JulesW

I've read lots of your messages to each other already. I've never been on a forum before. I hope by posting this I'm not doing anything wrong or upsetting anyone.

I went for my 12 week scan on Tue and there was nothing there... the lady was embarassed and sent us away with just an envelope and that someone would call me in the morning, when I opened it, it said 'missed miscarriage' - I've spoken to one person from the hospital who would like me to go in early next Tues but apart from this I know nothing. I know that is was six weeks ago, before I even took a pregnancy test and that my body should have ended things naturally but for some reason it hasn't.
I know all of you hear have stories and sadness of your own and it's very rude to ask you to share but does anyone else here know what I should expect? I don't even really know how I'm supposed to feel as I know that people have terrible sadness every day and I know that I am no different.

To all those whose posts I have read, thank you for writing what happened to you and how you feel because this is the only place I have found any answers and people to talk to. Good luck and lots of love to all. xxx

buffycat

Jules....

i am so sorry to hear of your loss.....it is so sad to hear of others who go through through the pain that i had....

my mc was at 10 weeks, just before my scan. Everything was done naturally, but the heartache is still there.....

we're here for you and anyone else in this position.....and we know where you are right now......

pm me if you want to

luv & hugs

Tracie87

if ur body isnt letting go the hospital may eiva want to do a d&c or a medical managment.
i was ment to have a d&c but it didnt work that way they gave me a tablet to open my cervix and baby came away itself.
i wont lie to you its horrid emotional nd mentally and physically tiering. iv lost 4 and its got harder.
the dr may let you m/c at home. be prepaired for discomfort and some clots.

take time to grive for your baby
xxxxx

NikiJJones

Hi Jules,
Please don't feel that you are being rude, or doing anything wrong or upsetting anyone. We are all here for you, love!
I MCed my little one about 4 weeks ago. Mine was also discovered at a scan, but I then bled naturally about a week later. I've heard that jsut knowing that your little one is no longer can bring on the bleeding. Or some of the other girls on here have had D&Cs, so that may be the route your doctor suggests. If you need to talk about the natural MC, I can let you know about mine, and feel free to private message me if you don't feel comfortable discussing it on a forum.
Most importantly, I'm sending you lots of at this painful time. I have found that all the girls on here have given me so much strength to deal with my MC (I had never used an internet forum either before this). Cry when you need to cry and we will be here for you whenever you need us.
Thinking of you,
xxxx

jen1604

Jules,I am so sorry to hear of your loss.I have had 3 miscarriages myself but am now 39 weeks pregnant so don't give up.I know how hard for you this is and my sympathy is with you.Just wanted to say dont be scared of what will happen to you at the hospital/doctors.Normally medical professionals are brilliant in this situation and dont be afraid to ask them any questions you may have...xxx

NickyT75

So sorry to hear about your loss hun but as the other ladies have said you are more than welcome to come on here and say whatever you wish,
there are a lot of really lovely girls on here who will empathise with you as we all know how heartbreaking this time will be for you.

If you ever need to talk we are here hun xx

Nic

Hey there, welcome to the site, and so sorry it's in such rotten circumstances. You'll find the girls on here really helpful I'm sure.

First up, sorry to hear about your loss. Second, my sympathies that you had a person who obviously couldn't deal with the circumstances. It's disgraceful that you were sent away with an envelope and told someone will call you.

Now, you say you had a missed m/c at 12 weeks but that it happened 6 weeks ago. So did you lose your baby at 6 weeks but it has only been identified now? Similar things have happened to lots of the girls here, and the first they know something is wrong is at their scan. In a way I've been lucky, I got bleeding to flag something was going wrong. But like you, this is my first pregnancy and my first m/c and I didn't have a clue what to expect. NHS haven't been overly compassionate or understanding with me and it's taken 10 days for anyone to tell me anything concrete.

