Adam to miss out on things.

I can totaly see his point (today, coz im having a i dont want one day lol) to have another would be really selfish of me and thats not fair, i need to put everyone else first.....but then my mind just kicked in and said...yeah but i really do want another, agghh! i cant win

x

I go through a similar thing every month that the arrives. I sometimes get a sense of relief.

Part of me things that we're not exactly loaded at the minute, so would struggle moneywise with another. Kayleigh would have to move into the box room and Charlie would have to share. But then another part of me looks at familes with more kids and is really envious. I even have days when I'm jealous of the McQueen family on Holyoakes!!!!

What you're feeling is natural Layla. If you are having these doubts though, why don't you put off Jase's op for a bit? A guy at work has just gone through the agony of a reversal that hasn't worked.

well in the last 5 mins my thinking has been this....

Jase has known me longer pregnant than not, we have only been together 3 years, i think maybe we should work towards getting more us time instead of having another baby, we have a baby sitter at last so we can start to go out together etc.

Also, im a big beliver in fate etc, and i just thought, if i was meant to have another girl then i would of, so it must be for a reason.

We have always said we would like to foster in the future so i think thats the way to go maybe.... stop having children, enjoy them, over the next few years spend more time with jase, get sorted and go back to work and then if we still feel the same then we can look in to fostering in 10 years time or something.

x

Firstly - love that avatar

And what youve just said seems a really good idea (fostering) if you can be happy in yourself and Jase can be too. Is maybe the fact that you have been pregnant most of the time a comfort and maybe you know that being pregnant works for you and Jase, does that make sense lol? Your a great mum so if you had another LO you wouldnt leave the others out.

Sorry if that all crap Ive got morning mum brain and Im trying to type what Im thinking but its not happening

xx

Do you know, i didnt even think of that but it makes perfect sence!

Me and Jase got together in Feb and in May i was pregnant! and pretty much have been ever since, i had apregnancy inbetween Coby and Adam that didnt work out.

Maybe thats it? maybe subconsously im worried in case Jase doesnt like the REAL me, coz when im pregnant im alot diffrent to when im normal lol

hmm thats defenitly given me something to think about, thanks

x

As long as it helps

xx

I'd cancel the op for now and just use contraception until you decide what to do maybe? He can always go for the op at a later date if you's decide you don't want another baby, bit harder getting reversal if you change your minds. Theres no rush to have another baby so soon? Enjoy being back to your normal unpregnant self for a while and time with Adam as a baby for now.

If it's any help I have days when I'm in tears feeling broody beyond belief. I plan how it's going to be a perfect pregnancy, amazing homebirth and that I'll cope wonderfully with my brood. But deepdown I know I'd never cope and it's nice just getting sorted with my two. I'm sure that there are dodgy hormones to blame for being broody all the time!