I just turned 30 on the 9th of January, I was really excited because I had just gotten married Two months before and I was pregnant, My new husband and I were so happy. I had a doctors appointment on my birthday and I was not prepared for what happened. After a while a speaking with the doctor, laughing and sharing stories, she starts my ultrasound. She precedes to tell me that I am 9 weeks pregnant and as she continues to search I'm noticing that I don't hear anything but dismiss it as her leaving the speaker off until the time is right. She finally tells me that she can't find a heartbeat, so she leaves the room and bring in one of her co workers, she says the same thing. Honestly I had a complete out of body experience, like this was happening to someone else, I really didn't know what to think I feel like maybe my showers were too hot or something in my house that I didn't realize was there, maybe it was something from my past, the doctor kept trying to reassure me that It was nothing I had done but in that moment I couldn't believe it, I'm still not sure I do. I feel damaged and now I've got extra weight that my husband is trying to convince me isn't there. I'm LOST, where do I go from here?.

I'm sorry. It was not your fault.

I understand I feel that way to..

Thankyou, I'm sorry you are going through this as well.

I'm so, so sorry.

I basically had a total meltdown after I heard the news at my ultrasound, sobbed and howled and literally couldn't move even to get up and dressed. And that was with me having been already worried and slightly suspecting something wasn't right... it must have been terrible to go from happy and laughing to hearing something like that. I am not surprised you feel confused and detached from the experience.

It is not your fault. I know it's hard to really believe that deep down, but as your doctors are saying, really, it sounds like there was absolutely nothing you could have done. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It is not your fault. Its normal to be feeling what you are. Only time will heal.

Thank you So much, I am so happy that I found this site because I have someone to talk to about the things i feel everyone else feels I should be over.

You found out on ten days ago - on your birthday - and people think you should be over it by now?! What's wrong with them? I only found out a day after you (the day after my father's funeral - not sure which of us has the more horrible timing there) and I'm barely hitting the point of being able to get up and dressed in the morning.

I know what you mean about this site though. It's kept me (more or less) sane, seriously.

I am so sorry for you loss sweetie. What you are feeling is how I've been feeling over the past week after finding out that I am miscarrying. Right now, I'm just plain angry because it seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or has a baby except me. I have been taking it day by day, but it still hurts like hell

Just know that this was not your fault and it's perfectly normal for you to be feeling the way that you are. Other people DON'T have the right to tell you how you should be feeling right now. Tell them to go fly a kite as far as I'm concerned It will get better in time. We are all here for support

So sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience late September last year - we'd also told a lot of our friends too since we were (also newlyweds) very excited. It's horrible to go through, and trying to decide how to manage the process (surgically, naturally, medically) are so tough when your heads not in the right space. We decided the only way we could regroup was by booking a holiday (we hadnt taken a honeymoon) to get away from everything, relax & think about trying again.

You must allow yourself to grieve after this, if you can take time off work then do, and don't be afraid to cry & talk it through with your DH too as he needs to understand what you're going though.

Big hugs xx

I totally understand as well. Went in for 1st scan on Dec 4th, 4 days before my 30th birthday. Got to see LO and hear heartbeat, it was so exciting and emotional, as I had had 2 m/c's already so to actually get to this point was remarkable. Went throught the Holidays celebrating and getting lil things for baby here and there. Went in for my 12 week scan on Jan 3rd. Same thing joking and laughing with the Dr, tried to find the heartbeat with a doppler but couldn't find it, even then I wasnt to concerned because I knew LO was still so tiny. Did a stomach u/s and the Dr said it looks really small, my heart dropped. I tired to hold it together, while they got set up for a transvaginal u/s. He said well here's the head and the heart....but I'm sorry there is no heartbeat and its was only measuring 8 weeks & 6 days. So I lost my baby 4 days after my 1st u/s and didn't know it for over a month. I completely lost it. Thank god my mom was there with me, but nothing could take away the pain of having to go home and wake up my husband to tell him.

I too am still struggling with the loss and it has been 2 weeks. I've told a few people that I feel like a failure. And I know that I'm not a failure that there was nothing I could've done differently, but that thought and feeling still haunts me no matter how hard I try and shove it out of my brain.

I believe that it will get better, but going through something like this does change you and your outlook. Some days are easier than others, and we will get there.

Sorry that got long winded! I'm so sorry for your loss and understand your pain completely! Here if you need to talk.....