I know this is going to be really unimportant but i really need to get this out and have advice.
Im really struggling to make up my mind about having another baby, one day i want another one more than anything, hte next i find myself thinking, i must be mad to want another!
yesterday i wanted one more than anthing, even managed to talk jase out of having the op and just trying untill we catch, i planned the whole thing in my mind, home birth, etc etc. but today im having a, i must be mad day and im not sure if i do want another.
I would love a girl, there is no deniying that and i do love being a mum so much, its what keeps me going..... but then today im thinking, Adam is such a joy to be around, i dont want to spoil that by having another baby so soon.
Then right after that my mind kicks in and said, it will be ok, this is what you are good at.
Its like my mind is in 2 halves fighting each other and i have no say in it, does that even make sense? i sound crazy dont i lol
I would love to train to be a nurse, i have got a passion for it since Adam was in hospital, but there is no way i can do that anytime soon coz of Adam and Coby being so young, so another baby would push that back even further!
But then i think, there is no point in trying to be a nurse, with my tattoos i would never get a job coz i want to do pediatric nurseing, so i might as well have another baby and be happy.
Agghhh! seroiusly guys, i feel like my head is going to explode, i really dont know what to do.
We were going to do the fate thing, but then i find myself thinking, what if i dont catch before his op works, i will be gutted, then i think, sod it, just do it and what will be will be. i just cant decide!
Jase is down at the mo too and im worried i might be putting ot much pressure on him, so again, do i just let him have the op and accept no more children for me? or so i trust my feelings when i have days when i really do want another child.
i am rambling so much, sorry, i know what i want to say but its hard to get it out, my head is so confused right now.
Any thoughts?
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hey layla how ya doing hope u r well i know how u feel hun i feel like i want another baby in the future but ive been sterilised now so the choice is gone but then i sit and think how lucky i am to have had 4 beautiful children when some ladies dont get the chance to have one also another thing is when they r all grown up i can go out and ave a pint with them as i wont be ancient just yet lol its like u cant explain it though i know it would be silly to have another but on the other hand cant help but feel sad knowing i dont have the choice anymore so i know where u r coming from
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