superp123

So I've traded in emotional constipation for the other kind. It seems pain killers also cause constipation. I'm trying all the tricks I know to get things moving along down there. But in truth, I'm a little afraid to push. I know it's totally irrational but a fear that has kept me from showing number 2 who's boss. LOL Oi, such problems.
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jolyn

So sorry about what happened hun - can't even begin to imagine how u feel

superp123

I made it a point this time not to tell everyone. Well some people told other people but then failed to tell the other people when everything went wrong. So I'm at a family Barbeque today and my mother in laws, boyfriends(Dan)---- brother says, "Hey do you think you should be smoking?" And for a second I thought, did he know???? Then dismissed it quickly and replied, "Is there a REASON I shouldn't be smoking?" Well, Dan quickly checked his brother with a very subtile cough as I walked away nearly in tears. I thought for a few minutes, "What an ass!!" just long enough for him to discover what had happened. He then quickly came up to me with tail between his legs saying how sorry he was, and that he is the biggest ass in the world. I agreed and then decided I'd better let him off the hook.
It's just so hard now to know that I won't be having a baby in January. I'm so totally bummed about it too. Then to have an ass like Dan's bro telling me what I should be doing with my unborn baby... who doesn't exsist anymore. It's just like a slap in the face.
My doc has advised us to wait after one or two cycles before making any emotional dicisions but I've gotta say... I WANT ONE NOW!!! Doc ran lots of tests on me for things like Lupis, blood disorders, autoimmune disorders and such and he is testing the fetus too. He's being increadibly supportive and proactive with me which I appreciate with my whole heart. But I just want a baby so badly.
Which brings me to pitty party part II. Why me, why us!!! Of all the people... not that I'd wish my misfortune on anyone else, but what does it all mean? I sometimes wonder am I right with God? I think I am. Is it within Gods grace for me to have children or what other plan may he have for me? I just don't know. I don't know and it's not fair.
Pitty party part III. As much as I didn't want to join the MC group. I so do not want to join the WTT group! Nothing against the group, but to me it's just like pergatory. Arg!!
BOOOO!!
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NikiJJones

Hello,
Hope you are OK today. My LO was due January too. It is so hard to keep realising that it won't happen now.
I went straight from MC group to TTC. I am too impatient to wait for anything! Do what you feel is right.
So sorry to hear about your brother in law too. I sometimes wonder how people can be so insensitive, even if they do have their facts wrong. People just open their mouth and out it comes!!!!!!
Thinking of you,
xxxx

Rumpskin

superp123

What a day!!! I had two boys to get off to summer school this morning by 8am. It's my fist day back at work(stay at home Auntie) since last Wed. I think my hubby is soft on them. They didn't want to listen for nothing. Little poops. I finally had to lay it all out for them before we left the house. Speech that was a little something like, "Shape up or you'll be in that naughty chair for a long time today, I'm done with the rolling eyes(at age 3 and 4) and the teenage attitude(from 7yr old). SO are we going to have a good day??!!" Surprisingly it wasn't too bad. They seemed to understand that Auntie is back. Although, I caught the younger ones coloring the new swingset with crayons and pens! I could have flipped. Oi kids, I'm telling you. I haven't had a whole lot of time to think about myself. That could be good and bad.
When hubby got home today, he was cleaning out the grill getting ready to put the bratwurst on and Chris(4) helped him clean out the old charcoal and carry it to the alley. It just hit me, as Chris shadowed him to the alley with big bucket in hand and Xavier(3) toddered behind, he's been such a good Dad to our nephews and I only hope that we can have our own someday. I had to go in and cry for a minute. Yeah, I'm tearing up just thinking of it agian. I'm such a baby!!!
I guess it's all part of the process. When does this stop, I forget how long it took me last time?
Lots of hugs girls and thanks for all of your support.
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miel

you can always come in the ttc when ever and DH are ready