I decided to leave Ewan last week..He finally pushed me too far..1st of all it was his night shift to look after Oliver and he had a friend round who stayed over till early hours of the morning. Well Ollie woke at 1 for a feed and Ewan never came up to feed him..I realised that the xbox was on so loud he couldnt hear him crying. So i fed him.
Few hours later Ollie wakes for another feed. I wait for Ewan to get up and see to him and he doesnt. I tell him Oliver needs a feed and he replies he can wait cus he needs some sleep cus hes so tired!!! I feed him. Next morning im furious that he was willing to ignore his sons cries! He moans that hes just tird. How dare he! He cant be that tired when he was ok to play xbox til 2AM! Its me that should be tired having to stay up with Oliver all night cus of his tummy aches!
2ndly he still has no patience with Ollie..when he cries he moans about it and shouts back at him..Obviosuly all this does is frighten my poor boy!
3rdly I went to go visit family at the weekend and Ewan went to visit some friends. Neither of us drive so this ment i had to get a train and then a bus...Well we have an old fashioned style pram..I had 4big bags with me and Oliver and was on my own...I was hoping Ewan would offer to come with me then get his friends to pick him up later..but he didnt. There was no lift to the platform at the station so i had to ask thse guys to help carry pram downt the stairs! And when i got to the bus, well the pram was too wide to get it on! I couldnt fold it cus i had Ollie to hold plus 4bags and not one person offerd to help me! So we ended up stranded in leicester in the cold and rain..Oliver screaming for a feed and nappy change. Now i know this wasnt his fault. Thers nothin he could of done cus he wasnt there..but thats the problem. He shudda been there. He and his mates say i am in the wrong, that if i wanted him to come and help i shudda asked him in the beginning, but why should i always need to spell it out! Its obvious i wasnt gonna be able to get on the bus by myself! 4 hours later a family friend came and picked us up in her car which i wasnt happy about cus by that point i was feelin really poorly and Oliver has to go in the car without a car seat!
Another thing is when i told him im leaving he never tried to convince me to stay which hurt..Infact when i was trying to explain how i felt he took the piss! Then he wonders why i wanna leave and why i feel he doesnt want me!
He also embarressed me when we stayed over my parents house. He got up to do Ollies 8am feed and i got up with him to give him a hand..Ewan turned around and said oh well if your up u can feed him, im goin back bed! This was infront of my mum. He then stayed in bed till 12! At my mums house!! How rude!
He is never happy..he always looks really miserable and to be honest im sick of it cus its makin me miserable too! He doesnt undertand what hes done wrong, he thinks its all my doing. I hate feelin like this, i feel really ill and cant stop crying, Im really scared of hurting Oliver.
In the end i decided to stay because Ewan broke down in tears and literally begged me not to go sayin he cant live without us etc. But im scared nothins gonna change. and im worried for the sake of my son.
This is breakin my heart. x
x
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