Stillborn daughters ashes

Uvlollypop · Aug 8th, 2008, 09:46 AM

hiya, my daughter was still born in feb 07 and i decided to have her cremated. I have never done anything with the ashes im not sure quite what to do really. see with an adult you have some kind of idea of what the dead person wanted ie- scattered in the sea or some thing along those lines, but with a baby its not like that which makes it hard. i dont want to make a decision and look back to regret it in 5/10 years time.

another thing is i dont really have any emotional attachment to them at all if im honest and im not sure why because its whats left of my baby so i should feel some thing shouldn't i?

any other still birth mummys out there have any ideas?

im not really sure what i expect to come out of this thread its just a blah of a few things that arer going around in my head at the moment, i think its because my current pregnancy is approaching the gestation where it all went wrong for her....

anyway bye

xx

DaisyDuke · Aug 8th, 2008, 09:51 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be so difficult. Maybe scatter them somewhere important to you. Sorry i can't be much help, good luck with this pregnancy. XXX

jacky24 · Aug 8th, 2008, 09:53 AM

Hey hun, deep down you were waiting for me to reply i know it.

I still have CJ's ashes with me, i have made up a memory box, consisting of a dummy, the outfit he was going to wear after leaving the hospital, a toy and all his scan pic's and a book were me and OH wrote in our feelings and days after losing him and exactly how god spared his mommy and took him insteada funeral brochure and his hand and foot prints, and some things from my baby shower.

I am planning on keeping it with me till the day i die as i don't hold onto it but it was my first full term baby and it is trully a memory box.

It is a hard decision and alot of people told me to bury his ashes but a baby's place is with mommy and daddy that is how i feel about it.

Good luck and another thing, i will tell my future children about there baby brother that is living with our dear Lord one day, so i can show them and not just talk to them.

Uvlollypop · Aug 8th, 2008, 10:12 AM

thanks girls, its hard. a friend told me a baby should always be with its mother and keeping the ashes with me is doing that i guess.

I have a box like that jacky, the hospital bands registration certificate scans photos, photos of the funeral flowers/coffin etc James's daughter likes looking through it and asking questions its nice that she'll never be forgotten.

am thinking about writing my story down, have held back through fear of upsetting people but i think at the moment it might be a helpful bit of therapy

xx

JASMAK · Aug 8th, 2008, 10:27 AM

Good luck with whatever you decide. If you do decide to do something with the ashes, may I suggest you give yourself a space to "visit" her. Either bury the ashes, or perhaps donate a bench in a park etc. I know it's totally not the same, but when my Nana died, we scattered her ashes in the ocean (something she probably would have chosen herself), but, I now don't have that spot to "visit" her, and to lay flowers. Anyways, just an idea. I am very sorry for your loss. (hugs)

tansey · Aug 8th, 2008, 10:56 AM

So sorry about your loss and if it helps to tell your story you must.
It's difficult to know what to say regarding the ashes. A memory box sounds like a good idea but also don't you have to let go a little bit to let the new also into your life. What has your OH said about it? Does he have an opinion?

My only other idea is to think of something that makes you happy or 'feel' - the sun on your face, the rain, the wind whipping around you. If you scattered the ashes in a kind of environment that you can experience again you could remember baby in a good way.

Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

Uvlollypop · Aug 8th, 2008, 13:57 PM

my other halfs just happy to support what ever i want to do

tansey · Aug 8th, 2008, 14:00 PM

That's good.
Why don't you start by telling your story when you're ready. xx

Uvlollypop · Aug 8th, 2008, 14:08 PM

ill give it a go soon. my otherhalfs daughters here right now and i cant do anything without getting 50 questions lol

