but how do you deal with a boss who isn't supportive?
I told my boss what happened (sent an email that stating I was having a difficult time with the news and would need a couple days off and would appreciate some privacy to grieve. If he needed me to email/text) and he emailed back that he was sorry, but it more like he had to say it than mean it. He called the next day to see when I was going back to work. When I called him back to tell him I was going to need a few days off he said okay than started questioning me, what happened, etc. I've only been at my job for 5 months and my boss is a man, so I'm not comfortable talking about such personal things, but especially right after and when I said I wasn't ready to discuss it. I was crying on the phone and it just wasn't comfortable. He said to be back at work on Monday. This was Friday, so Monday I'm back at work and he's calling me making sure I'm working, "not MIA" and asking me again how I'm dealing with it.
I feel like this is very insensitive and that he's making things much worse.
All this past week he's been calling making sure I was working and "riding me" which is making my life even more miserable because I feel like I'm supposed to be all normal again and I'm not. I didn't talk to him all Thursday and he sends an email that I'm not communicating enough with him and for me to call Friday am. I send a response and call him Friday as instructed but he didn't answer so I left a message and he never called back. Today (Sunday) I check my email as I had some computer work to finish and he sent me an email at 8am that I need to explain my low work volume and lack of communication last week and cc'd his boss as if he's trying to document my lack of performance/dedication.
I'm afraid that I'm going to get fired, and am now completely worried about trying to keep my job and also grieving over the loss of our baby. We feel that life starts at conception, so losing our baby is very hard. I worry that it will start a pattern like it has for so many other women, I worry if it was something I did, if there is something wrong with me, etc. Now I feel like I can't think about any of that because I can't screw up at all with my work.
help!

Hi sadgal, I am so sorry to hear that. That is incredibly insensitive of him! Surely you have 'explained yourself' (way more than you should have to) already. Is it possible to see your doctor and get any time as sick leave, even if just a week? Can you also talk to someone in personnel/HR confidentially to make sure they know you are abiding by your contract? I am not sure where you are based, but in the UK there are employment laws which include the right to paid sick leave.
I might even cc HIS boss in on any communication about it so that your boss can't attempt to pass any blame for his own incompetence at people management (maybe he's even screwing up and trying to pass the buck in his boss's eyes??)
It was nothing you did and you have NO reason to feel at fault. It is a very, very difficult and emotional time.
Good luck - you need to take care of yourself at this time.

I can't believe your boss is being so insensitive ...especially as you've told him what's happened - he shouldn't be asking for any more details. If you were off sick with the flu would he be harrassing you in the same way? I agree with ellie about ccing his boss in on anhy future communication, or is there someone above him that you can contact privately and explain the situation and his unreasonable behaviour?

So sorry he's treating you so badly x

I think it is appalling the way he is harrassing you. If you were in bed with flu and couldn't move then no doubt he'd leave you to it. I took two days off work and to be honest with you I didn't want anyone talking about it in work... so I asked them kindly not to mention it (or else I'd have burst into tears at any moment). You need to keep a note of what he is doing and definately keep his boss in on the loop. I hope you feel better soon. Sorry for your loss. You will get lots of support on here.

I'm so sorry for your loss I can't believe how insensitive and inappropriate your boss is being. Do you have an occupational health advisor, or could you talk to someone in HR? I completely understand that you may not want to do that, i am just trying to think of a way to let someone impartial know what is going on.

Obviously your boss doesn't have a clue, and like others have said- if you had flu he wouldn't be behaving like this. It is way out of order.

Please don't feel like you're taking 'too long' to grieve for your loss, or that you're the one in the wrong. Big hugs

iam so sorry for your loss hun he sounds like my ex boss i ended up walking out of my job when i was 4 months gone i just couldnt handle the his nasty comments i had a bleed at 6 weeks and thought i was m/c so i was in hospital over nite waiting for a scan the next morning when they released me the next day i called and explained AGAIN what had happened he said he wanted me bk in the next day with a note from the hospital so still bleeding i had to go bk to the hospital for the note the doctor was very concern as he had instructed me to rest for a week the next day i was bk in but it didnt end there i had horrible morning sickness and this one day he shouted at me when i came out of the toilets i burst out crying and he walked off the last straw was when i nearly collapsed at the table he was having a go again and i was trying to explain i was going to passs out but he wouldnt listen and carried on shouting so i sat on the floor and when the dizzyness passed i walked out and never went back some bosses have no sympathy towards their staff which is sad because if they did they would find people work harder when they get more respect xx

but what makes me happy now is that hes company went into administration shortly after i left x

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss and your boss is not making it any better!

Can you not go to your HR dept and ask for advice or at least let them know? If need be go to the dos and get signed off? I think when you are signed if they can't contact you to hassel you.

Perhaps keep a record of when he phones also do you have an itemised phone bill if so you can prove all the phone calls made to you and the ones where you've tried to contact him.

I honestly don't think he'd dare to fire youas to be honest I don't think he'd win if you were to sue!

I'm sorry hun, but have you been living my life...reason being, practically every word of what you have just wrote is what happened to me this last week at work!!

The only difference is that its been over 4 months since i lost our baby and last week my boss called me in and said how my work has been "slacking" in the last few months...i asked him to give me a proper reason for saying that my work was slacking. The orders have been done, everything is up to date but im "slacking" apparently!! I think my boss might have been trying to make me feel bad about the lack of orders we have had recently rather than the lack of work ive been doing!

As was said above, cc your higher boss the emails too and keep a copy of whatever you say...also if you decide to speak to him face to face you should take someone you trust with you for support.

I'd also like to say that i had 3 weeks off work following my m/c...and even then i wasnt totally ready to go back. maybe it could be an option to get signed off

hope things work out for you hun xxx

that is so terrible, i had two weeks off anfter my m/c but is was taken as holiday because of hassles at work. i think definately go to the docs and get signed off, hasn't got a leg to stand on then, he can't sack you for that.
keep your chin up what matters now is that you look after yourself. xxx