Hi Molly,

So sad to think that you have to go through these range of emotions. We have a counsellor at work and one day I was chatting to him over lunch and he got around to talking about the grieving process. He said that in general it takes about 5 years to grieve for a loved one and finally put your thoughts and feelings in a special place in your heart. I thought it was a lovely thing to say and it also helped me understand why I still get really tearful for no reason over loosing my mother (4 years ago now).

The loss of a baby is another matter I reckon with far more emotions than any of us could imagine and it sounds to me like you are doing really well. It's not time yet to make those decisions and you have a lot of joy ahead of you with the birth of your baby approaching. Your changing hormones won't help you either will they and no doubt will fuzz your head up with all sorts of mixed emotions as the months pass.

I write things down too and find it very therapeutic. Even if I throw the notes away afterwards, it helps me focus on what's bothering me at the time and helps clear my head. I am sure you are the same.

I came across this site for you: http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2008/...-to-ashes.html which features some shared experiences of others that might help you think. However, I am sure you will know what to do when the time is right.

Good to hear you are feeling more positive than the other day. As they say, without bad times, we wouldn't appreciate the good.

Lots of love and

Oops! I posted the previous entry twice, hence this edited entry.

Hi molly, im glad you wrote down your story it does help, and you can express yourself so well on a piece of paper.

I had the horrible experience yesterday of wanting to show my father CJ's ashes as my father point blank refuses to see them, for others it is more painfull to have these things around them. But for us as mothers i feel it to know my little one is save and sound.

, i hope all these emotions get beter hun, always know we are here for you.

Thank you girls. im feeling better today than i have in a while so maybe its all passing now. Skyes ashes are in the dinning room but her urn is all silver and kinda looks like a jewelry box so you wouldnt know unless i told ya! :-)

Wonderful hun, i am so proud of you for being so strong, and what a wonderful place to place her, as in the dinningroom the family always get together and have family time.

to such a strong woman and I am Skye would be so proud of you hun. I admire any woman who has gone through this kind of pain and know we are always here for you to sound off to hun xxx

why not scatter her ashes into a hole, and plant a tree there. Skylea will grow into a beautiful tree that way
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Hello honey,

I sympathise deeply with you.

You are obviously not ready to use your baby's ashes as part of your grief.

There is no hurry.

One day you will know what to do and why.

It will hit you and you will feel so sure you will do it that day!

No one can tell you what to do or how you must feel and when.

You may even throw these ashes away because your grief and memories are not connected to them.

Whatever and whenever, tell us what you decided and you will have everyones support my love x

Look forward to hearing from you in the future.xx

Sending you bigs hugs, Molly. I can't even imagine what you must have went through and still go through!

I just wanted to send you a BIG sweetie!

What I say to people who come to me with this kind of grief is that it doesnt matter whether the person we have lost has a grave or not! Because they are with you no matter where you go, whether your visiting a quiet place or doing your shopping because they are always in your heart! Noone can take away your memories, noone can take away your love! She will be with your forever, wherever!

So whether you choose to bury her ashes, scatter them or keep them with you, no matter what you do she cant ever be more than a heartbeat away!

You will make the right decision hun, whether it is now or in 5 years time! I wish you all the luck in the world with Skyes baby brother or sister