Ang

I am a school teacher in a high school. The other day, the Health and Social care department received an parcel which was a suit that the kids wear to make them understand what it is like to be pregnant - all to stop teenage pregnancies which is good, however, a few of the staff were trying it on and going about saying how awful it felt and that they would never want to have to carry that and being really insensitive about it.

There are only a few people in the school that knew I was pregnant and that I have had a miscarriage. I ended up just walking away as I couldn't really deal with all the laughing and joking and when they took it off, it was like a sigh of relief and saying that it was good to get that off .....

Am I right to feel upset and annoyed with them?

NickyT75

Aw hun you are not being stupid at all, but if none of these people knew about you losing your baby im sure they didn't mean to upset you

Its an awful experience for anyone to go through but its one of those things that unless you've been through it yourself its hard for others to know how hard it is so even if they do know... they tend to ignore it for fear of upsetting you.

I hope you feel better soon hun

NikiJJones

You are completely right to feel annoyed!! I'm also a teacher, and working with kids has been hard enough for me since my MC. I would not be able to cope with this situation of yours at all. It is really insensitive of the staff to do this. I would have completely broken down if this happened to me. You were very brave just to walk away from it.
I'm so sorry that you had to put up with this from workmates. Sending you loads of and I'm here any time you need to chat or let off steam.
xxxx

Freya

It's like we're hyper-aware of baby and pregnancy related comments, and people who don't know what we've been through have noooooo idea of the impact such flippant remarks and actions have on us! Sounds like they were joking around, but i/m sure they wouldn't have if they had known your sad news.

Not sure how your family and friends have been..... I had one 'friend' in particular who would say such hurtful things such as "at least you can come skiing with us in Feb" and "you've had a lucky escape" etc. Honestly.

There might not be 'right' thing to say to someone who has lost, but I expect most people to think before they speak to me about it!!!

shmoo75

Oh hun I am so sorry you felt that way. I am pretty sure that they were only joking around and, the reaction they gave is the same that you want to get from the kids that you teach. Also, if they did not know that you have had a m/c then, as hard as it is to not see as insensitive but, they weren't as, they did not know. Its hard not to feel the way you do and, i'm pretty sure if they found out what you have been through they would be mortified at their actions and feel guilty. Fingers crossed you get a soon sending you

JulesW

Hi - I'm a teacher too and I think the hardest thing for me, working in an inner city college (16-1 is that some of the students are pregnant or young mums. Whilst I don't feel resentful of their good fortune, I suppose I feel like "well, I really wanted mine and it didn't happen for me" then I feel bad because they prob really wanted theirs too.
I totally empathise with you, reminders of these things have hit me at weird times and I've only known a few days. My boss told me that things can hit you in strange ways a while later and to be prepared for it so lots of love to you.
I have a couple of friends who at the time were making cruel jokes when they found out I was pregnant about "you were the LAST person we thought", "no one can imagine you with a child" and their comments now they know, were flippant also.
You're NOT stupid at all, I've found that LOADS of people just do not know what to say and get it wrong when they do. You'll get there xxxxxxxx