superp123

Facing the facts as of yesterday. Low progesterone last week and Hcg not rising this week, so it's just a waiting game now.
I want to wreck something in the worst way!! Feel so sorry for myself and it's just so crap!!!!! This is not me!!! Still waiting for the mc to actually start, then I wonder if there's some mistake. I know, I know better but still. Hopefully not like the last time, waited two weeks. Feels like pergatory(sp). Or some kindof hell reserved just for me.
Seriously, in no condition (mentally) to post. I was hoping it would help me... it will... just not now today.
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nickyb

hi hun sorry for what your going through, i know theres no words that can help i just wanted to send u a hug xxx

nicky

I am so sorry

Omi

Oh, sweetheart! From somone who's been there i can only offer you hugs and tell you i empathise so, so much.

be kind to yourself and feel free to do whatever you feel like doing- cause its the only way you're gonna get through this- throw some plates if thats what you feel like!!

You will get through this, until then..do whatever you need to do..its the only way- and there's no right or wrong, sweetie.

Sending you my most heartfelt sympathies and massive , Omi xxx

NikiJJones

Awww. So sorry for you love! I was exactly there nearly 3 weeks ago. It is heartbreaking. Knowing your little one is gone, but waiting for the inevitable is so painful. I really feel for you. I wish I could do something to take away your pain. Let me know if you want to chat.
Sending you
Niki xxxx

superp123

Thank you for all your kindness. Feeling a bit numb sitting downstairs reading, so I thought I come up and get all of this out of my system. It's good therapy. It's just nice to know someone out there is listening and understands. All of my people around me have never done this. Except for mom... and I think my mc distresses her more than me. I know that sounds weird, but she's just hurting for me... and it just makes it harder. I'm already feeling like I've let my husband and myself down again. I just can't stand hearing her cry for me right now. Is that horrible? Haven't told the inlaws yet, and thank God we didn't tell anyone else. I couldn't bear to face them... all those sad faces.
Started smoking again. LOL Figured what's the difference. I know that's horrible, but I don't care. Now funny enough, I think I've literally smoked myself sick. Silly girl I am. I'll put them away again but not now.
Also today, I ate whatever the F I wanted to. I figured I've earned it and who's going to argue with a crazy lady. LOL Pizza, fast food and chocolate. I'm paying for that choice already with heartburn. Tomorrow back on track can't keep this up or I'll be as big as a house. Putting on weight isn't good for my moral either. Plus the food isn't really making me feel better.
Still waiting and trying to put on a brave face for the boys. I don't want to tramatize them, but I do reckon that once I'm alone for more than five min. I'm going to loose it. Broke down today during nap time. Which, surprisingly made me feel a bit better, only it's really hard to stop once you start isn't it?
Doc called me personally, which I thought was very nice of him, and asked me to come in a week or two. He wants to make sure I'm okay and talk about testing. I'm so relieved, as I'm not sure if I could do this again blindly. My innocense has been stolen and I'm just not strong enough. Two times is too many. I just keep thinking, yes this sucks but many people have gone through this more than I have.... and go on to have success. So that's the tape I'm playing. Still it sucks sucks sucks.
Tomorrow, I'm contemplating going to the second hand store to purchase some extra plates. Now, I've just got to figure out where can I break them all. Ah, forget it. Now it's all a little to premeditated isn't it. Arg!
So I'm going to shave and shower and try to maintain my sanity. I'll be back again soon with more random thoughts I'm sure.
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NeyNey

oh sweetheart, it's not your fault- please don't feel like you've let anyone down.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you

Samo

thinking of you, hun. take care of yourself. it's good to let it all out, we're here to listen! I think it's totally normal to feel like you do, take your time, and just take care.

shmoo75

Oh hun I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a m/c 2wks ago so kinda know what you are going through. If you want to chat at anytime I am here.

niknaknat

I'm so sorry for your loss chick xxxxx