tansey · Aug 8th, 2008, 14:11 PM

Whenever you're ready

Aug 8th, 2008, 09:46 AM	#1
Uvlollypop Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: milton keynes Posts: 5,790	Stillborn daughters ashes hiya, my daughter was still born in feb 07 and i decided to have her cremated. I have never done anything with the ashes im not sure quite what to do really. see with an adult you have some kind of idea of what the dead person wanted ie- scattered in the sea or some thing along those lines, but with a baby its not like that which makes it hard. i dont want to make a decision and look back to regret it in 5/10 years time. another thing is i dont really have any emotional attachment to them at all if im honest and im not sure why because its whats left of my baby so i should feel some thing shouldn't i? any other still birth mummys out there have any ideas? im not really sure what i expect to come out of this thread its just a blah of a few things that arer going around in my head at the moment, i think its because my current pregnancy is approaching the gestation where it all went wrong for her.... anyway bye xx

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Aug 8th, 2008, 09:51 AM	#2
DaisyDuke Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: U.K Dorset Posts: 8,675	I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be so difficult. Maybe scatter them somewhere important to you. Sorry i can't be much help, good luck with this pregnancy. XXX

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Aug 8th, 2008, 09:53 AM	#3
jacky24 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: South Africa- Krugersdorp Posts: 3,807	Hey hun, deep down you were waiting for me to reply i know it. I still have CJ's ashes with me, i have made up a memory box, consisting of a dummy, the outfit he was going to wear after leaving the hospital, a toy and all his scan pic's and a book were me and OH wrote in our feelings and days after losing him and exactly how god spared his mommy and took him insteada funeral brochure and his hand and foot prints, and some things from my baby shower. I am planning on keeping it with me till the day i die as i don't hold onto it but it was my first full term baby and it is trully a memory box. It is a hard decision and alot of people told me to bury his ashes but a baby's place is with mommy and daddy that is how i feel about it. Good luck and another thing, i will tell my future children about there baby brother that is living with our dear Lord one day, so i can show them and not just talk to them.

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 10:12 AM	#4
Uvlollypop Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: milton keynes Posts: 5,790	thanks girls, its hard. a friend told me a baby should always be with its mother and keeping the ashes with me is doing that i guess. I have a box like that jacky, the hospital bands registration certificate scans photos, photos of the funeral flowers/coffin etc James's daughter likes looking through it and asking questions its nice that she'll never be forgotten. am thinking about writing my story down, have held back through fear of upsetting people but i think at the moment it might be a helpful bit of therapy xx

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 10:27 AM	#5
JASMAK Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: May 2008 Location: CANADA!!! Posts: 10,928	Good luck with whatever you decide. If you do decide to do something with the ashes, may I suggest you give yourself a space to "visit" her. Either bury the ashes, or perhaps donate a bench in a park etc. I know it's totally not the same, but when my Nana died, we scattered her ashes in the ocean (something she probably would have chosen herself), but, I now don't have that spot to "visit" her, and to lay flowers. Anyways, just an idea. I am very sorry for your loss. (hugs)

Status: Online

Aug 8th, 2008, 10:56 AM	#6
tansey Other BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Warwickshire Posts: 20,521	So sorry about your loss and if it helps to tell your story you must. It's difficult to know what to say regarding the ashes. A memory box sounds like a good idea but also don't you have to let go a little bit to let the new also into your life. What has your OH said about it? Does he have an opinion? My only other idea is to think of something that makes you happy or 'feel' - the sun on your face, the rain, the wind whipping around you. If you scattered the ashes in a kind of environment that you can experience again you could remember baby in a good way. Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 13:57 PM	#7
Uvlollypop Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: milton keynes Posts: 5,790	my other halfs just happy to support what ever i want to do

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Aug 8th, 2008, 14:00 PM	#8
tansey Other BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Warwickshire Posts: 20,521	That's good. Why don't you start by telling your story when you're ready. xx

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 14:08 PM	#9
Uvlollypop Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: milton keynes Posts: 5,790	ill give it a go soon. my otherhalfs daughters here right now and i cant do anything without getting 50 questions lol

Status: Offline

Aug 8th, 2008, 14:11 PM	#10
tansey Other BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Warwickshire Posts: 20,521	Whenever you're ready

Status: Offline

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