Your message suggests that you think you should have dealt with it and hasn't - unfortunately our bodies are extremely complicated and don't always work as expected. One thing I found extraordinary is that first pregnancies have a higher incidence of m/c because the fetus is 'foreign' and the body rejects it. But then it's more used to pregnancy a second time and becomes more immune to it. It doesn't make sense that a mother 'rejects' her baby, but very little about m/c makes much sense to me if I'm honest

JulesW

Firstly, thank you all of you who took the time to reply to me, that is SO kind and helped so much to read about others this has happened to. I feel terrible for your losses too but to see so many of you helping each other it's also comforting to know that I am not "the only one".
To those of you who have offered to tell me about your experiences in more detail - I would actually really like to hear more. My biggest fear is that I have no answers, I don't know what to expect and the people that have been most helpful to me and given me most strength are people (even strangers!) who have been through it and therefore understand the complex emotions and utter confusion.
I think in answer to one lady, I genuinely DO feel like I should 'be OK', I still have no physical symptoms and I feel like I 'knew' it was going to happen. My partner, who is LOVELY, is also a very rational man and rather upbeat "well Jules, I know of many women who have been ok the next time and we can try again etc" and he means so well, is trying to 'carry on' and 'get back to normal' and part of me feels he's right - the other bit of course, feels plain 'weird and confused'. Because - in answer to another question - I went for the 12 week scan and they (finally spoke to the emergency gynae people am seeing on Tues) said that there was a fetus of 4.3mm indicating it was lost at between 5 and 6 weeks.
For some reason I just knew that I would see that scan and (just like I saw) there would be nothing there. In some way I think I feel as if well, of course that would happen to me.
I think my questions are:
1. Is it likely that now it will happen again because my body's 'used' to expelling it?
2. Is the fact that I felt so unbelievably wretched for the last 3 months a sign that all was not well? (very depressed, even though it was planned, panicky and worried, ill and tired to the point of being unable to function)
3. Is it 'normal' for my body to have carried on 'pretending' for as long as six weeks (I keep expecting to see something naturally as I was told on Tue and it's now Fri, but nothing, no pain and physically I feel better than I have in months - something else I feel guilty about)
THANK YOU ALL for replying, it has made me feel like I am not alone and that my confusion and strange emotions are to be expected. xxxxx

Tracie87

my baby died at 7 weeks i was 10 weeks pregnant when i found out i was told i could have gone to my 14 weeks scan before i found out anything was rong.
itl happen again to me because there is something wrong with eiva me or husband.
they its normal for a woman 2 experiance 2 m/c without it being looked into. just because it happened once doesnt mean itl happen again. some people just aint so lucky... like me lol.

its hard but itl get easier.

my moto- if it doesnt kill you it makes you stronger

Omi

Hiya Jules,

so sorry you're going through this !

I had a missed mc diagnosed on 15th feb. I was told to come back a week later to be re-scanned just in case..although i knew right away when they said there's no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was 10 weeks at the time. It was very shocking and obviously upsetting.

I had friend who'd gone through a mc herself (well, she's oh's friend's fiance) and she called and gave me a total rundown which helped a lot. She advised me to go for the d&c as she said her medical managment was terrible to go through.

I found out on a friday but ended up calling the epau on tuesday to ask for the d&c cause i just couldnt stand waiting for the inevitable, and also i didnt like feeling i was carrying this dead baby inside me After checking they called me back and i was booked in after the ultrasound. Thursday i started spotting and feeling unwell.. i knew the mc was starting. I woke up 2.30 am and had contractions every 3 min for the next 4 hours..and slightly further apart after that. Bleeding as well. I was in excrutiating pain- and i think i can honestly say i will NEVER have a natural birth

I was treated very nicely by the staff and explained everything in detail. Once in the operating room i was given the anesthesia and thats the last i remember. I came out feeling almost brand new. Pain gone- what a relief!!! I was looked over by the midwife again and told i could ttc right away. She was lovely gave us both a hug, said she'd been there herself and that she hoped to see us on the labour ward next!

I had a sore tummy the next day and blead for 4-5 days. My af came 3 days later than normal. I feel totally fine now..it was a terrible thing to go through and i do feel cheated..but we are ttc again and hopeful it will be ok next time, as that is the norm

Personally i think the time i mc and many girls mc at is very telling as it's the average..normally due to chromosomal problems, but i also think it might be something to what Nic said. Its terrible that it happens but it is normal and most of us go on to have have healthy babies after.

As difficult as it is, you will get through this..this place was a godsend as well. Please take good care of yourself and do whatever you feel like- anything at all. there is no wrong or right and some tlc goes a long way. There is nothing you did that would have made this happen, so please dont second guess yourself..as others have said, its just bad luck and no reason it should happen again. Many women in my and oh's family had the same thing happen. First pg mc and went on to have healthy pg's after that. Im sure it will be the same with you, sweetie!

Sorry for having written an essay, and feel free to pm me if you wanna talk or have any questions..

, Omi xxx